Late RSVP advice needed

kacu2 Posted: Jul 10, 2007 08:56 AM

Late RSVP advice needed

OK, let's make this as short.as possible Our RSVP deadline was July 1st, we're getting married July 29. Of 60 invitations sent, we had 5 no responses-of them, 2 were my future mother-in-laws friends, and the other 3 were old friends of mine. From the very beginning I said I was not going to call the no responses. His mother decided to call her 2 friends on her side that did not respond, of which she notified me of one last week (after the deadline), to which I said OK. Now, over the weekend, I started giving vendors my final numbers, doing the seating charts, etc. and yesterday she wants to add 2 more people (the other no response that she had on her side). My family politely declined saying that it was too late, the deadline was July 1st.

My fiance's mom is now ranting and raging saying how unreasonable this is, and that she's going to just go to the reception hall and pay for the additional 2 guests. She says its unreasonable that we 'uninvite' her guests. I say that we are not 'uninviting', just that it's too late and that the same would be true if any of my friends that are no responders were to say that they would like to attend--just a polite 'sorry, it's too late, we are glad that you want to attend'.

As a side note, my family (and my fiance and I) is paying for everything. His family has contributed nothing financially or otherwise. Although, his Mom did offer to pay for my bouquet (not all the flowers), but then she wanted to have control over what it looked like. It's been hard to get them to even plan the rehearsal dinner to which they are inviting all of their family and have snubbed mine.

OK, so, what do you all think. Am I being unreasonable in saying 'NO' to this additional 2 people? I feel like my fiance's mom is dictating to me, when she has not right to and has not been even remotely involved in this entire planning process. I'd love to know what others think. Thanks!

Maybride07 Posted: Jul 10, 2007 09:10 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

Honestly I think you should include them. You invited them and its not like its the day before or even the week of. JMO

mbm698 Posted: Jul 10, 2007 09:14 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

I understand your frustration with your FMIL. These two additional people were originally invited to the wedding, but didn't RSVP on time right? I agree that its rude not to respond timely, but is two additional people really going to screw up all the seating charts etc... Is it worth the hysteria with the FMIL? I'd say let them come and move on from here. Its not worth the heartache. You should be enjoying the craziness of the final weeks before your wedding, not be annoyed. Good luck!

rkl1130 Posted: Jul 10, 2007 09:15 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

In my opinion, I think you should include them. They were invited and they do want to go and it's not too late to add them.

TreAnt425 Posted: Jul 10, 2007 09:17 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

Posted by Maybride07

Honestly I think you should include them. You invited them and its not like its the day before or even the week of. JMO

I agree - we called all the people who did not respond to see if they were coming. It stinks, but it's something you have to do.

mandc722 Posted: Jul 10, 2007 09:20 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

I know how you feel, my MIL butted in when it wasn't her business and really stressed me out at times before my wedding- and she wasn't contributing financially to the wedding either. What I had to remind myself of several times was that I loved her son, and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. That means that she is going to be in my life for a long time, and its best that we get along. Actually, I really love her, there are just some things that drove me nuts. My advice is just to give in to her request, because in the grand scheme of things, this probably won't be a big deal and you don't want to do permanent damage to your relationship with her.

We had a lot of people who did not respond as well. Believe it or not, some people are just too dumb to realize that they need to send in the response. We called all of our non-responders to get a definite answer from them. I think this is what you should do, because you don't want people just showing up to your wedding when you thought they weren't coming.

KSquared Posted: Jul 10, 2007 09:25 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

Posted by TreAnt425

Posted by Maybride07

Honestly I think you should include them. You invited them and its not like its the day before or even the week of. JMO

I agree - we called all the people who did not respond to see if they were coming. It stinks, but it's something you have to do.

I agree as well, these are invited guests, you should add them on. They may have just showed up without responded so just look at the positive, at least now you know they are coming ahead of time. It's also not their fault they were called and asked about it, and since they were called, you kind of have to include them.

KitWisdom Posted: Jul 10, 2007 09:31 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

I agree with what everyone else has said, though it doesn't seem like a pleasant situation...just be the better person and kill your FMIL with kindness!

luna bride x Posted: Jul 10, 2007 12:08 PM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

even though my pride would want to say no too bad.. it would probably be easier to just include them and shut the fmil up

Kara and Todd Posted: Jul 10, 2007 12:20 PM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

I think you need to carefully pick your battles with your inlaws. I'd just let them come at this point, rather than let it escalate as your FMIL is prepared to do.

How insanely rude of people to RSVP no and then change their minds. Why would you call the nos to see if they'll come anyway? Usually, they have a good reason not to come!

If it were me, I'd probably let them come... but I'm not going to make my minimum, so what do I know?! LOL

Lemons Posted: Jul 10, 2007 11:01 PM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

save yourself the headache and a possibly horrible relationship with your fmil and just invite the two....

jtgarsik Posted: Jul 11, 2007 01:04 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

i completely understand ur frustrations with ur FMIL, but i too think that the additional two people should be included. I had late responders but I made sure i called them all the week following the response deadline. If it's about money and she's offering to pay for the additional two people then let her, but they should be included.... it is sort of like 'un-inviting them' if u don't. sometimes rsvp-ing slips peoples mind(as annoying and ridiculous as that may sound!) - just think of it this way..... you'll be the bigger person by including them & avoid any more issues with FMIL, and you'll come out with more gift money lol (for real!) anyways, good luck!

diva7531 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 07:09 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

Posted by Maybride07

Honestly I think you should include them. You invited them and its not like its the day before or even the week of. JMO

I agree not worth fighting over.

Irishny8 Posted: Jul 11, 2007 08:05 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

How annoying!!! I can completely understand why you are so frustrated. BUT its probably better to just let those guests come and avoid an ugly not needed fight that could possibly leave bad tastes in everybody's mouths for a long time to come. Good Luck!

BoxOfRocks Posted: Jul 11, 2007 08:51 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

I agree with pps. Yes, it's annoying, but you should accept them.

MrsBolton Posted: Jul 11, 2007 11:05 AM

Re: Late RSVP advice needed

I guess i am the only one who is going to say this. But a deadline is a deadline. I have been reminding my family and his to send in the response cards before the deadline. That our wedding is by invitation only and i am really sticking to what i said. I'm Sorry if anyone gets upset but that is the way its going to be. They have to consider all the work and energy from the Bride and the planner that this wedding takes and i just think it ***** that people don't see the importance of RSVP. I am not calling anyone from both of our families once the deadline is passed. I will though call older family members because sometime things slip there minds and they are due that. But for everyone else no. That's just the way i feel.