KIDS!! Rant-sorry

ldrenckhahn Posted: Nov 30, 2007 12:47 AM

KIDS!! Rant-sorry

My FH and I are seriously fighting over inviting kids, not inviting them, having a cut off age, etc. He wants to pick and choose which kids to invite and I feel like this is going to cause more drama than just not inviting them or having a cut off age. Our RH is open bar and has an inside pond and an outside pond (Flowerfield). I have an extremely large family and I know that inviting children of all ages will easily be 250-300 people!! Did anyone else have this problem? It is so frustrating and I really don't think that it is appropriate to have any kids under 18 there. We are not having any kids in our wedding party either.
FH's dad is paying for about 80% of the wedding and my FH thinks that because of this, his family can override anything that I disagree with. Obviously they should have a say in what happens but it makes me completely re-think having his dad pay for our wedding. When I explain my frustration to FH he basically tells me that since his dad is paying then there's nothing that we can do.....

Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can compromise? TIA!!

angl2001 Posted: Nov 30, 2007 12:53 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

Its hard i def dont think you should pick and choose that would be wrong...either invite them all or dont or do a cut off age....but i really dont think you should pick and choose thats gonna cause drama!

JoesFutureWife Posted: Nov 30, 2007 12:55 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

If you don't invite kids under 18 and set a cut off that is going to cause a lot of drama in say a family with 3 kids, 2 who are over 18 and one who is under. How could you invite the parents and 2/3???? We are having aunts, uncles, first cousins and close friends with a few co-workers and our invite list was 286 so far (WITHOUT any kids except those in the bridal party). I think you should just eliminate the kids....you're right about the drama!

ldrenckhahn Posted: Nov 30, 2007 12:59 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

thanks for the prompt responses ladies! you're both right!

and JoesFutureWife we're date twins!

kBr Posted: Nov 30, 2007 01:00 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

wow hmm.. well how about limiting it to kids under say, 14? or some other age under 18.... and explain that there will be drinking going on and there are ponds inside and out and you wouldnt feel safe having small children running around

1nicetouch Posted: Nov 30, 2007 01:40 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

I think you should do what ever that is best for you. If there are a few children that FH wants to be their invite them. Its your wedding my advice is to do whats best for you. You should also check with your hall they might charge 1/2 price for the children under 18. hope it works out!!!!!!!!!!!!

babieblueeyez96 Posted: Nov 30, 2007 07:40 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

we are not having ANY kids...at all!!!! IMO, and absolutely no offense to anyone who thinks differently, but a wedding is not a place for children, and like you said, it just adds on and on to the amount of people

ChristineAaron08 Posted: Nov 30, 2007 07:48 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

I think it has to be accross the board with a cutoff, age, relatives (cousins, second cousins, etc). The problem is, you cant invite the well behaved kids or whatever b/c the other parents will wonder.

If you start saying Joan can bring her kids, but Sue cant, they Sue will be pisssed, ya know. It can definitely cause hard feelings.

I agree with the pond there. I was at a wedding there in Oct and after a few drinks, I was very cautious around it.

jonsgirl04 Posted: Nov 30, 2007 07:53 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

My age limit is 17 and up. All my Aunts were mad that the 15 year olds cousins werent invited, but if I did that then I would have over 40 kids to invite. There is always someone that has to complain in my family.No kids for us! And I had to say NO 3 times to them. They even offered to pay for their plate and I was like SORRY ITS STILL NO! Plus my cousins love running and sliding all over the dance floor! It would be a nightmare!

Future Mulligan Posted: Nov 30, 2007 08:52 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

that is a hard situation when someone else is footing more than half of the bill......when someone else pays you lose a little bit of control.....im not sure what advice to give you b/c you said its your FH that is disagreeing with you not your FIL....is there a reason your FH wants all these young kids at your wedding? is he close with them? are they his nieces/nephews?

snwb08 Posted: Nov 30, 2007 10:15 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

Posted by babieblueeyez96

we are not having ANY kids...at all!!!! IMO, and absolutely no offense to anyone who thinks differently, but a wedding is not a place for children, and like you said, it just adds on and on to the amount of people

i agree, but i'm having all six of my nieces and nephews in my BP so they will be at the wedding; no other kids will be there.

Mici n KC Posted: Nov 30, 2007 10:19 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

Posted by babieblueeyez96

we are not having ANY kids...at all!!!! IMO, and absolutely no offense to anyone who thinks differently, but a wedding is not a place for children, and like you said, it just adds on and on to the amount of people

I completely agree with you on that. We are inviting very few kids to our wedding. One is our FG (daughter of one of my BMs) the rest is FH's first cousins. We will have under 10 kids at our wedding.

bluegreen08 Posted: Nov 30, 2007 10:23 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

Posted by MiciB115

Posted by babieblueeyez96

we are not having ANY kids...at all!!!! IMO, and absolutely no offense to anyone who thinks differently, but a wedding is not a place for children, and like you said, it just adds on and on to the amount of people

I completely agree with you on that. We are inviting very few kids to our wedding. One is our FG (daughter of one of my BMs) the rest is FH's first cousins. We will have under 10 kids at our wedding.

we are inviting my first cousins who i am very close with, and FH's cousins. both sides combined will add up to one very mature 8 year old, one 15, one 16, one 17 (one of my BMs), and the rest are 20+. There really arent other kids to invite on either side, except for some 2nd or third cousins I havent seen in 6+ years who probably dont expect their kids to be invited.

bride-in-training08 Posted: Nov 30, 2007 11:30 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

We debated about this as well. My FH is 1 of 8 kids and I am an only child. I will be inheriting 13 nieces and nephews who I love and are all adorable little terrors! The closest I have to siblings are my cousins (5 of them) who are all under 18. My cousins are in the wedding party so they will be there and we decided to invite all of the nieces and nephews. That would make almost 20 kids for us. We are leaving out cousins b/c they are not the closest to us. I know many people think that weddings are adult only, but I tend to think that they are a family occasion. I would say only invite the little ones that you are closest with (like nieces and nephews). Ultimately it is the parents responsibility and they may not want to bring their kids so they can party it up. I don't feel like our wedding is 'all about us' b/c I think a lot of it is for me and my FH is to be able to enjoy an amazing celebration WITH our families. What is it about kids at a wedding that people don't like? I can totally understand the cost perspective but if someone else is paying, then what are the other issues? Maybe some people are not great at parenting their children so it is disruptive? I don't get it. I guess it is b/c we are used to being part of a big family and we decided to embrace it (hence our 25 person bridal party)!

musicgrl79 Posted: Nov 30, 2007 11:42 AM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

the only kids taht are invite are FHs nieces and nephews. most are teens so its not so bad...but we are not inviting any other kids at all!

Wifeynella Posted: Nov 30, 2007 05:44 PM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

we are doing a cut off age b/c FH's family is HUGE

a cut off age of has to be a definite though, with no exceptionals accept if you have younger kids on the bridal party itself. pick a reasonable age. maybe 13?

bemyyoko Posted: Nov 30, 2007 05:46 PM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

we are only inviting nieces and nephews.
no one else, including, cousins or second cousins under the age of 18

ILOVEBRIAN2008 Posted: Nov 30, 2007 05:59 PM

Re: KIDS!! Rant-sorry

we are inviting our first cousins...we are both pretty close to all of them and cant imagine not having them there

its def a tough situation..i mean if fhs dad is paying and has no problem paying for the kids to come then id just do it..especially if ur fh really wants them there..or just set a cutoff age..but u def dont want to get in a situation where some kids get invited and others dont