just venting

hi girls. obviously i'm a regular poster on here, but I didnt want to use my real acct for this. i'm not writing t his for sympathy, but for commiseration... are there some of you out there that feel this way too? I dont know. I hope i'm not the only crazy one.

some days (a lot of days, truth be told) I feel very lonely and isolated. I feel as if my day follows the same pattern... work work work do things around the house, workout... work work work again... I almost feel as if my life holds no joy... I'm not sure if this is my fault b/c I'm a controlling work-a-holic... or if I've become such a hard worker b/c high standards have been set for myself somewhere along the line. I havent had a day off since my vacation in January. Not even a weekend day. Maybe I'm just overly responsible. FH tries to make me feel better, but he's a guy and he just wants to fix things... he tells me to quit one of my jobs, but thats just not possible at this time, especially with paying for a wedding and all...

I feel like an *** saying this, but I have a really hard time, it seems, keeping female friends. Maybe thats a little extreme... maybe its just that I've lost a few GOOD friends in the past few years, and despite trying to fix things, I'm hurt that they've refused. I feel like at my age I will never be able to create really strong bonds again, and that makes me very sad. Again, FH wishes he could fix everythign for me, but sometimes you just need other people in your life too, you know?

I look in the mirror and I am disgusted. It doesnt matter what people say to me, I feel as if I am fat and I hate my face. Some days I leave the house feeling good about myself, and then I look at myself in the mirror at work and I'm disgusted with how I've left the house. I was a fat child, and Ithink these insecurities are imbedded in me.

So, I'm lonely, I'm exhausted, and I hate my outward appearance. All I want to do is sleep, which I'm sure is some form of escapism... Do any of you ladies feel this way sometimes? Especially with the pressure of the wedding?

Again, not looking for sympathy - just looking to get this out of my head so I stop fixating on it, and also to see if I'm not alone in all my mental idiosyncrasies. UGH.

i feel like this sometimes too - i work m-f 9-5, come home, do chores, then i wait to pick up FH from the bus, we come home, we eat dinner, we go to bed its pretty much the same all week - we used to go out for dinner during the week which was nice and i used to go out with my girlfriends once in awhile during the week too but since we dont have any extra money those things arent done as often....i feel frumpy b/c i have no money for clothes -none of my clothes fit me - id love to go on a shopping spree - except it wouldnt even matter because they dont make clothes for girls my size everything is too big for me and it gets very frustrating - because of it i actually hate shopping...my skin has been breaking out, i have pimples - i NEVER got pimples before, im pale, all my clothes are old and too big on me, so yeah a lot of days i feel like $h!t and i never feel like i look put together - and when i try to look nice i just get frustrated and give up sometimes i wonder if its worth all this sacrificing for just one day - but its too late now hahahahaha - vendors are booked and we need to save the money - i look foward to being a newlywed, getting manicures/pedicures, buying myself something once a week, and going out again

I kind of know how you feel. I am at my heaviest now than I ever have been and I often feel disgusted by myself. I feel like I have no friends- except for the ones shared with FH that I only see with him. I feel like I really suck at my job and have no talents or degrees or anything towards doing anhything different. I feel like I am always struggling financially.And I do not have a spare SECOND to do wedding stuff, or clean the house or anything else. As of right now- I am just trying to take one day at a time.

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Posted by Future Mulligan

- i look foward to being a newlywed, getting manicures/pedicures, buying myself something once a week, and going out again

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Same here. I can't wait for the day, but mostly for it to be over so I can pay my bills off and not worry about money and planning anymore..

I can totally relate. M- F is the same thing everyday. Get home from work , do housework, wait for FH (who gets home really late) , eat dinner and go to bed- its like groundhogs day!! We are trying to pay for the wedding next month so we havent had money in ages. On top of having no money we are always too tired from working to go out. On top of all that, i cant lose weight, i have no motivation to go to the gym , my skin is bad, im pale, my clothes are so old, i can keep going but i wont I guess alot of us are feeling this way so maybe its normal.

You have FM

You will see it. its there - i promise you.

