For the last year, my fiance and I have been wondering about some stuff. Well, mostly I've been. We've been going out for 8.5 years. That right there just makes things harder for me to have patience with a lot of things. We're both 24, we've been living together for almost 3 years, we have a dog, ferrets, etc. We have a family type thing going on. Anyway, as it gets closer to the wedding, and as we get older, I want and need things so much more. I know right now financially, we're not doing good at all. But putting that aside, saying that money is fine, there are things we need and want, but we don't know what we should do. I'm just going to say that what I really want is a baby. I know, everyone thinks I'm too young, or I'm still young you have plenty of time for that. Well, I want to be a young mom. I would really love to get pregnant right before the wedding or right after. If money is not an issue of course. My fiance says when we can afford it. Well, if we wait for that, we'll never be able too. Anyway, that's not the only thing bothering me. He also says we need new cars first, and a house. I know he's being logical, but I don't see that happening for a while. We don't make the money that most people make, I don't want to wait that long. Right now we live in an apartment. We're so sick of living in apartments. We're paying as much as we would pay for a house. What should we do? See what money we get from the wedding, (I'm not expecting that much, but you never know), and then maybe buy a house? I see a lot of people on this board are now buying houses before they get married. I believe a lot of you are older than us, and probably financially more stable. I just get upset because, we've been together so long, we deserve a house, and nice cars, a family, well, we all deserve that. I get so jealous when I read the Newlyweds board, or even this one sometimes. Someone mentioned they're looking to buy a house in the $400K range. OH MY GOD!!! We'll be lucky if we can afford a $140 house. Is it just us? Are we doing that bad? Should we already be in the process of buying a house, driving new cars, etc. We're having such a hard time with life right now, maybe not by then, but how does everyone do it? We'd like to buy a house right after the wedding, but we could use newer cars, and I'd like to start a family soon. There's so much to worry about. My fiance says not to worry so much, but I have to. It's our future, you need some kind of plan, right? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry for writing so much, I just needed to vent. Thanks!
I think most of us can relate to our clock ticking...its part of biology and all animals have that feeling to procreate...I wanted to make a couple of points..
you say you cannot afford school? how will you be able to afford a baby? A baby takes a lot of work and a lot of money. You can leave a dog at home...you cannot leave a baby at home.
you say you cannot afford a loan? This is what a loan is for. Most people take out loans for school. You get TEN YEARS to pay back a school loan, then don't make you start paying until 6 months after you graduate and if you ever have problems they offer you grace periods...At 27 it was hard for me to go back to school, I could not imagine going back while having a baby. Whe people say do it while you are young...they are speaking from experience. My first masters was not a problem...this one is harder for me...
Every community college offers 2 year degrees...for an excellent price and you can get loans...go to the financial aid office...get an associates in graphic design...that is an up and coming field...
As for being able to afford thing...it will happen in time...this would have NEVER been the case when I was 24, but now FH have just bought a new car, have our down payment, just trying to decide where to buy and could if we wanted to think about a family...we are just not ready and will not be until at least 30...
don't worry about being a young mother... my parents were older when they had me and they were not less parents to me...my father acted like he was a id and ran around and rode roller coasters at 50 years old...age is a state of mind...money is not. My father is now retired and when I do have children he will be able to spend a lot of time with them...
I talked to my GYN about having kids after 30...she laughed at me and said if you are healthy there are no problems...she had her first at 36.
This is a decision you can't take back...think very carefully...work out a budget...and PLEASE do not make the decision without your FH agreeing...that will only lead to much bigger problems...
good luck..
LaurenS
Posted:
Member since
Life questions... Priorities, Priorities! LONG
I am also 24 and to be very honest, I am not having any of the same feelings as you are. My FI is also 24 and we have been together now for almost 6 years. He is in grad school now, and although we felt the time is right to get married, we definitely don`t feel the time is right for us to start a family. We are so much enjoying being young and doing things together. We also feel that it is important to have our 'feet on the ground' first. Basically that means David graduating from Med school and finishing his residency and for me to have established myself in my career. This may mean that we will not have children for 5 years. But when we do have children we will be more mature and financially stable to enjoy and provide the best for them. I also am very impatient and want immediate gratification. But, please take the good advice of the ladies on the board. It is more important for you to get your self grounded. My sister put off having children in order to finish her Ph.D. She ended up having her first at 31(and was married already for 7 years) and I would never classify her as an old mother. She appreciates the wisdom she has and cherishes the time that she and her husband had before children. Whatever you decide, good luck, but please put some serious thought into your decisions.
Kris
Posted:
Member since
Life questions... LONG
Melissa-
First of all, let me say I am sorry for your bad situation.
But let me ask you this... what are you doing to make things better? I see that you spend a lot of time worrying and thinking of your wedding. You post here almost every day, if not more. Are you spending any time looking for work? Have you tried temping? What about volunteering? These things can network you and help you get a permanent job. I think you have become consumed with feeling sorry for yourself, and are starting to feel comfortable with it. You complain about not having a job, or any of the material things in life that you want. I think you need to re-think what is important to you. Do you want to be married to your FH, or do you want what everyone else has? If being married and having a family is so important to you, then you need to prioritize. Also, you are only 24. Not too many people in the world are living like kings at 24. I am still living at home with my mom to save money, and I am 26. Kudos to you for living on your own! That is brave!
As for having a baby...You are both unemployed. How can you expect to support a child??? I am sorry to be harsh, but I think you have spent enough time feeling sorry for yourself. Be happy with your future husband. Enjoy what you have, think less of what everyone else has. You need to do what you can to make your life better, and worry less about the Joneses.
