Just really need to vent...

i only have a little while because i have to be at this catering job but i'm so depressed..

I was trying to find black pants cause i need them for today and i knew none of mine were gonna fit.. Fh found an old pair and said what about these.. well i just about zipped themup and i bought them when i was first losing weight and i was probably closer to 136plbs than anything else.. for me that's alot of weight cause im very small boned and short...and actually it's overweight for my healthy weight range... i'm normally around 111. I can not believe this..I've been waiting for my perscription to come in .. i take anxiety meds daily... and since i have no medical i get a 3 month supply for free through the company who makes them .. i have to have my doctor fill out paper work every 3 months.. and i was so busy last month when i got low that by the time i got there i was out of pills so i've been without them for 2 weeks.. now already being about 15 pounds overweight and trying to diet..i have not been able to stop eating!!!!!!! my doctor has always told me it has to do with horomones and all this crap.. I remember when i wasn't on any meds at like age 17 i had shot up to like 165plbs..when i finally got on some meds i dropped like 5 plbs.. and was finally able to control my eating. i then went to weight watchers and lost another 50. Now i'm almost half way back to where i was and i can not believe it. I am sooo depressed because no matter what i do lately i just can't lose it. I've fallen into a pretty bad slump and i hate the way i feel. I dread getting dressed to leave the house because none of my clothes fit anymore. I was always 'the fat friend' with 'the great personality' and when i lost weight i finally felt good about myself for the first time.. so this is really hard for me. I'm supposed to go dress shopping with my BMs next sat. and i don't even want to now.. i can't seem to stop crying and now i have to go work.. ughhhh. Sorry girls.. i know i'm going on and on.. i just don't know what else to do. I know once i get my meds it'll be easier.. but when i'm off of them ..the weight piles on really quickly and now i'll have to work to lose even more weight and that doesn't happen as easily. It's really frustrating to not be able to control my anxiety or my weight without a stupid pill. I can't afford a gym since we are putting all our money into planning.. and i'm not working steadily right now.. and the dieting is just not going well since i'm never full lately(and trust me.. i was like the WW queen.. i can control my portions..i trained my body ..and it became second nature).. i don't have a partner to go walk in the park with or do any of that.. so it makes it hard to get and stay motivated.. so It's just really frustrating and alls i wanna do is lay in bed and watch crappy TV.
sorry girls.. thanks for reading...even though i sound like a big sad sap whose just complaining

oh honey!!! I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I know this isn't going to make anything better, but regardless of what you weigh, you are an AMAZING person. You are funny and honest and always here to shell out adive whenever ANYONE on this site needs it. No one here can make you feel better about your body, and I know how it feels to struggle with food. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy. you just need one good day of eating right and wroking out and you will get that high again and hopefully that will help you get back into the healthy routine. Whenever I get in my food funk, that is what i do.

Anyway, if you ever need anything, I'm only an FM away...

You will be okay. Dieting is very hard and it's a lot harder when you don't have someone to do it with you. I know I've been trying. Since work isn't that steady right now and the weather is still nice, just go for a walk in the park anyway. A half hour is all you need. Do you keep a lot of food in the house? How about making your fruits and veggies more accessible and cooking healthier meals? It would be benefiting both you.

If you want a site to try to lose weight, try www.sparkpeople.com. It's a pretty good site. I used it and lost 10 pounds. It gives you all types of exercises you can do and has chat boards as well. The best part is it's FREE! Many people don't have access to the gym or have stuff at home so it tells you want to use instead. Check it out.

please try not to be too hard on yourself!! the more you stress about it, the harder it gets. here are some tips my former trainer gave me:

allow yourself one cheat day a week so you can eat some of the bad stuff you crave throughout the week and so you don't feel too deprived

get rid of all the junk in the house and replace it with healthy snacks. this way when you get a craving and 'cheat', all you'll have to cheat with are healthy choices.

do a food diary. it really helps for you to see everything you eat in a day. makes it easier to track bad habits.

eat breakfast at home and pack your lunch. it helps you control portions and what goes into your food.

you don't need to join a gym. buy or rent some workoutr tapes. tae bo, crunch, and yoga booty ballet are all great workouts you can do at home.