Realize your own worth. I have the hardest time with it, but atleast try. Love yourself the most

I felt like that a couple years ago. I actually found speaking to a therapist was extremely helpful. I'm sure your family and FH try to make you feel better, but ultimately these feelings are inside of you. I think that maybe you should try to talk to a counselor. I am so sorry you're feeling this way. And I know when you're feeling like this a random stranger saying 'it will be ok' is of little consolation. But just know that you are not the only person to feel this way and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. FM me if you ever want to chat.

I know how you feel...sometimes I feel that way too. Just last week I was thinking how lousy it was that I busted my b**tt all day at work and had to continue 'working' by cleaning my house b/c we have no $$ for a housekeeper. I too am struggling with my weight and my wedding is only 67 days away. And I too have been breaking out like crazy and just feel like I have gotten so ugly! lol!

It must just be the anxiety of things all coming together...I can't wait to get on that ship for my honeymoon.

Cheer Up!

i could have written every word of this.

i think while it's not healthy to feel this way all the time, it's normal to feel this way some of the time.

feel free to FM either with this name or your 'real' one if you ever need to talk. or get a cup of coffee or something.

i can relate, you are NOT alone in your thinking. we get caught up in the day to day routine...i can relate to the friendship thing you described because i too have lost good girl friends over the years--it makes me so sad and i feel very lonely at times as well. hang in there--you are not alone


if you ever want to go out for coffee or a drink FM me!!

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Posted by Sad08Bride

Thanks girls! I appreciate that you don't care that I'm anonymous.

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Ofcourse - its a daily battle - sometimes even an hourly battle - but its nothing to joke about of force. This sounds funny - but alot of love, acceptace and self soothing goes along way. I struggle with it everyday - and i know i should practice what I preach - but even now to see how hard it is, and that there are others who are dealing too.....

You are remarkable for just recognizing what you are feeling, and reasons why you are feeling those feelings. Thats a huge step!

first i think you can see from everyone else's posts that we all feel like that sometimes- I know I do! Just think in a couple months you get to marry your fh and have an amazing day- keep looking forward to the good stuff & the bad stuff will fade into the background good luck & fm if you need anything

I totally understand how you feel. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

All our $$ right now is going for the wedding. I had put off committing to a dress until recently because I kept wanting to 'lose weight' before I did, now I finally did committ, even though I feel like a heifer and can't stop myself from eating and have little motivation for the gym. It frustrates that FH and I don't have a set routine except for work everyday. Sometimes we're in LI and sometimes we're in Queens...i just want one place so I can have a routine! I don't have a regular nail salong or waxing place, I haven't bought clothes or had a mani/pedi in weeks. I need to get waxed but between being here there and everywhere I can't find the time.

Just remember through all of this that you aren't alone...you will feel like this..especially because like all of us your making a committment to an even larger committment. Life changes always bring on mised emotions, doubt and anxiety. Take a deep breathe and relax and talk to us or if you feel like you ned to a therapist.

i dont always feel this way - but as of now i do - because like i said - wedding planning does take a lot of fun out of my life if we werent paying for everything ourselves we would still have our 'normal' lives - but the way we have been living for the last few months is different and it does get to me....i know that it will be worth it and that things will get better....im actually treating myself to a haircut saturday (i havent gotten a haircut in like 5 or 6 months!!) and tomorrow im going to go for a pedicure after work and thursday i might even attempt to shop a little bit with my gf after we order the BM dresses - i feel like every once in awhile i got to do these things to perk up a little bit and its been a REALLY long time since ive done anything for myself

i am at work so i cant go into too much detail

but please know that wedding planning was the darkest time of my life. and not just because of the wedding planning - i suffered from such terrible anxiety and depression for over a year before my wedding. . . i cried every single moment that i was alone and i eventually had to go on medication.

BUT once my wedding day came, a black cloud was lifted and i seriously feel like a new person. so there IS hope, 'this too shall pass' and you will feel like yourself again

of course, not everything is perfect - i still cant even look in the mirror and i avoid being naked bc i feel so disgusting . . .

BUT my overall emotional well being has GREATLY improved.

talking to some girls on here definitely helped me so i think that you did the right thing by posting and feel free to FM if you would like i would love to respond when i have more time