So lately I have really been thinking of going back to school and going to be a biology teacher. I am working in a lab now and even though I love what I do, i just cant see myself doing this for the rest of my life...So i was thinking of going to an online program for my bachelors in teaching and then getting masters through an online/in school program, like briarcliff or something (FH's mom did that...) So I tell my parents what I am thinking of and they said I should go for it and they would help me pay for it no problem. I tell my FH and it was wolrd war 3...He got so upset with me for even thinking about changing careers. I told him how unhappy i felt with my current career, how i feel that by becoming a teacher it would be better in the long run if we had a family and that my hours would be better, etc. He didnt want to hear it. He told me that I will never be happy with whatever I do and I will always be changing my mind so dont even waste my time bc the idea is stupid, we a savring for a wedding so we cant afford tuition (which my parents would pay...) and we want to get a house/start a family one day so it is stupid of me to do it. I should just suck it up and stay with what I am doing and be a miserable 70 year old working for hourly pay until the day i die.
I am just upset that he reacted so aggresively when i told him about it...and I dont know what to do. I REALLY want to go back to school and do this, I feel i could be a great teacher. Yes I understand its hard to find a job right now, but thats right now, no one knows what can happen in 4-5 years from now...I would still be working my three jobs to make money and save for everything, and i would do school work at night before bed and on my lunch break...
What do you girls think? Should i say whatever and just go to school behind his back? Should i say whatever and tell him if he doesnt like it he can leave me? Should I just not go and suck it up and keep doing what i am doing? Or should I just say to him 'screw you, if you dont like and and you cant support my decision how will you be when I am your wife looking for support?' and just say forget everything and call off our engagement (Yea thats how upset I am about this, bc if he reacts this way with me trying to better myself, have a more stable career and more MONEY...how will he be when I decide to do something else after we are married....)
I just have to add, the kicker of his whole angry reaction was, 'why are you going to change careers now when after we have kids in a few years your going to stay home with them and stop working?!' *** are you kidding me???!!!! I never ever plan on being a stay at home mom...its not who i am, so why would i change that for him. I am a child of babysitters and day camp and I turned out just fine....
ETA: Am i just being a baby about the whole thing? Should I just get over the whole thing and forget about ever being a teacher?
RitasEngaged
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I think he should support you know matter what and if he doesn't than maybe you should reconsider being with him!!
If going back to school is what you want to do than go for it - and if he doesn't like it oh well!
Opera_Ghost
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Wow I don't know what to say. I can't understand what the problem is if your parents are willing to pay for it. It won't do anything financially to either of you. I can't see why he wants you to not do something you really want with your life. Maybe if your the kind of person who changes what they want to do often I see no reason for him to shoot down your dreams of being a teacher.
I'm not sure what kind of reality your FH lives in, I don't know anyone who is able to be at stay at home mom now a days. Financially it's just not possible unless your FH has a job making like 80k a year or more... it's difficult.
I'd personally do it anyway and tell him if he really loves me he would support my choice.
RedsBride
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
I think you have every right to feel how you do. Maybe he is just nervous about you springing this career change idea on him. I'm not saying you did but I think that's how men think sometimes. Maybe tell him to just think about it for awhile, let it settle in, and then you guys can talk about it again once he cools off. Tell him you want his support in whatever you decide to do. You are young enough to do this and because your parents are helping you, that makes it that much easier for you guys. Once you have a family, it's harder to find the time to go back to school so I say go for it now. HTH a little!
JenBill61210
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
Honestly, I would go back to school since this is what you want. You don't want to be miserable for the rest of your life working in a job that you hate! Plus if your parents are paying for the tuition then thats even better!! He should support you in this situation, because in the long run, it will be better for the both of you, you'll be able to make more money, and have a better quality of life (by your own happiness and with your work hours). Maybe he is not seeing it from your point of view because all he's looking at now is what $ is coming in now so just sit down and explain it to him as a 'long term' plan thing.. maybe that will help..
Good luck and keep us posted!
JoanneAndJustin
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
Gaby...
I think you should go to school. Your parents are willing to pay for it, and a teacher is a wonderful career and it will make you HAPPY. You can go while your working so it won't cut into saving for the wedding.
Being a teacher is kind of in-between a working mom and a stay at home mom, so frame it as a compromise to him. I think it's a good idea and I think you should sit him down and tell him you are going to do it. In the simplest most black and white terms: He can either support you, or suck it up.
