My fiance, my mother and I are currently in the middle of a heated battle about whether to have a band or a DJ. This has been going on for at least the past 4 months.
My fiance is a professional singer and VERY opposed to having a band because A. He is extremely critical of singers in general, and B. He is Israeli and he is concerned that a band will not be able to play any of the music that is important to him. (We're not just talking about a band that can play the horah here.)
My mother, an extremely stubborn control freak, only wants a band and thinks anything else, including half bands with DJs as well as Fusion DL, is unacceptable.
Me, I tend to side with my finace. I would prefer a DJ, but at this point, I'm really mostly interested in keeping the peace.
Now, my parents are paying for the whole wedding, so I would feel like a total spoiled brat turning down something as generous and expensive as a band. However, my finace thinks we have to fight to get what makes us happy on our wedding day.
So what do you girls say? How can I make everyone (reasonably) happy in this situation?
allornil
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Re: Keeping the Peace
Its your wedding. Its nice your parents are paying for it but it seems like your Mom wants what she wants bc shes paying.
Tell her no and get the dj FH wants. You have to live w FH after the wedding not your mom.
JLWSJC
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Re: Keeping the Peace
THis is always a tough spot to be in when one set of parents are paying for the entire wedding.
Is it possible that you can pay fr the entertainment, or that FH or his family can do that? Cause you'll have more balls in your court if you tell your mom listen, I really appreciate your opinion and your generoisyt and this is in now way a sign of disrespect but the wedding has to represent me AND FH so if you don't like that we're going to have a DJ, we'll/FH will/His parents will take care of the entertainment.
Otherwise, it's important that you stand your ground for you to have the wedding you want and for FH to feel like he's respected and valued by you and not completely left out of the process. It's very generous when someone offers to pay, but the generoisty is limited when there are strings. It's his wedding too. It would be a different story if a band was what you wanted and he didn't.
If that doesn't work for you and you're stuck with a band, I'm sure you can find someone in the tri state area who will dow hat you need/want in terms of cultural music. We are in one of the most multicultural areas of the country after all.
Good luck.
Susan2010
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Re: Keeping the Peace
If you are in agreement with FH, then I would hold your ground but be nice about it. Could you tell your parents how much you appreciate their paying for the wedding and their willingness to spend the extra money on the band, but that Israeli music is important to FH and a DJ is the only way to incorporate that so that is what you have decided to do. If she is totally against it you could always let them pay for the wedding and tell them you will pay for the DJ since they feel so strongly against it. At the end of the day it is your wedding and music is a huge part of the night and the decision should be made by you and FH regardless of who is paying. Good luck. Weddings are supposed to be happy and fun- it stinks when there is drama.
wenR
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Re: Keeping the Peace
If you want something different...I would suggest u tell ur parents u will pay for the entertainment and get whatever u want.
dbs244
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Re: Keeping the Peace
If I were in your place, I would let my mother get the band to make her happy, and I would ask my fiance to pay for a dj to make him happy.... at my sister's wedding we had a band to play arabic music for our side of the family and a dj to play american music for her husbands side of the family. The two worked very well together, switching on and off throughout the night, very smoothly. I'll be using the same groups for my wedding next year
vickyp0o1215
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Re: Keeping the Peace
I have been to a wedding with a band and I see whta you mean about them not being able to do certain types of music.. there are even many popular current songs that just dont sound right when a band performs them.. dont get me wrong bands are very classy and elegant.. but need to fit in with the overall feel that you want for your wedding..
If you think that having a band will cause a rift in your marriage before it even starts then go with the dj.. and also stress to mom that YOU want it also so she does not pin all the blame on him.. i know how it feels to have family against fh n vice versa .. it *****!
njoseph8
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Re: Keeping the Peace
Posted by allornil
Its your wedding. Its nice your parents are paying for it but it seems like your Mom wants what she wants bc shes paying.
Tell her no and get the dj FH wants. You have to live w FH after the wedding not your mom.
ITA!! it is YOUR day and she is helping you knowing that
Bee12
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Re: Keeping the Peace
Posted by allornil
Its your wedding. Its nice your parents are paying for it but it seems like your Mom wants what she wants bc shes paying.
Tell her no and get the dj FH wants. You have to live w FH after the wedding not your mom.
ITA!!!!
adelya21
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Re: Keeping the Peace
Agreed, agreed , agreed! Im Jewish and totally understand where your fiance is coming from bec that is my huge issue right now. so im sort of leaning towards his side unless u find an AMAZING band!! I personally would pick a band over a DJ any day if they are excellent.
Posted by allornil
Its your wedding. Its nice your parents are paying for it but it seems like your Mom wants what she wants bc shes paying.
Tell her no and get the dj FH wants. You have to live w FH after the wedding not your mom.
Tromsugar2b
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Member since
Re: Keeping the Peace
if the issue was just that your mom refuses to have anything but a band and your FH hates bands and wants a dj, it would be different, but try to explain to your mother that the band wont be able to play what FH wants in terms of religion/culture and its really important that that stuff is done right.
Jesebelle
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Re: Keeping the Peace
I would tell your mom that unless she wants to have two bands (and have a place big enough for both of them) then you will have to have a DJ. Bands take breaks and play recorded music anyway so what's the difference? And if you get a DJ that specializes in Israeli music it won't be the typical cheesy DJ that all parents fear. Maybe find a few DJs and take her to meet them or show her some videos to expel her fear.
