I can not believe their is 249 days to my big day. This past weekend I was going over a few things with my FMIL and she can not believe how much her son and I have already paid for this wedding. She mentioned she wanted to contribute the same amount of money she contributed to her youngest sons wedding to ours but our wedding is completlely different. Don't get me wrong I so appreciate it but we are having such a smaller wedding and completely different venue. I also have to take into account it is her son that is getting married and I know she wants to contribute. I can not take that away from her. I think I am trying to pay as much as I can on my part as I don't have anyone on my side contributing. My father was very sick and was out of work and it was an extremely stressful emotional rollarcoaster. He is back to work and I am doing everything to make sure he stays on top of his health (he is diabetic) but their is only so much I can do on my end.I just don't want anything to be brought up down the road (not saying it will) of who contributed what. I am so very blessed and lucky to have amazing FIL's. We went through a couple of hiccups with the planning especially with the guests list and I just felt with the lack of my family in attendance she was over compensating with hers. I just don't want to feel like a guest at my own wedding nor do I want to feel because of what she wants to contribute to our wedding that she can dictate how many guests she can invite. I try not to say too much to my dad because he is not contributing anything and he feels bad and I don't want to complain to the FH but he completely understands. And again I am grateful and blessed. We worked things out with the guestlists (thank you Jesus!) and now its just the little things - that can really add up to big things. Lol Sorry so long but just needed to get this off my chest. Was in my own emotional bubble this weekend and I guess I needed to let it out. Thank you ladies for listening. Love you gals and good luck with your planning for your special day.
Msatomrsb
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Just venting ladies.... good and bad
Sorry to hear your going through this. It's funny how everyone says it's your day and then pushes their own agenda so hard. I had a similar situation with my mom and her 'gift' to us. She felt because she was giving money she could dictate how many people she invited. I had to remind her a gift doesn't come with strings and would do my best to accomodate her guest list.
Kimberley2015
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Just venting ladies.... good and bad
Don't get me wrong, I have had such an amazing time with the planning of this wedding. Although there are people absent from my life the man upstairs has a plan and has blessed me with 2 amazing, wonderful women who will be standing by my side. A FMIL who actually bought me my dress and I will never forget that moment of putting on my dress in front of her, knowing 'WE FOUND THE DRESS!! I guess getting closer to the day and trying to tie up loose ends I reflected on all that has transpired and was very taken back by it all.
haw4
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Just venting ladies.... good and bad
Kimberley2015
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Just venting ladies.... good and bad
My FMIL is amazing and I love her to pieces, but she can be a little controlling. I think FH is trying to set boundaries now for down the road. Don't get me wrong my FH and I had fun with planning and adding our own personal touches but we have to come to the realization that we can not make everyone happy.
HRM2015
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Just venting ladies.... good and bad
I'm not sure I see the problem...she just wants to contribute money? Why would she try to take control?
Kimberley2015
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I always wanted a small wedding just because I do not want to put a down payment to a wedding I rather put a down payment to a house. When I mentioned small wedding she said then it will be just family and my FH and I were like wait a minute. The only family member on my side is just my father and then my FH had to cut out all of his friends. Then we spoke again about it and she said you can only invite a few friends. Basically what it came down to it when we spoke about numbers to numbers I only had 18% of guests that I was inviting and my FH had maybe 20% and she was asking full reign. I totally understand that she wants to contribute as her son is getting married, but she was just running with everything. We came to an agreement with all parties involved and just felt it would be fair for everyone to have the same number of guest. Under no circumstances are we complaining about her contributing to the wedding. We are extremely grateful and thankful but we felt that we were losing control of our planning. We found the happy medium.
alissacataldo
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Re: Just venting ladies.... good and bad
Just went through this over the weekend. My grandmother (who isn't giving us any money towards the wedding) said, 'oh you finalized the guest list, I wanted you to invite some of my friends!' I don't even know her friends!!! If your FMIL wants to give you money fine, but I wouldn't worry about her 'paying her share' based on guests from FH's side of the family. You should look at all your guests as you and your FH's family. If she wants to invite someone who you don't know, simply say 'I don't feel comfortable inviting people who I really don't know. We want our wedding to be intimate.'
Kimberley2015
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Re: Just venting ladies.... good and bad
Very true and my FH has been amazing with this whole process. His mom was just concerned about having more friends then family. She feels it will be disrespectful to the family and I understand. Although she is understanding about the lack of my family and how I consider my friends as my family, I was feeling bad for my FH because he had to cut a lot of his friends. What we were trying to explain to her, is his friends as well as mine have become OUR friends. We finally came to an agreement so we are so very happy. After we got over the hurdle the rest of the planning and finishing touches have been smooth sailing.
jaycee
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Just venting ladies.... good and bad
It sounds like you and your FMIL have a great relationship and are really good at communicating what you each want and how you feel, which is pretty impressive. If she's concerned about not contributing as much to your wedding as she did to her other son's, might she be willing to make up the difference with a different kind of gift? Like maybe buying you plane tickets for your honeymoon or something? :)
Kimberley2015
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Just venting ladies.... good and bad
Yes we do and I am truly blessed. FH and my FMIL spoke just the other night and she said she is so happy for the both of us and is really impressed with how much we have accomplished and what we paid by ourselves. However, she wants to contribute and would like if she can pay for the remaining balance of the venue when we give them our final numbers and will pay for any remaining balance of our venues. The florists and DJ are covered so our only venue is the photographer. For that I am grateful and I have to understand that she just really wants to contribute to her son's wedding as well.