You are not being a baby. The two of you seem to have different ideas about what's going to happen 'after the wedding' you both need to sit down and work that out. Tell him NOW that you never intend to be a stay at home mom. (I don't either, FH was shocked -- he learned to live with it).
Do what you've got to to... and if that means going to school to find a better career do it.
DnT2010
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
first of all... i think that it is great that you are willing to take a step towards another career.. heres my opinion.. GO FOR IT!!! you will never be young again and theres no time like the present. this is the BEST time for you to do this... no kids!! maybe you should sit down with your FH and tel him how much this means to you and how in the long run would improve your quality of life.. and dont get hung up on 'jobs are hard to find now' yeah its difficult but its not just the teaching world.. its everywhere.. if you are good at what you do and have good interview skills, you will get a job. especially as a bio teacher.. science teachers are always in demand. i know this is terrible to say but i chose the teaching profession because it will work for the life that i want... i want to be able to stay at home with my babies for a while.. (tenure!!!-- maternity leave!!) and hello summers off!!! holidays all off!!! winter break, easter break... its great. and the opportunities to make extra money are endless, tutor, coach, clubs!!!
i hope your FH comes around in this.. gather your facts ad break it down for him.. and emphasize that your parents will pay for it!! (thats fantastic!)
good luck!!!
TessMike621
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
i'm sorry your fh reacted that way...hopefully he realizes how insensitive he reacted to you..if you want to become a teacher, then see what you have to do to become one...what was your bachelor's in? if it was in science, then i'm pretty sure you will only a few more classes to take before going into a masters program in education...if anything, this is the time to do it when you are still young with no kids!...good luck and i hope your fh apologizes with flowers to you..he should be proud he has a strong independent women!
christine2010
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
wow thats a tough one. first of all i think you need to have a talk with him about not wanting to be a stay at home mom. maybe he doesn't realize thats not you. also maybe he wants to have children right away & if you are in the middle of changing careers he may think u may want to wait a little longer to have kids.
as far as being a teacher goes, i know for a fact that the city really needs science teachers. my FH was offered a position without having a degree. it is a possibility that if you put a resume in you may get a position prior to ever going to school for teaching. i realize that teaching is a good job to have since you will be off when your kids are off, but i know that my friends who are expecting they are only receiving 3 months off after giving birth. i am not sure how much time other jobs give off but that may be something you want to look into.
Nurse12985
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
If you don't like your job then you can't be expected to stay there forever! He has to understand that. I think you need to check out school options more but def. go back. Don't ever stay at a job you hate, I really belive I took years off my life suffering at a job I hated. There is a rewarding carrer for everybody in this world that you can feel good about doing.
Online programs are VERY hard... I would know. I work two jobs and I barley have time to study (no thanks to LI weddings either) I pretty much take my finals with little studying and my fingers crossed. It's alot to take on... just a word of caution. I think that doing a masters online isn't bad but a batchlors has been alot of work.
JenBill61210
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
Oh and forgot to add.... i think there is some sort of program you can do to teach, even if your undergrad degree is not related to Biology.. my FH's cousin's (DWKSWed) FH did this, he majored in undergrad in Film & TV and did a program where he is now teaching Science and currently going for his masters... You may want to FM her for details!
T E R I
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
Posted by jenny8484
Honestly, I would go back to school since this is what you want. You don't want to be miserable for the rest of your life working in a job that you hate! Plus if your parents are paying for the tuition then thats even better!! He should support you in this situation, because in the long run, it will be better for the both of you, you'll be able to make more money, and have a better quality of life (by your own happiness and with your work hours). Maybe he is not seeing it from your point of view because all he's looking at now is what $ is coming in now so just sit down and explain it to him as a 'long term' plan thing.. maybe that will help..
Good luck and keep us posted!
I absolutely agree with Jenny.
Gaby, for you to be going through this, i definitely don't recommend going to school behind his back, that could cause more issues than are needed. Talk it out
DnT2010
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Posted by jenny8484
Oh and forgot to add.... i think there is some sort of program you can do to teach, even if your undergrad degree is not related to Biology.. my FH's cousin's (DWKSWed) FH did this, he majored in undergrad in Film & TV and did a program where he is now teaching Science and currently going for his masters... You may want to FM her for details!
this program is for people with a bachelors that decide to change their career.. its called the teaching fellows program.
bkbaby4life
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
i had a similar situation where i told FH that i hated my current job (structural engineer) and that i was thinking of becoming a teacher. he also didnt react too well because he's convinced i'll never make as much money as an engineer.
he also recommended that i try something different using the degree i have (civil engineering) becuase being a structural engineer is only one of a dozen things that i can do with my degree. this made sense to me because you may find something u love...like....or hate less without going back to school.
is there anything else you can apply ur education/experience to before making a commitment to go back to school for teaching?
p.s. besides that. he needs to be more supporting. after my FH flipped out he managed to calm down and talk about this rationally with me. i am now actively job hunting for positions that do NOT involve structures.
