Let me ask this straight out now . . .

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Posted by 12-3Princess

Thanks for the responses to my previous post!

Now let me ask this - Would you let a married guest at your wedding bring someone OTHER THAN his spouse?

For those who haven't read my previous post, FH and I find this appalling but really, are we overreacting?
I haven't said anything about it yet.

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absolutely not. did the invitation say Mr&Mrs? that would mean him and his REAL wife, not side cake. can you word the invitation so that there will be no mistaken he is not to bring his girlfriend? I appauled. For example, if you know he's not bringing his wife, can you word the invite without the '&guest'?

Depends, but I don't think FH would even allow it. One time one of his friends who has a girlfriend wanted to out on a double-date with us and this girl that he was seeing on the side, and FH was like no. He was like he doesn't want to be around that mess. FH gets really mad about people cheating so I definetly don't see that man and his mistress coming. Now, if it's just a friend then yes it would be fine with me.

Oh, I definetly wouldn't let the mistress come if you knew his wife.

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Posted by lillian771

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess
Would you let a married guest at your wedding bring someone OTHER THAN his spouse?

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Yes. It's none of my business. And on my wedding day, I will most likely be to busy to care.

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I agree completely.

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I agree too, as tacky distasteful and wrong it is what can I do about it. Its wrong but- thats mine and dh special day so if someone is doing something thats morally wrong and its not affecting me- what can I do.
Now would I adress the invitation to mr. whoever and ms. non spouse- no that I wouldn't do.

ETA if it was family- then maybe I would be able to say something and blast them.

wouldnt even care, personally

I didn't set a description by 'guest'

(example)
Guest = one singlar person, no one under the age of 21, if married - must be spouse

I said guest. If a guy brought someone other than his spouse and I didnt know, why would I care. If I did know it was his mistress than, what business is it of mine? If the wife does or doesnt know his man is stepping out than it's an issue of you telling her or not. If you want wife at you wedding as well as the man well then invite her. I mean don't you think she'd be offended if she wasn't invited? If you don't want him and his mistress and only want the wife, than say so.

Drama.. the art of life.

Crap happens, don't let it ruin your wedding day. You'll be so busy saying hi and such, why bother with resentment and petty differences. Hell I can't STAND my stepmonster but she came and I was able to deal with her in a civil way then I pretty much forgot about her the rest of the night.

My mom's ex husband (they were married before I was born) is comming to my wedding. My mom and him are very good friends now, they tlak on the phone but dont see eachother. His wife doesnt know they speak, he's one of those Italian Mafioso guys that has g/f's I swear he totaly reminds me of Tony Soprano. My mom & him are ONLY friends and he is bringing whoever is his g/f at the time to my wedding. I had to send my e-announcments & STD's to his mom's house in her name just so his wife wouldnt find out he & my mom are still freinds. So I think it's ok as long as you're not close w/the spouse who's not being brought to the wedding.

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess
Would you let a married guest at your wedding bring someone OTHER THAN his spouse?

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Yes. It's none of my business. And on my wedding day, I will most likely be to busy to care.

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yes, none of my business.

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Posted by nov.bride

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Posted by lillian771

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess
Would you let a married guest at your wedding bring someone OTHER THAN his spouse?

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Yes. It's none of my business. And on my wedding day, I will most likely be to busy to care.

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I agree completely.

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I agree too, as tacky distasteful and wrong it is what can I do about it. Its wrong but- thats mine and dh special day so if someone is doing something thats morally wrong and its not affecting me- what can I do.
Now would I adress the invitation to mr. whoever and ms. non spouse- no that I wouldn't do.

ETA if it was family- then maybe I would be able to say something and blast them.

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let me clarify: not only is it family, it is CLOSE family.

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Posted by JimmysBride

Especially if it's family - no way. Like if an uncle of mine was married and wanted to bring a mistress? No way. Completely inappropriate and your putting yourself in the middle of something you don't want to be in the middle of. It's appalling of him to even ask or put you in that position.

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That's EXACTLY how I feel.

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Posted by nylibride

If the person is still married (i.e., not separated for some period of time) then I think it is totally inappropriate for them to bring their girl/boyfriend. The person asking is being rude to do so and has totally lost perspective on the fact that they are going to your WEDDING. (you know, commitment, fidelity, love, honestly, etc...)

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nylibride said it all for me...100% agree. Hi, it's a wedding not a Christmas Party!

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Posted by 12-3Princess

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Posted by nov.bride

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Posted by lillian771

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess
Would you let a married guest at your wedding bring someone OTHER THAN his spouse?

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Yes. It's none of my business. And on my wedding day, I will most likely be to busy to care.

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I agree completely.

