My family does NOT approve of my engagement and wedding, and have said they want no part of any of it and that neither does anyone in my family...they say they like FH and that they would love for him to be their son-in-law. Yet two seconds later they turn around and try to break up our relationship....they say they want to help plan my engagement party but they turn around and say they will not come to the engagment party or wedding. I understand that I am very young to be engaged (I will be 22 in 2 months) but does that give them the right to try to break up my relationship or the right to badger me with reasons why I cant be with him? I dont know how to get everything out in words, but what Im asking is how do I deal with this? I was so happy for the first 12 hours of my engagement and then I got to my parents and was miserable ever since...all I do is stress over this situation, is there anyway to remedy it? Can this possibly be fixed, a giant rift has been formed between my family, FH and myself... I just dont know what to do ladies, I am at a total loss...
jgl
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
that is sad. Im sorry!!! unfortunelty there many be nothing you can do but to just ignore them and enjoy your engagement.
Have you sat down and talked to them about this? Have you told them how you feel? maybe you and FH should sit with them and talk it out.
I hope this gets resolved it is a horrible feeling when you dont feel your parents are happy for you!
xBrunette
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
I'm sorry that happened to you... have you tried to sit down and talk to them? ask them why exactly they dont want you to get married? How long do you plan to wait to get married, maybe if u tell them.... How long have you been with him, that could be another reason? it shouldn't matter, but sometimes parents think they are doing the best for their children, when they really aren't, that's when you have to step up to the plate and act like an adult and explain your feelings and thoughts... well other then that.. just enjoy you engagment... and have fun with it..
luvabul
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
i dont think being young should be a reason your family should ostracize you and scold you. Engagements should be one of the happy moments in your life, a period that is stressful ....cuz ur planning the weddinggg of your dreams but also since this is you taking your relationship with FH to the next level.
im really sorry how your family is reacting. Is that their only concern, your age? how old is your FH is you dont mind me asking.
I got engaged when i was 20..and married..now im 22... my parents had some doubts and concerns but DH and I cleared all the misconceptions they had...
SoontobeMrsMc
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. The last thing you want is for your parents to not approve of your marriage. I think you need to sit down (no yelling) and talk to them. Explain that you are mature enough to make this decision and that you need their emotional support. I'd also explain that it's not like you got engaged yesterday and are getting married next month. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a short proposal but in terms of your parents accepting and understanding things... They have a reasonable amount of time to learn to accept things and for you to show them how serious you are (despite your age). I know you shouldn't have to prove anything to anyone but considering how much they mean to you and how much this hurts you, you may want to take the extra effort, over the engagement period, to show them that you really truly love him and know this is the right decision. Hopefully, after they see that you are serious and truly understand the decision you have made, they will come to terms and accept things. HTH
gettinghizitched
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
I sort of know how you feel. When me and FH were dating it took me a long time to introduce him to them b/c I know that they would not approve. But after awhile they slowly but surely liked him. And after nine years of going out they like him more then me . So i think that if you give them time they will grow to love him like you do. Weather it be today, the day before the wedding or after they will come around. HTH.
rocketsummer17
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
we have been together for 4 years, he is 26 I am 21. They are worried about my age and his financial earning power...Yes money matters but it doesnt matter enough that they call him names... I have tried to talk to them and I have suggested that all 4 of us talk this all out together but they dont even want to see my fiance. They call him and I immature, but who is immature when they 'kick and scream' and call people names behind their backs?? This really stinks to be in this position...I really appreciate everyone's response's to this, thanks girls.
xBrunette
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
ohh, that's ruff.... i'd con my parents tellin them i wanted to go out to dinner with them.. then bring FH along without them knowing.. just so we could all talk... but then again i dont know your family...
portjeffbride
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
you love him and you're not second guessing your decision..... that means marriage is right for you.
many couples have families who try their best to sabbotage the relationship or the wedding. Frequently it is partly due to parental seperation anxiety, and also partly due to the apprehension of adding a new family member to the holiday dinner table......
Their childish and cruel behavior isn't justified, but likely these are the reasons behind them. My FH is much younger than me, and his parents HATED, I repeat, HATED me before they even met me (that's fair ) It took year for them to warm up to me, but they finally have. While there was drama during our dating period, by the time the wedding rolled around, they were happy for us, with no harsh feelings at all.
keep your chin up.....and quietly resist the intense familial pressure. Show up together at the holidays, dismiss obnoxious comments, and eventually, they'll calm down once they realize their behavior will not change anything.
good luck!
missK
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
Im sorry to hear that . Congrats on your engagement. You need to talk to your family and find out what it is that is making them act this way. They will always look at you as their baby no matter how old you are when you get married. I dont know your situation but being young and going to school, workig and getting married financially is tough. Sure many people do it but its an added pressure on a new marriage. That is probably what they are focusing on. I am sure they want to see you happy and they will come around. Stick in there.
ratherbealeper
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
How long have you been engaged for? Usually it takes times for some parents to really warm up to the idea of letting their little 'baby' go and putting their trust into the hands of some random dude...