CristinanBen2010
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
You are not being a baby at all, I would be upset also. You need to do what makes you happy. People change careers all the time until they find something they love and you know your going to be happy with this so you should tell him this. I would go to school. You have a whole plan and it seems to be a great plan. Im a teacher and love it. Im going to school now. I took a few courses at school and I do a few online. I'll be done this December and its the best thing I could have done, I say talk to him about it and dont let him win. If this is what you want, GO FOR IT!
JoesFutureWife
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
Sorry to crash but i think there is a bigger issue here than going back to school. The way your fh responded is not positive. It seems as if the topic was not up for discussion instead he said no no no you're not doing this. I definitely agree with the other ladies that if you want to go back to school, you should. After you are married it is all the more difficult to go back. You really need to talk to your fh and together decide what is the best route for you to take. However his inability or willingness to communicate with you needs to be addressed immediately. Best of luck to you!
Goldie39
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
Gaby, in the few months that I've know you, you have shown that you are a hard worker that makes smart decisions. You;re working three jobs (that's alot for anyone), you made the right choice by moving back to home to be more economical and save more money for the wedding and your future. You barely ever get days off of work, and when people don't show up, you can't leave. That being said, you can not live like that forever or you will be burned out. It is important that you find and do whatever makes you happy because at the end of the day, your happiness is the only thing that matters. You don't want to live life with regrets thinking, 'what if I would have done this/that?' Your decision to go back to school will only benefit you and FH down the line and he needs to take a moment to put himself in your shoes and see where you are coming from.
I don't think there is any need to call off the engagement. You're just really mad right now (and u have every right to be) and letting your emotions get the best of you. talk this over again with FH after you have calmed down a bit and let him know that as your future husband, you need his support in any endeavor you choose to seek out. This is just a small hurdle along the way. the two of you will make it through this and many more things. I am sure of it.
amandah75
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
This is a rough one. It's like you said, if he's like this now, what will it be like after you are married. Was there something else going on that he was mad about and you just caught the brunt of it?
There has to be give and take in a relationship, compromise. It shouldn't be a 'my way or no way' relationship. It sounds like he has certain thoughts on your future together and you have your own ideas. Think you really need to sit down and discuss this without fighting to see where each of your heads are at so you know where each other stands. You need support from your partner, it's so important. FH went back to school in the fall and i was apprehensive because it is putting a strain on things, but it's been his dream for so long so I'm doing everything I can to support him in his endeavor. If he's doing this about school, what else will his say be final in? you gotta talk this one out cause it's a biggie i think.
grrulz
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
Hey!!! I feel really bad fro what you are going thru...but i think school comes first and it's always good to have an education. I definitively think you should go back to school no doubts!!!! you'll be making much more money in the long run. How long do you need to get your bachelors??? I'm getting my BA in spring 09 i'm a soc major you are lucky you are choosing a subject that is taught in school. I applied for teaching fellows and teach for america and i got rejected from teach for america i'm still awaiting on a decision for teaching fellows....if could do it all over again i will def choose a subject like yours so please don't give it up!! take advantage go back to school. Maybe FH is just scared because of money and the paying!! but i'm sure he will be more supportive once you start going to school. These are just one of the problems you will face once you are married you need to just relax and try to fix your problem without thinking oh is he going to leave me or stuff??you can't think like that anymore it is a different story now. Good luck AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL
stinenandy2010
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Re: Kindof a vent but in need of advice LONG
First, Gaby, hugs!
Next, I think going back to school is an excellent decision. Education is the best investment you could ever make and it really pays off in the long run. Plus, LI teachers get paid so much. Definitely go for it. Its the best job for a wife/mother. I would look into online programs. I know Stony Brook has an 18month program, plus its state tutition which would help your parents out. SB also has a lot of online programs as well. (as you can see I am a huge SB supporter, thats where I am getting my MBA)
