I have logged in as a new name... my fiancé just broke our engagement over the phone... we were about to book our reception hall and he kept making excuses about being sick, so I canceled three times. Finally he admitted that he's having cold feet and doesn't know if he wants to get married or not.
He doesn't know what he wants in life at all... says he wants to have a family, wants me to be the mother of his children, but doesn't know if he wants to marry me?!?!?
We have been together 5 years and he's 36 years old, living in his parents' house. We were planning to buy a home together this year, now he says that he'll either buy a house himself or get an apartment.
He wants to keep dating me but said that he knows I don't want to wait around forever.
He doens't know if he'll ever be ready.
I don't know what to do. He wants to keep our church date, just in case.
I am so confused, I love him so much, but I don't know what to do? Should I just break up with him? Wait? He said counseling won't help, he just has to figure this out by himself.
? thank you girls for all of your help.
BriBri529
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
I am so sorry to hear this- everything will work out for the best!!!
julz33
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
2untamed gave very good advice!
jess2504
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
Why do you think your FI is having trouble committing? Did his parents get divorced or have a bad marriage? He is at an age where he is getting set in his ways and it would be more difficult for him than a younger person to adjust to being married. Talk to him. Maybe couple counseling would help. Don't give up on him just yet; try to find out the reasons for his fear of commitment; because it is obviously not because he doesn't love you. In the end, follow your heart and decide what is best for you.
lost
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
First, thanks to all of you who have been there for me when I need it most.
I am going to see him tonight and he promises that we are going to have a 'real talk.' He usually shies away from real talks because he doens't like to face reality, but we will see.
I am hoping that he has a valid reason for his cold feet and that it is something we can work through. However, I am not sure.
I will keep you all posted. I know I should probably walk away, but i have invested 5 years in him and need to give it this chance.
Pray for me.
And thank you all for your support--I have felt really alone the past few days and you really helped me out!!
queenlizard
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
Good luck, you're probably doing yourself and him a great favor by talking today. HECK It's not just some guy you've just met, it has been 5 years, so I hope you can work it out. If it turns out otherwise, you take it from there step by step, remember you will have tons of support and help and (not to sound cliche) your life will go on. All the best to you -- we're here for you!
PrincessRose
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
Just wanted to say good luck!
luvsun27
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
I agree with what everyone said. I went though something like this about 7 years ago...for us, it didn't work out. I waited about a month before i called all the vendors and cancelled...some I was able to get money back for...some I wasn't. I couldn't be friends...I was very hurt. Eventually...I got over this man and moved on...and if it wasn't for that experience I wouldn't have met my current FH who I believe I was meant to be with. Good luck in your decision...and FM if you need a shoulder to cry on.
lost
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
Well, we had a good talk last night and he told me some concerns he had. I don't know why he didn't talk about these things BEFORE we started planning, but he said he was afraid of what my answers would be. I then told him 'wouldn't it have been much better BEFORE we spent so much time planning???'
So we discussed these issues and he said he feels better about them but still isn't sure... he can't make the decision yet. He promised me that he'd call a counselor on Monday and he wants to go to the first session alone, and then I can come if I want. He has always had a lot of trouble making decisions, it took him 4 years to decide to buy a new car, and I told him I'm a lot different than a car in a lot--and I won't wait forever.
I am very disappointed in him and don't know how long I should give him to decide. I love him, and I want to be with him, but it's been 5 years and I'm tired of living in limbo.
I am going to try to make myself unavailable to him when I normally would be, like not answer the phone and be busy when he calls. It will be hard though, especially in the holiday season (our favorite!)
ANOTHER vendor just called... it really stinks that all of them have MY information and not his, so he doesn't have to field calls and explain stuff. And I REALLY don't feel like telling my friends and family.
Thank you all for listening, I don't know what I'd do without you!!
Xelindrya
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
I never respond to vendors calling.
Hang in there.
I broke off my first engagement years ago. I had to cancel everything. For now you're in a point where things can wait. Painful? Yes? but you can pull through.
Just make sure you keep your chin up. Don't let his indecision crush you. Good luck.
kathleenmarie
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
counseling does help, but if he refuses to go you should go yourself. I think after 5 years you should think hard about this. I waited once 11 years, and once five years, for guys who said just whathe said to you. I'm sorry if I'm posting against popular opinion, but alas, its just my opinion and experience. What ever you do, Best of luck and love to you.
queenlizard
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
Did you guys decide to stay a couple or try to be friendly? I know it would be almost impossible for me to do that. I really wish you luck in anything that happens. It is good that you are talking about things though
jmarshall
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
Hang in there!
Jola
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x
jenny2penny
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
keep your head up. things have a way of working out. You need to both do what feels right.
Good luck!
sweetnessconfused
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
I always found (FI and I broke up 3 times over the 11 years we have been together) that if you give them their space and time and pretend you are moving on with your life, they become afraid to lose you and come running back. When you beg and plead they just figure you will always be there. Give him some space. He may just be nervous. I guarantee he comes back!
LIPrincess00
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
I just wanted to wish you good luck. I went through this once and trust me when I tell you that you will get through this - regardless of the outcome.
jcova1019
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
I'm so sorry that you have to go throught this. You two should take some time and decide what you both want. Go with what your instincts tell you.
valentinesbride
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Re: Just broke engagement :(
Therapy , helps so much. It empowers you during what seems to be powerless times. ...much love and hugs to you.....but you will get through this storm and appreciate the beautiful rainbow soon :)
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