Ladies... I really, really need your help! (LONG)

My DH talked to his parents in Maryland about the C-section taking place on Monday before I even got home last night from running aroud with the doctors. Well, they said whatever I want them to do, they'll do. Meaning, they can stay here with us, or at a hotel, before or after the baby, etc. My MIL said they'll call back to find out what I would like for them to do. Well, after I posted about C-section last night, his parents called back, and told us that they're not going to come down until about a week later that way they can spend more time with us??? Also, they have something to do on Tuesday and Thursday anyway!!! Ok... I am still in shock about having a C-section, and then I need this thrown at me. Now, when I heard this I couldn't help but cry. I mean I really cried!!! Now, just about no one has even called to check up on my DH and I throughout this whole PG. Everyone we know except both our parents live in NY. That was upsetting enough that it didn't seem like anyone cares enough to call and see how I'm feeling/doing. Fine... I dealt with it. But now... how the HEL L can my DH parents not be here for their first grandchild's birth??? I just can't contemplate it. There wouldn't even be a question about it if it were my kids. I'd be there in a heart beat! I'm sorry, but nothing is more important than your son having a baby unless you're having major surgery or something. I don't care!!! I am sooo upset about this. I can't help it. We just can't believe it! What also bothers me is that his parents can go visit up in NY for Xmas for a week and a half just to visit with no problems, but when we're having a baby, we're not important enough. I feel like the biggest piece of SH*T going... none existant, you know? My poor DH. Besides thinking how much this hurts me, my DH can't believe it too! He was drinking a bit last night to celebrate, so it hasn't hit him just yet. I just can't believe they would do this to their own son. His family is/was so close? My DH needs some support and help too! He's not going to be at the hospital 24/7. I know he needs them. Not just to see the baby, but someone to spend time with, celebrate with, talk to. We've lived in NC for 4.5 years now, we don't really have any friends, just co-workers, but no one to come to the hospital. I just can't believe we're not going to have the support from his parents. It's a total shock to us! I'd never do this to my kids. I really want to call them and ask what the hell is sooo important that you can't be here for his birth? My DH said go for it, but I know it will cause something, and I don't need that, and then I don't want them to be here unless they wanted to be. There is no reason for this... MD is only 4.5 hours from here. I feel that if they want to spend more time here that they should drive down for the birth spend a day or two, go back to MD do what you have to do, and then come back. I know it's a bit of driving, but they have no problem driving 5.5 hours to LI for no reason alot of the time! Their son/and grandson should come first. They didn't even tell my DH what was more important that they had to do? I think it's because I'm having a C-section, so they figure the baby will be at the hospital with me, so they don't want to spend time here at the house while we're at the hospital. Like I said, my DH won't be at the hospital 24/7!!! My DH also only has 2 weeks off from work, so there won't be time for him to spend with them if they come a week or so aftert the baby is born. You would think that they would want to be there for the initial viewing of the baby? It's a special moment, that they don't seem to care about.

Anyway, I'm so sorry this is so long, but I just cannot believe it, and I need support from you ladies. Like I said we really don't have anyone down here! What do you think we should do? I was thinking about emailing them about how we feel since if I call them I'll just start crying... Should we say something to them, or just leave it alone??? Thanks so much ladies. (I don't need this right now!)

AWE, Melissa!!!

Its really sad that some people dont feel the same tug at their heartstrings for family events, ESPECIALLY the birth of a child.
and it being a scheduled c-section should make it all the more convenient and easy for them to be there on time.

I think you should definately call them or contact them somehow and tell them how you feel. Because I think when they DO come a week later, you may have resentment built up, only adding to the emotional adjustment to motherhood. and having them there for a week or so, after this anger and resentment may build up, wont be a happy place for any of you, and you dont deserve that environment, having just come home from the hospital, recuperating from major surgery and adjusting to caring for this precious new baby.

Did they decide this maybe to give you your own space? and not feel like an intrusion as soon as you come home from the hospital?
My MIL has already offered me a week 'any time I need it' Because she knows that with hubby taking off, and my mom also around, that I wont need everyone all at once. So maybe they are trying to respect your privacy? BUT on the other hand I totally dont understand, as you said, how they wouldnt want to be there for the birth of their son's first child
Im not sure about what type of people they are in general or if this type of behavior is the norm for them, because I know of people that were in similar situations to you. The new daddy-to-be called the new grandma-to-be (and all of his siblings-and they were only half hour away!!!!!) and told them 'it was pushing time' and they can start heading over to the hospital if they wanted, and they said 'thats ok, just call us and tell us if it was a boy or girl!' Of course he was crushed deep inside. Many of us were upon hearing that. Thank goodness there were about 20 of us waiting around the hospital ALL DAY (all from the mommy's side:friends/family).
Sorry to ramble, but just wanted to relate somehow to your situation.

Try not to stress over it. Write them an email or call them and tell them your true feelings. Do you get along well with them otherwise?
It seems that you do care, otherwise it wouldnt hurt you that much

I really hope you all come to a happy agreement. Keep us posted

I think you should just call & tell them the truth. Tell them that your husband is upset that theu won't be here. And that he would like nothing better but for them to be there on THE day!! See what they say. Good Luck!!!

Melissa-

What can I say? I can totally relate. My in-laws haven't been up in the five years that we have lived here and I doubt most will come even to visit with the baby coming. It is sad, and I know it. I am did decide to have one shower and now that is messed up for things that I can't even get in to but it has to deal with an event cancelled and moved to the same weekend my shower was suppose to be. I don't even know what is going to happen now, but apparently it wasn't a big deal!

You could call them and be honest. I know it is a lot harder that said and done. I have never done it, but they may be changing in the near future!

you have FM melissa