Kinda upset; My Son, who's a GM, was not invited to this week's bachelor party. UPDATE

Debi said that Fred's one BM planned it two month's ago, and didn't know my Son was a GM. Some background: Initially, when Fred chose his GM, he didn't think to ask my Son, but after I asked Debi about it, Fred asked my Son; which is a good thing, since, who did Fred think was going to walk me down the aisle? My Son will escort me, while Debi's Dad escorts her. My Son feels like a fifth wheel, because he wasn't chosen with the rest of the guys, initially. His feelings were hurt. Now, he's not included in the Bachelor party. Now my feelings are hurt for him, and I'm praying he never finds out he wasn't invited. I don't think that would make for future great BIL connections. Sorry if I'm being a pooper about this, but as I told Debi, since her Brother has been recovering from the bad accident three yrs. ago that nearly killed him, it's been a very tough journey out of depression, and asking, ' Why me?' I just wish people would be more thoughtful and inclusive. Thanks for listening!! Mary MOB


UPDATE Oh my!!!!!! Fred called to speak to Ben. He's working. Don't know what Debi told him. She said she just wants everyone to be happy. Unfortunately, I called my Son, to tell him to call Fred, about the Bachlelor Party this weekend, and Ben was shocked that it's this weekend, extremely upset and hurt. I told him it was a mistake, the BM didn't know he was in the BP. He understood but he's still upset. He said he really wanted to go to it because he never went to one; However, he's scheduled to work this weekend. Stating how he wasn't invited initially, to be a GM, now this, he said, ' What else are they gonna do that will upset me?' He was ready to quit the BP, but I told him I want HIM to walk me down the aisle, not Fred's friends. Poor guy!!!! Mary MOB

Oh Mary - I'm so sorry. That was very inconsiderate and thoughtless to not include Debi's brother in Fred's bachelor party! You had no problem telling Debi's friend that her baby was not invited to the shower - can you tell Fred to stop being a boob?

How old is your son?

He should have been included. That isnt right. Hopefully this doesnt cause problems down the line. Sorry Debi

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

Oh Mary - I'm so sorry. That was very inconsiderate and thoughtless to not include Debi's brother in Fred's bachelor party! You had no problem telling Debi's friend that her baby was not invited to the shower - can you tell Fred to stop being a boob?

How old is your son?

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Ben is 30. And you're right, I think Fred should have told his BM, ' Hey, don't forget my FBIL!!!!' Debi doesn't think it was intentional; Fred just didn't think. But what's the big deal? Couldn't the BM still make it right, and invite my Son, and apologize? I think he could even go so far as to book a room, if my Son wanted to go. I don't think an effort is being made here. Mary MOB

Honestly, and forgive me if I'm wrong, but all these guys went to college together, and Ben would be the odd man out; I don't think they really want him to come, but I could be wrong.

You are right he should have been invited but (and not to defend anyone) there are a few reasons he may not have been:

1. How old is he? If they have things planned that he isn't old enough to participate in that could be the reason.
2. And this probably more of the case -- Men don't think. Sad but true. Is it possible that Fred isn't in on the planning and doesn't know that his FBIL wasn't on the invite list? His BM may have not even realized that he missed him. It does happen.

There could be simple solution, since he his hurt that he wasnt' asked to be a GM from the beginning he may be hurt he wasn't asked to go to the BP at first either --
Maybe Fred could invite him to do something just the two of them for some more appropriate Male bonding.


ETS: Ok I just saw your other post. If he is 30 then Fred's BM needs to man up and call your son and invite him. Just simply say it was an unintentional error. As I said Guys don't think. But the good side to that is they don't really hold grudges either!

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Posted by debismom

Honestly, and forgive me if I'm wrong, but all these guys went to college together, and Ben would be the odd man out; I don't think they really want him to come, but I could be wrong.

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Oh that's just horse caca! I'd be so mad too Mary. You're sweet so I won't say what I really want to say.

Debi needs to set this one straight. It absolutely will cause tension regarding future relations.

What does Debi have to say about all this?

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

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Posted by debismom

Honestly, and forgive me if I'm wrong, but all these guys went to college together, and Ben would be the odd man out; I don't think they really want him to come, but I could be wrong.

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Oh that's just horse caca! I'd be so mad too Mary. You're sweet so I won't say what I really want to say.

Debi needs to set this one straight. It absolutely will cause tension regarding future relations.

What does Debi have to say about all this?

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Oh, Jenn, thanks for making me !!!! Well, Debi knows how I feel. She would probably say more to Fred if I told her to, but I don't want my relationship to Fred to be strained, trying to force him or his BM to do what I think is appropriate. The thing is, my Son might not have been able to go because of $ and working. But it would have made him feel good to be invited. Debi said Fred doesn't know Ben. I said, ' At what point does he want to try to get to know him, would the bachelor party not have been a great way to get to know Ben?' Mary MOB

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

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Posted by debismom

Honestly, and forgive me if I'm wrong, but all these guys went to college together, and Ben would be the odd man out; I don't think they really want him to come, but I could be wrong.

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Oh that's just horse caca! I'd be so mad too Mary. You're sweet so I won't say what I really want to say.

Debi needs to set this one straight. It absolutely will cause tension regarding future relations.

What does Debi have to say about all this?

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caca

I don't know why I find that so funny but I do.