HTH

I'm so sorry that you feel this way! You are going to look gorgeous in a wedding gown, soo defiantly go shopping! and if you feel like you need to loose some weight shopping may give you a bit of motivation! I know once I found my dress thats exactly what happened, that I started working out and eating a lot better ... And defiantly don't stress about losing the weight hunny, you said you lost 50 lbs on WW! thats amazing, and you can do it again if you need to!!!

you don't sound like a big sad sap at all!!
i can relate to everything you just said.
I have very bad anxiety as well, and eating is a problem with me as well.
I used to weigh 112 and a few years ago i shot up to over 180. I lost about 30lbs but the weight stopped coming off.

It's okay to be upset about everything you just said.
I'm glad you are able to get your medications because the ones I need are not part of the plans the companies have to get them to you for free. I hope the meds get here for you soon.

I know that it might not help but If you need to vent or talk or anything... i'm here.

Im sorry you feel this way! don't stress, you'll get it off
what i did that helps me:
1. eat 6 small meals a day! speeds up your metabolism
2. eat breakfast!
3. drink lots of water
4. try to be active 3 or 4 times a week for a half hour..it can be anything.walking, running (etc) and you don't need a gym for that!
5. avoid foods high in fat..especially saturated fat and trans fat
hth..please feel free to ask me anything ..i would love to help!

oh and btw i am on medication also..blood pressure and birth control..which they said would cause weight gain!!!!!! it hasn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you stick to a healty lifestyle you can fight side effects of meds..

Krystal, don't feel bad for venting! Get it out! It *****. There are so few people in the world that DON'T have to worry about every little thing that they eat... I wish I was one of them!! I wish we all were! Its so upsetting and frustrating when your skinny clothes don't fit; right now I have to wear skirts b/c my fat thighs arent fitting into my dress pants! Uck. You will do it though! You've done it before and you'll get back down there again! Its a new season and its a new week! Don't beat yourself up for what happened prior to today, b/c then you'll just be upset and you'll say f*ck it. THAT'D BE GAY!! It'll be ok! Put off the dress shopping until you feel better about yourself! It shoudl be fun, not miserable!!

Don't be upset with the weight. With eveything going on, it is one step and one thing at a time. As a former WW queen who has put half back, it is hard but you know you can do it. I am in the same boat with nothing fitting and always being in the same outfit, but don't let the weight take control of you. Don't make it have power- remember that you have the power and you can do it. We can do WW on the side of this, just you and me
Please don't be sad

Hey if you live nearby I'll be your walking buddy!!!

thank you so much girls. You guys are the sweetest!!!!! You all give em a lot more credit than i deserve..lol. it's really nice to have an outlet to just vent about all of your feelings, even if your making them bigger than they are, they just feel that big at the time!!! I def. know i can do it.. but you are all right.. i am the type of person who gains when i am stressed rather than lose like most people..... and it's just been really frustrating.. !!!
i do have to say though... I just got back from work about an hour ago... and i will say that the wedding did make me feel a bit better.. seeing the bride and her now DH say thier vows was awesome.. it felt soooo good to be working to make someones day special. And ya know what. it felt nice to be able to say.. no no no ... the toasts come now and this goes after the first dance.. and yadda yadda.. the other waitresses were like you should be a wedding planner..lol. it really was beautiful.. during dinner they played 'all i ask of you' from phantom and that's what my girls are walking down the aisle too and i started to cry..lol. Seeing the bride and groom so happy on the dance floor made me look at things a little bit better. it won't be easy..but i'm glad i have great people to back me up when it gets hard!!! thanks again girls