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I agree too, as tacky distasteful and wrong it is what can I do about it. Its wrong but- thats mine and dh special day so if someone is doing something thats morally wrong and its not affecting me- what can I do.
Now would I adress the invitation to mr. whoever and ms. non spouse- no that I wouldn't do.

ETA if it was family- then maybe I would be able to say something and blast them.

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let me clarify: not only is it family, it is
CLOSE family.

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If it was close and immediate family I would try to talk to the person who was being disrespectful before hand and try to make them aware that the entire family will be uncomfortable including the bride if they bring someone other than the spouse. I may ask them to come solo- if they were insistant about bringing the other person I would prob. reiterate the fact that this was my day and that the family would be a bit put out. If they brought this person to your wedding anyway I would not handle it until the wedding was over. DONOT LET ANYONE ruin your day.

MY own father who I was VERY close to was not @ my wedding b/c of his neauveau rich but trifiling girlfriend making big trouble @ my shower and my wedding day went off w/o a hitch. I out it out of my mind and appreciated what I had. As hard as it is you can only choose your friends not your family.
Whatever happens vow to yourself that you will enjoy your day and deal with drama later.

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Posted by jenniesunshine

Feck no! I think it's awful that the guy would even ask to bring this girl (I read your other post) and, for me, I just wouldn't want to be involved in the whole situation. Having the mistress at your wedding IMO is almost like condoning it, you know?

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I disagree, I dont think bringing the 'other' is condoning it- they are going to do it anyway whether it a wedding or christening to a birthday party. Just b/c someone does something doesnt mean we condone it or agree. Really its none of our business even if its CLOSE family. No body knows what happens behind closed doors than the 2 that live behind it. Again dont judge. Do I agree? Absolutely NOT but Im not going to stop someone from being happy even if its my wedding and you know what if this person is bringing the 'other' to a wedding where FAMILY is - this person must be pretty special to expose them like that!!

Im also reading a lot of ' my day' yes its our wedding day but that shouldnt make us selfish!!! I think for guest its to celebrate not to worry about -'its our day.' I think thats really more for a BP not the guests to worry about.

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Posted by 12-3Princess

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Posted by nov.bride

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Posted by lillian771

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess
Would you let a married guest at your wedding bring someone OTHER THAN his spouse?

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Yes. It's none of my business. And on my wedding day, I will most likely be to busy to care.

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I agree completely.

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I agree too, as tacky distasteful and wrong it is what can I do about it. Its wrong but- thats mine and dh special day so if someone is doing something thats morally wrong and its not affecting me- what can I do.
Now would I adress the invitation to mr. whoever and ms. non spouse- no that I wouldn't do.

ETA if it was family- then maybe I would be able to say something and blast them.

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let me clarify: not only is it family, it is CLOSE family.

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Again, still don't care. Not my business.

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess

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Posted by nov.bride

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Posted by lillian771

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by 12-3Princess
Would you let a married guest at your wedding bring someone OTHER THAN his spouse?

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Yes. It's none of my business. And on my wedding day, I will most likely be to busy to care.

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I agree completely.

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I agree too, as tacky distasteful and wrong it is what can I do about it. Its wrong but- thats mine and dh special day so if someone is doing something thats morally wrong and its not affecting me- what can I do.
Now would I adress the invitation to mr. whoever and ms. non spouse- no that I wouldn't do.

ETA if it was family- then maybe I would be able to say something and blast them.

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let me clarify: not only is it family, it is CLOSE family.

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Again, still don't care. Not my business.

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Well, seeing as how you've said that you've been the girl a married man is cheating with, I can see how you would have a difference of opinion.
I personally don't agree with it, and I'm glad I'm not being totally unreasonable because it seems like quite a few people on here would feel the same way.
Differences of opinion are OK though. They make the world go round.

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Posted by 12-3Princess

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Posted by CubanBride

Again, still don't care. Not my business.

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Well, seeing as how you've said that you've been the girl a married man is cheating with, I can see how you would have a difference of opinion.

I personally don't agree with it, and I'm glad I'm not being totally unreasonable because it seems like quite a few people on here would feel the same way.

Differences of opinion are OK though. They make the world go round.

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That really doesn't have anything to do with it. It's simply that I could never bring myself to care what others do in their life unless it affects me directly. I would never tell others what to do unless they ask my opinion. Like if a close friend was cheating on her husband, I would never open my mouth. Why? Because it's not my business. I don't feel its my job to steer anyone in any direction, even the one I feel is right. What is right for me is not right for everyone. Who am I to tell someone else how to live their life?

Now, if my mother and father were married and my father brought someone else to my wedding, that is a totally different story. But other than that, I just don't care.

However, I do not think you are being unreasonable. You feel it's wrong and you do what you feel is right and makes you comfortable.