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

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Posted by debismom

Honestly, and forgive me if I'm wrong, but all these guys went to college together, and Ben would be the odd man out; I don't think they really want him to come, but I could be wrong.

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Oh that's just horse caca! I'd be so mad too Mary. You're sweet so I won't say what I really want to say.

Debi needs to set this one straight. It absolutely will cause tension regarding future relations.

What does Debi have to say about all this?

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Oh, Jenn, thanks for making me !!!! Well, Debi knows how I feel. She would probably say more to Fred if I told her to, but I don't want my relationship to Fred to be strained, trying to force him or his BM to do what I think is appropriate. The thing is, my Son might not have been able to go because of $ and working. But it would have made him feel good to be invited. Debi said Fred doesn't know Ben. I said, ' At what point does he want to try to get to know him, would the bachelor party not have been a great way to get to know Ben?' Mary MOB

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Mary you are right on this one -- all that was needed was an invitation. And if Fred and Ben don't know each other well then they should do something so they can get to know one another.
My sister lives down in NC and we all live up here so naturally we didn't know her husband very well when they got married. My FH, Brother and BIL would make the effort when he was up here visiting to do things with him to make him feel more involved since he wasnt' here on a day to day basis. They did it for him and for my sister. He somehow even got my brother and FH into Nascaar which my BIL who they see all the time couldn't do for years. Now that my long winded story is over I hope you get my point.

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Posted by debismom

Anne, Debi mentioned Fred could do something special with Ben. Mary MOB

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I think that is a better idea personally. To be honest I dont think it was done intentionally and it can be hard to go away with a bunch of college buddies and not know anyone. It may not have been so much fun for Ben. But I still get your point!

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Posted by DNS91308

Awe im sorry. My brother is a GM and i had to remind my FH 3 times to include him when the email went out from another GM about the Bachelor party plans. My brother is in grad school and they planned it for the end of May . So he wasnt able to go b/c of finals. My bro was kinda relieved b/c he wasnt going to know anyone other then FH anyway.

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Dana, thanks for sharing!! I know Ben would probably not feel he fit in, but on the other hand, maybe these guys are missing out on getting to know a great guy!! Mary MOB

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Posted by anneandchris

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

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Posted by debismom

Honestly, and forgive me if I'm wrong, but all these guys went to college together, and Ben would be the odd man out; I don't think they really want him to come, but I could be wrong.

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Oh that's just horse caca! I'd be so mad too Mary. You're sweet so I won't say what I really want to say.

Debi needs to set this one straight. It absolutely will cause tension regarding future relations.

What does Debi have to say about all this?

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Oh, Jenn, thanks for making me !!!! Well, Debi knows how I feel. She would probably say more to Fred if I told her to, but I don't want my relationship to Fred to be strained, trying to force him or his BM to do what I think is appropriate. The thing is, my Son might not have been able to go because of $ and working. But it would have made him feel good to be invited. Debi said Fred doesn't know Ben. I said, ' At what point does he want to try to get to know him, would the bachelor party not have been a great way to get to know Ben?' Mary MOB

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Mary you are right on this one -- all that was needed was an invitation. And if Fred and Ben don't know each other well then they should do something so they can get to know one another.
My sister lives down in NC and we all live up here so naturally we didn't know her husband very well when they got married. My FH, Brother and BIL would make the effort when he was up here visiting to do things with him to make him feel more involved since he wasnt' here on a day to day basis. They did it for him and for my sister. He somehow even got my brother and FH into Nascaar which my BIL who they see all the time couldn't do for years. Now that my long winded story is over I hope you get my point.

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Anne, you're quite right, just an invitation; I really appreciate hearing how your family tried to get to know each other. Very thoughtful and kind!!! Mary MOB

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by anneandchris

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Posted by debismom

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

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Posted by debismom

Honestly, and forgive me if I'm wrong, but all these guys went to college together, and Ben would be the odd man out; I don't think they really want him to come, but I could be wrong.

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Oh that's just horse caca! I'd be so mad too Mary. You're sweet so I won't say what I really want to say.

Debi needs to set this one straight. It absolutely will cause tension regarding future relations.

What does Debi have to say about all this?

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Oh, Jenn, thanks for making me !!!! Well, Debi knows how I feel. She would probably say more to Fred if I told her to, but I don't want my relationship to Fred to be strained, trying to force him or his BM to do what I think is appropriate. The thing is, my Son might not have been able to go because of $ and working. But it would have made him feel good to be invited. Debi said Fred doesn't know Ben. I said, ' At what point does he want to try to get to know him, would the bachelor party not have been a great way to get to know Ben?' Mary MOB

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Mary you are right on this one -- all that was needed was an invitation. And if Fred and Ben don't know each other well then they should do something so they can get to know one another.
My sister lives down in NC and we all live up here so naturally we didn't know her husband very well when they got married. My FH, Brother and BIL would make the effort when he was up here visiting to do things with him to make him feel more involved since he wasnt' here on a day to day basis. They did it for him and for my sister. He somehow even got my brother and FH into Nascaar which my BIL who they see all the time couldn't do for years. Now that my long winded story is over I hope you get my point.

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Anne, you're quite right, just an invitation; I really appreciate hearing how your family tried to get to know each other. Very thoughtful and kind!!! Mary MOB

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Thanks. Fred and Ben will find that nitch -- it just takes time.

Thanks, ladies, for your kind remarks!! Mary MOB