just need to vent

i'm sorry i just need to vent about my sisters FH. she's planning on getting married in febraury (3 months before me). she found out that my FH and i picked our florist, band, booked our honeymoon and flipped out on me saying that we're rushing things. Well, no not really, we only have like 6 months. Oh yeah and i also got berated for using the same dj as her. It's not like she found him. My mother did all the work, he did her eparty and was good and was willing to travel from NJ for less than any LI dj.. anyway...

my sister and her FH spent this week in the poconos (they're getting married at skytop lodge - near our parents). they're looking around at photographers, florists, and all that fun stuff.

a little back story -- back when i got engaged my FH did it really sweetly and hers didnt. she was upset and gave him back the ring saying he had to do it better. this was oct 2. She STILL does not have her ring back. Her bday was on the 16th.. why not give it to her then?

so this morning they spent the day at a florist. and he sat there for 45 minutes debating his boutonniere! What is there to debate about? Are there REALLY any other guys that truly care about this? My sister doesn't even know what she wants her bouquet to look like and he's designing a boutonniere. This doesn't make any sense.

And it just really bothers me cause he's just screwing around trying to waste time. He just wants to make it so that they don't have time to look at other florists and they put down money on a florist that is way out of their budget.

Meanwhile his family is horrible. My sister has postponed her wedding for over a year for them because his mother said she wanted to contribute $$. which is very nice of them. After waiting a year she goes, nope i dont really think you guys are ready to get married, i'm not giving you money. They've been dating for 7 years! They even own a house together. They didn't need the money they were just waiting to be nice to his family.

It just seems that he's trying to put it off as much as possible and have my parents put down as much money as possible and then he's going to break it off.

I'm sorry that was really long. I just needed to get it off my chest. If anyone actually read that whole thing, thanks for listening!

Re: just need to vent

wow that's a lot going on...a lot of emotions for everyone. what is your sister most upset about, the proposal or not having another proposal right now? was her FH really hurt when she asked him to take it back and do it again? could this be some sort of punishment from him, making her wait a long time? sounds like she in turn might be making some rifts in your wedding planning (which you seem to handling just fine) because her own wedding plans are going a little awry. a lot going on for your sis, and she may need to stand up and just accept the ring as is without a big to-do so she can get on with wedding planning. and an over-involved groom (i have one) is a blessing and a curse! i call mine the groom-monster!

Re: just need to vent

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Posted by bluesashbride

wow that's a lot going on...a lot of emotions for everyone. what is your sister most upset about, the proposal or not having another proposal right now? was her FH really hurt when she asked him to take it back and do it again? could this be some sort of punishment from him, making her wait a long time? sounds like she in turn might be making some rifts in your wedding planning (which you seem to handling just fine) because her own wedding plans are going a little awry. a lot going on for your sis, and she may need to stand up and just accept the ring as is without a big to-do so she can get on with wedding planning. and an over-involved groom (i have one) is a blessing and a curse! i call mine the groom-monster!

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she was just upset at the moment and dealt with it in the wrong way (giving back the ring). he claimed something need to be fixed and got it done.. but just won't give it back to her now. no one wants to say anything, because theres no real way to bring it up tactfully ya know? the guy never shows emotions and acts childish.. so who knows how he reacted.

in the beginning she fought with me telling me i should wait and be engaged for a few years before we got married. she had gotten engaged back in feb. and still hadn't set a date. we got engaged on oct. 2 and we knew we wanted to get married on 05-05-05 that night.

she was freaking out until she booked her place for feb. because for some reason in her mind she had to get married before me, apparently not when she is ready to, just as long as its before i get married.

my FH is also very involved.. but thats because he has the type of job where he can sit in his office and call all sorts of venders all day long. I dont. but he knows, i'm the bride, i get the final say its not like i'd pick things he doesn't like.


thanks for letting me vent again

Re: just need to vent

i think i clung to your post today, because i am in venting mood. everything's alright but somedays are better than others and i've seen better days. :)

I TOTALLY understand when you said your sis just didn't deal with the situation well! i am so guilty of that! i always SAY something before i cool off and think, and although i've gotten better my irish temper can be a relationship landmine!

and you're doing a good job of standing by your sister, especially when you are both brides in need (BIN, a new acronym perhaps!) i often feel this website is my BIN salvation. brides need someone to listen, such a happy yet stressful time...i'm sure she's very glad to have you there for her.

Re: just need to vent

Vent away!! anytime you need to we're here to listen (or read about it.) I feel badly for your sister. Do you like her FH? He doesn't sound like such a great guy.

Re: just need to vent

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Posted by bluesashbride

i think i clung to your post today, because i am in venting mood. everything's alright but somedays are better than others and i've seen better days. :)

I TOTALLY understand when you said your sis just didn't deal with the situation well! i am so guilty of that! i always SAY something before i cool off and think, and although i've gotten better my irish temper can be a relationship landmine!

and you're doing a good job of standing by your sister, especially when you are both brides in need (BIN, a new acronym perhaps!) i often feel this website is my BIN salvation. brides need someone to listen, such a happy yet stressful time...i'm sure she's very glad to have you there for her.

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after she got over the fact that we're both going to be getting married now she was like 'hey, how many other sisters get to go thru this experience together?'

which made me really happy. because we're really close and once i got engaged she just wasn't happy for me and didn't talk to me for about a week. until everything cooled down.

things between us are back to normal.. but still, no one likes the FH. i guess ya gotta pick your battles though.

Re: just need to vent

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Posted by slwh2005

Vent away!! anytime you need to we're here to listen (or read about it.) I feel badly for your sister. Do you like her FH? He doesn't sound like such a great guy.

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thanks for listening! it feels great to be able to talk to people who are going through the same things. i'm so happy i found LIW.

and nope, don't like her FH.. there's many reasons for this, but they probably woulnd't be appropriate to post in here. no one in my family really likes him, we know she can do better.

the best part was when her FH's dad called up my father and was like 'we need to break these two up. they shouldn't be getting married' and my dad, mind you he never really speaks his mind, just goes 'do you know how many times we've tried? my daughter can do so much better but for some reason she picked him, so we're going to support her'. i was like yay, go dad!

Re: just need to vent

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Posted by alibali

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Posted by slwh2005

Vent away!! anytime you need to we're here to listen (or read about it.) I feel badly for your sister. Do you like her FH? He doesn't sound like such a great guy.

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thanks for listening! it feels great to be able to talk to people who are going through the same things. i'm so happy i found LIW.

and nope, don't like her FH.. there's many reasons for this, but they probably woulnd't be appropriate to post in here. no one in my family really likes him, we know she can do better.

the best part was when her FH's dad called up my father and was like 'we need to break these two up. they shouldn't be getting married' and my dad, mind you he never really speaks his mind, just goes 'do you know how many times we've tried? my daughter can do so much better but for some reason she picked him, so we're going to support her'. i was like yay, go dad!

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Wow!! Good for your dad!! Hopefully your sister will realize her mistake before it's too late. That must be very hard for you to support her when you know it's not the right thing for her. Ugh!!

Re: just need to vent

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Posted by slwh2005

Wow!! Good for your dad!! Hopefully your sister will realize her mistake before it's too late. That must be very hard for you to support her when you know it's not the right thing for her. Ugh!!

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yea, to put it in a nutshell: it sucks. but hey, if she loves him i guess its not a mistake.. plus we all have better hopes for the second marriage.