Stay strong with your FH and focus on trying to allay any fears or concerns your parents may have. Communication with your parents is key.... tell them what is great about your FH, WHY you love him, WHY you trust him etc. And ask them 'what can I do to make you feel comfortable with this' and even 'what can WE do to make you feel comfy' etc.
I really hope you are able to work this out and have your family share this special time with you.
Colleen214
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
Posted by ratherbealeper
How long have you been engaged for? Usually it takes times for some parents to really warm up to the idea of letting their little 'baby' go and putting their trust into the hands of some random dude...
this is true. We were 22 when we were engaged and we're 23 and getting married next month. Of course, there will be people who think you're too young (and it's worse when they're family) but it's the kind of thing that gets easier over time. Once they get more used to the idea, they will probably lighten up a bit. You can try to emphasize aspects of your life that you feel you are especially mature in (i.e. if you live on your own, have a full-time job, pay your own bills, etc.) These kinds of things help prove that you are responsible and capable of making your own decisions, especially about your love life.
JKFris09
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
I was your age when we got engaged too, I get the comment from people that we're young but I say dont worry about that if you know you're ready then you are. As for your family maybe you should sit down with them and really find out what they're problem is with your engagement and see if there's a bigger problem underneath. Hopefully some time will allow everything to work itself out. What about FH's family are they supportive, maybe you can lean on them for some support.
jeanne08
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
So Sorry you're going through this. This should be the happiest time of your life! Have they given you actual reasons (besides the age thing) That they don't want you to get married? Or are they just saying they don't want you to get married? People get very weird about weddings (as you'll see on many post here). I hope things work out for you! Best of Luck!
PegaLega
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
I would talk to them, tell them that youre happy and either they can except it or not. But going back and forth with how they feel is twisting you up and you need to know what the real issue is.
Good Luck-no one can kill your excitement like family that doesnt have your back. Be excited, enjoy this time-it only happens once and make it the best time of your life!
ETA: Age is nothing but a number...no one KNOWS how you feel except for you. I know plenty of people married at your age and they are happy!
AllyDrew1108
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
Wow, what a downer for you! I hear you though... The other day my Future Mother In Law told me I'm gaining weight (knowing I'm trying to lose) and that she's really not excited about our wedding - saying she's aleady gone through all this with her own? Um? HUH?!
It's not fair. I know how you feel. You are excited and hearing people's negative comments take away from it all. Try to stay upbeat. Threaten them and say you'll elope! Ha ha! Sometimes I wish we were really doing that.
mrsdraskin2009
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
I echo everyone else's advice in that you should just sit them down and very firmly ask why they don't like him and why you shouldn't get married. Chances are, they won't have any sound reasons except their own personal prejudices. Tell them that by not having their support, they are risking losing your relationship. Take care
colleen1117
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
i'm so sorry you are going through this. though i don't have the same 'disapproval of the marriage' i did run into a lot of conflict with my mother right from the start. so i kiiiinda know how it feels to be depressed and or stressed! its hard to give advice when you don't know the persons family...but i really think that age has nothing to do with it. if you weren't mature enough or ready for this you would've let your family strong arm you out...and you havent. sit down with the one person or people who seem to be leading the pack...mom and dad or one or the other. tell them that you need to understand this. from the bottom of your heart you so want this all to work and you don't want to live your future being stuck in the middle. maybe its something he said once or did thats being misconstrued or a fear that your parents have thats unfounded....it will take a nice honest calm discussion. i wouldn't do it in a restaurant or out to dinner. they may feel ambushed and you wont get to the root of the problem. I'd do this one where they are most comfortable - at their house. schedule time with them and let them know what you want to discuss ahead of time. this way they can think about it and it wont be a 'reactionary' conversation. you may get the REAL answer if they have a chance to sit and really think about what they want to say to you. what their objections are.
best of luck to you sweetie! whatever happens, it will all work out the way its supposed to!
Mrs. V 2008
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
wow im sorry that your going through this..its a tough situation because theres not much you can do, besides ignore them..have you tried discussing this with them?
tdebe
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Re: ladies, I need family advice...
I know exactly how you feel. FH and I were both 20 when we got engaged and FMIL threw a fit because she thought we were young and stupid and had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. However, as things started progressing and things were getting booked and contracts were getting signed she eventually calmed down. She still has her moments, but with 9 months to go, there's not much she can do about it. Now that she sees that it's really gonna happen she knows that she has to either be quiet or be left out and no parent wants to be pushed out of their child's life. Good luck!
