hi everyone. i guess you could call me engaged although i had to do the proposing. is there anyone else out there with a stubborn groom to be. i wanna hear all about it. heres mine
first of all ive been with my bf for almost seven years. and i had to ask him to marry me and convince him to do it. dont get me wrong were in love but hes the kinda guy thats happy with things as they are. now that hes agreed every thing i sugest he doesnt want to do !!! aauugggghh why are men so STUBBORN and PIGHEADED
BellaEyes
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry to hear you are going through this..
I don't think he is treating you the right way here.. You felt like you had to force him to do what you want.. perhaps he is not worthy of you.. always remember this... YOU ARE THE PRIZE.
trudiesmomma
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you so much i feel better know someone sees my side. i do feel like im forcing him into something he should want as much as i do.
BellaEyes
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Honey.. he is not worth it!!! Save your heart.. save your insanity.. MOVE on and RUN don't WALK away from this guy!! You don't need this crap.
eden
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm really to hear you have to go through this. Your FH doesn't look like he deserve you. You guys have dated that long, he should have the courtesy to ask!
Obviously, he's too comfortable in the arrangements you have which means he's taking things for granted. I say you should step back a bit and let him fend for himself. See how he can live w/o you 'cus apparently he doesnt know what a great thing he's got.
Perhaps you should have a chat with him and ask if he really wants to be married. I mean, does he know what marriage means? Is he ready to be family man and a dad?
kevsgirl
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you have to drag him kicking and screaming to the altar you may want to rethink it. He should want to marry you. If I was in your position I would ask him why he doesnt want to get married and then tell him its what you want, and if he wants to continue to be with you, then he need to decide, its marriage or nothing...if he really loves you he will come around.
prunepie
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i see nothing wrong witha woman asking a man... IF that man really wants to marry you.
if he is resistant...please do not force him....... it sounds like a recipe for resentment on both sides.
xxoo
bellaro782
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by trudiesmomma
thank you so much i feel better know someone sees my side. i do feel like im forcing him into something he should want as much as i do.
Okay Im no expert But I think if he didn't have you by his side and thought he lost you maybe then he would realize what his life would be like without you.. I think you should take a step back ... And maybe keep away for a little and see how fast he will want to ask you... Im so sorry you have to go threw this but some guys just get comfortable and like things to stay just they way they are and its not Fair to you....
waterspout4
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree with all the above. There is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man. But if the woman is dragging the man there is something wrong. Take a step back.
I dated a man for 4 1/2 years and thought he was the one, but I was only 22. I went right from him to another relationship for 2 1/2 years. I always had the dream: married by 23, kids by 25. (My friend even waited until she was 44 to marry for the first time)
Once I was single for a year I began to realize that I was living my life for other people and not for myself. I moved to another state and did it for myself. (I moved to Iowa to see a tornado because I love the weather, but anyway.....) I was there and found myself. You can't love another until you love yourself.
The man I married I knew for 7 years before even dating. We met in college when I was with my long-time boyfriend. They even knew each other. I liked him back then, but didn't want to admit that.
Never drag someone anywhere. If they don't want to do it, then move on. It's hard at the time, but it's sooooooo worth the reward of being with the right man.
FM me if you want to talk
trudiesmomma
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well hes not as bad as it sounds though girls he does love me and our two year old daughter but hes stuck in a rut and im trying as hard as i can to get him out. thanks so much for the support. i feel better know ing someones listening to me. any suggestions to help make it more fun . he did enjoy the thought of planning a Bachelore party
trudiesmomma
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just put some pics on my album of us so check them out
jtgarsik
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a really close friend thats in the same place as you & Im going to tell you the same thing I told her.... HE SHOULD WANT THIS AS MUCH AS YOU.... and if he doesnt, there is someone else out there who will. Seven years is PLENTY time to be ready to marry someone!!!! make sure you are in this 200%.... marraige is hard enough work, you dont deserve or need to start out like this. This guy should be so head over heals in love with you that he cant WAIT to make you his wife..... and if he's not, kick his butt to the curb.
LImama
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just one question - is he resistant to the idea of marriage, or the idea of a big pull-out-all-the-stops WEDDING?
IMO these are 2 different issues...
waterspout4
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I laugh at the thought of a bachelor party like you HOWEVER:
But that is such an insignificant event between baby and marriage. Just because you have a baby with him does not mean you have to marry him. He needs to be on the same page with you.
