just got engaged already fighting the folks

I am origanally from Tennessee, but have lived in New York City for 5 years now. My fiance is from Maryland and has lived here for 6 years. We have decided to get married in New York. My parents feel that I am not considering my family. Does anyone have suggestions on how to deal with this? Is it normal to already be having dissagreements? My parents are wonderful people, but I have no friends there anymore. Am I being thoughtless?

Re: just got engaged already fighting the folks

I think it depends on who is paying for the wedding. If you and your fiance are paying for it then I think its up to you both on where you decide to have your wedding. If your pareants are paying for it then they have some input on where you should have it. My fiance is from MD orginally too. What part is yours from?

Re: just got engaged already fighting the folks

I went through the same thing when FH and I got engaged. We have both been living in florida since 98 and no longer have the friends or being 'home' feeling on long island. We fought and fought over where to have the wedding because we both wanted to have it down here, but all of our family is on Long Island so our parents wanted to have it up there. In the end, we are having it NY because it was easier for our family. It might not have been the right choice, and god long distance planning has not been easy but I think it is a good choice for everyone involved. Also, we did not think a lot of our friends would be able to make it up the wedding, however, I have quite a few of them who have already made their reservations. In the end, do what is best for you, other wise you will feel resentment through the whole planning process.

Re: just got engaged already fighting the folks

Parents can be funny with weddings. They may feel slighted since Tennessee is where they raised you, and that's where they feel you should have your wedding. The best situation may be to have a small affair in Tennessee after you do what it is that you and your FH really want, which is to be married in NYC... Bottom line: if they love you, they will come to your wedding wherever it is, without grief... Try to be positive, it just stings a litle when it comes from Mom & Dad.

Re: just got engaged already fighting the folks

I'm sure things will work out. Try compromising and have a small engagement party there or your shower party, etc.

Re: just got engaged already fighting the folks

Thank You ladies for your words of advice. I am so glad that I stubbled across this site today. Unfortunally I am already addicted. Oh and my FH is from Tacoma Park, MD.

Re: just got engaged already fighting the folks

not stubbled, stumbled

Re: just got engaged already fighting the folks

I know how you feel. My FH is from Long Island. I'm from the middle of the country, but I haven't lived there in years and most of my friends have moved. We decided to get married on Long Island, b/c long distance planning would have been so difficult. I felt really lucky that my parents were really understanding about our decision.

Maybe you could have your wedding in New York and have a small reception in your hometown. I wouldn't feel too guilty about wanting to have a wedding where you currently live. I read a statistic that said only 37% of brides got married their hometowns last year. It made me feel better about my decision. Good luck to you!

Re: just got engaged already fighting the folks

It's tough but do what will make you happy. I think unfortunately weddig planning for many causes much family strife. My FI's parents have given me trouble for having our wedding in LI and they live in Staten Island and aren't paying for a cent. FI and I made our choice based on what works for us and what we thought would be fair for both sides unfortunately they do not see it that way. It has been a tough road....but hopefully this weekend everyone will be happy.

Re: just got engaged already fighting the folks

We have somewhat similar situation: My family is in Philly, Fi's from upstate NY (orange county) ==> the wedding is in Northern NJ, to make the distance for immediate families not so bad (neither is more than 1.5 hrs away)... We are paying for the wedding though.

If you're paying for most of it, I would do the wedding in NY, and then have your parents host a dinner/reception/engagement party in your home town... But if parents are paying, I am not sure what I would do.

Re: just got engaged already fighting the folks

Hi Alina! I am from Texas and FH is from LI, which is why we are having it up here. I left Texas 7 years ago and my entire life is up here now. We are paying for our wedding ourselves, so Mom (still lives in Texas) had no say in the matter, frankly. She did not fight me on it, anyway, and told me whatever I wanted to do was fine with her.
But if your parents are paying for the wedding entirely, they may a lot of say in the matter. Another friend of mine from Texas who lives up here got married to her DH in South Carolina, mainly because it was sort of midway between Texas and NJ (where her hubby is from).