My sister married the guy that was the father to her child back in 1986. He was a bit irrational, so we thought. Then when their other baby was born, which was a girl, he beat the both of them for over 10 years (Mother and son) because he only wanted girls. Luckily, she saw the light and left. We talked to her forever, but she needed help to do it. There is so much to deal with.
Let us know if you want to talk. FM me because I want to talk with you.
trudiesmomma
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hes not against the marriage so much as the hassle of it all. he wanted to go to the courthouse just the three of us. which i didnt have a problem with cuz i was willing to give up the big wedding just to get married but once he saw that i was going to give it all up for him he changed his mind and said lets go ahead and do it. but he really doesnt want a big wedding. and he has never hit me or treated me wrong. we were high school sweethearts and we were each others firsts but yes he is a my way or the highway kinda guy but thats part of why i love him. i mean not every man is a romantic right??????????????????????????
ChrisnAmy
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lets turn this around a bit...........if Your beautiful little girl came to you with this problem.....What Would you say to her?
MJDoc12
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by trudiesmomma
hes not against the marriage so much as the hassle of it all. he wanted to go to the courthouse just the three of us. which i didnt have a problem with cuz i was willing to give up the big wedding just to get married but once he saw that i was going to give it all up for him he changed his mind and said lets go ahead and do it. but he really doesnt want a big wedding. and he has never hit me or treated me wrong. we were high school sweethearts and we were each others firsts but yes he is a my way or the highway kinda guy but thats part of why i love him. i mean not every man is a romantic right??????????????????????????
i am not trying to 'diss' your relationship or anything--i swear. but if one of the 'pros' you're using for being a measure in a good relationship is that 'he has never hit me or treated me wrong'i would kind of have to re-evaluate what you consider proper treatment. a marriage is about 2 people who wish to spend the rest of their lives together because they love each other. not just cause you're HS sweethearts and been together for along time and have a kid. that doesn't mean that you MUST get married and that it's meant to be.
like other ladies said, if a woman asks a man to get married--that's fine. but you kind of make it sound like he's gonna do this just to shut you up or appease you. do you want a marriage based on that? yes, not every guy is a romantic--but planning the bachelor party shouldn't be the thing he gets most excited about.
if deep down, he doesn't want the big wedding--i guarantee you, that the entire wedding planning process will be hell for you both. you will fight, and disagree on many things--you will feel like he doesn't care...he'll think you're going overboard, etc. is that how you want your engagement to be? my suggestion for a happy medium for you two--that's a step above the court house and 1 below the big wedding---have a destination wedding with just you, your guy, and child and enjoy your time together that way.
but before you do that--i'd really take a step back and ask yourself why you want to get married--cause he's a 'nice guy' to you and you've been together for years.....or because you are BOTH the loves of each other's lives and you BOTH want the same things.
good luck
CLMon7906
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you shouldn't be convincing anyone to marry you. and who wants to settle? it might hurt, but i think you should re-evaluate this whole relationship and really talk this through. you would hate to marry someone who wasn't in love with you enough to want to marry you.
cherish83
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by prunepie
i see nothing wrong witha woman asking a man... IF that man really wants to marry you.
if he is resistant...please do not force him....... it sounds like a recipe for resentment on both sides.
xxoo
I agree. I feel really sorry for you, but if he he resentful to the whole marriage thing and you feel like you are forcing him to do it.. you may be setting yourself up for a lot of heartache.. .Even if you end up walking down the aisle, you may not be happy with eachother shortly after. That is unless his attitude toward the whole thing changes. Good Luck Hun. We're all here for you!
weddingbunny
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Re: just engaged and ready to quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by kevsgirl
If you have to drag him kicking and screaming to the altar you may want to rethink it. He should want to marry you. If I was in your position I would ask him why he doesnt want to get married and then tell him its what you want, and if he wants to continue to be with you, then he need to decide, its marriage or nothing...if he really loves you he will come around.
I agree with this completely.
You can force him to marry you, but you can't force him to be happy about it. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to marry somebody who isn't sure he wants to marry me. A marriage is about trust and commitment - it's not something you jump into without really wanting to do it.
I think you need to hold off on the planning for a while and talk with him about why he doesn't want to get married. If he really doesn't want to, and won't change his mind, then you might have some thinking to do. The hope is that you only do this once, so you want to make sure that you're doing it right.
