Brides Helping Brides ™ - Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

johnsae Posted: Apr 17, 2006 09:23 AM

Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

I should have known she was going to pull something like this - she is really disorganized and high-strung.

Well, last night I got this email from her. The subject is, 'panicked'. She says that she just found out that two of her finals for Grad School are on the Monday after my wedding. She thinks she may have to leave the rehearsal dinner early on Friday night (or not come at all) so she can study. Also, she asked if she could just meet the bridal party at Capitale before the ceremony and 'skip' getting ready with us (the entire bridal party is taking pics around Manhattan for 3 hours before the ceremony, so she is saying she wouldn't be in the pics).

Am I wrong to be COMPLETELY PISSED OFF??? How dare her spring this **** on me two weeks before my wedding. She has time to figure out how she is going to get this done - she's known about my wedding for a year and a half!! I just can't even believe her. It is her responsibility as a bridesmaid to BE THERE on my wedding day - the WHOLE Day!!

What should I tell her???

angnick Posted: Apr 17, 2006 09:25 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

OH BOY, i would be PISSED.. Tell her to study the night before the rehearsal dinner and to try and study after the rehearsal.

Then, maybe say something like 'do whatever you think is the right thing to do'
Hint to her, that you only get married once and this is your day.. stuff like that.

That would steam me up for sure.. GRRR

ChrissynRicky Posted: Apr 17, 2006 09:27 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

You have every right to be p1ssed. She knew well in advance when her finals were, and had the choice to not be in the bridal party or even let you know sooner.

ewickens Posted: Apr 17, 2006 09:28 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

I would let her study after the rehearsal - try to make it an early night - even you will need your beauty rest.

As for the day of - tell her that she made a committment and promise to you and your bridal party & family that she would be there for you on your day - and you expect her there for photos - if she drones on and on - then tell her that she doesn't need to be in the wedding and can attend as a guest if she can find the time!

MrsStefan Posted: Apr 17, 2006 09:29 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

I would be totally pissed!! I don't think you should give her to option of missing your pictures. She agreed to be in your wedding and that means ALL ASPECTS of it! I understand that finals and all that is stressful, but she shouldn't have agreed to be in your wedding if she couldnt committ to it. I say, tell her 'you still have 2 weeks till your finals. Study now so that you can be prepared for your exams AND still do everything you agreed to do in my wedding'. Thats such CRAP!

Katie&Chris2006 Posted: Apr 17, 2006 09:52 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Posted by MrsStefan

I would be totally pissed!! I don't think you should give her to option of missing your pictures. She agreed to be in your wedding and that means ALL ASPECTS of it! I understand that finals and all that is stressful, but she shouldn't have agreed to be in your wedding if she couldnt committ to it. I say, tell her 'you still have 2 weeks till your finals. Study now so that you can be prepared for your exams AND still do everything you agreed to do in my wedding'. Thats such CRAP!

I totally agree. Even if she didn't know the specific dates of her finals she knew the potential of that time of year being a tough one with school. If she didn't think she'd be able to handle the studying she potentially would have to do, she should not have agreed to be in the wedding. I would tell her to study the next two weeks and that she made a commitment to you to be in your wedding and that means the rehearsal and ALL DAY the day of the wedding. Sorry you are having to deal with this, btw.

MrsR72806 Posted: Apr 17, 2006 09:56 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Posted by ewickens

I would let her study after the rehearsal - try to make it an early night - even you will need your beauty rest.

As for the day of - tell her that she made a commitment and promise to you and your bridal party & family that she would be there for you on your day - and you expect her there for photos - if she drones on and on - then tell her that she doesn't need to be in the wedding and can attend as a guest if she can find the time!

I agree! Tell her that day of, she has to be with you and your family! She made a commitment and should keep it! If not then she can attend as a guest.

JessicaM. Posted: Apr 17, 2006 10:00 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

I am usually pretty understanding, but this is the whole 'responsibility' part of being in a wedding.

there is still time to cancel her bouquet. she can choose to be irresponsible with her school work on her own time, not time she promised to give to you

FireBride2006 Posted: Apr 17, 2006 10:01 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

OMG I would be pissed! Tell her she should have been studying all along not cramming at the last minute! Tell her that if she can't find the time for you to drop out now so you have a few days to adjust and have her just come as a guest.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Apr 17, 2006 10:05 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

I agree with betsy. Don't give her a hard time about leaving the RD early, but tell her how disappointed you will be if she doesn't get ready with you the morning of.
Its possible that when you asked her she didn't think about finals because she was sooo excited to be in your BP. Its disappointing, but I don't know if I would be pi$$ed.
Let her know that you really want her to be there, it wouldn't be the same without her. Maybe its possible her professors will let her take her finals early?

SuzBride Posted: Apr 17, 2006 10:06 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

It isn't like she just found out about her finals. If I was her I would be studying every night and this weekend so that I would be prepared before the wedding.

PrincessConsuela Posted: Apr 17, 2006 10:06 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

just got this in an email it pertains to the subject.

'Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.'

let her do what she wants. think about yourself. if she is not in the pictures then whos fault is that. not yours. you have other things to worry over with your wedding being so close.

scorps1027 Posted: Apr 17, 2006 10:38 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

i have had somthing similar happen with one of my bm's. she told me 2-3 weeks ago that she has to miss the shower b/c she has some exam for school that day. i'm thinking, you guys picked the date based on your schedules?? whyd dint' you check thoroughly before whether you had a scheduled exam that day! she says she has a lot going on with work, school & her own wedding in august and i'm wondering why did u want to be in my mine then? the worst part is she hasnt' really helped me do anything from day one and for her wedding i have helped her tons so far.

my whole take is if you know you are going to be in a bridal party, coordinate your schedules accordingly otherwise dont' sign up to be in one. i feel she MUST take the pics with the rest of hte bridal party before the wedding. that is so wrong not to!

bournebride Posted: Apr 17, 2006 10:38 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Posted by ewickens

I would let her study after the rehearsal - try to make it an early night - even you will need your beauty rest.

As for the day of - tell her that she made a committment and promise to you and your bridal party & family that she would be there for you on your day - and you expect her there for photos - if she drones on and on - then tell her that she doesn't need to be in the wedding and can attend as a guest if she can find the time!

I agree with this!!!

DUCKS2001 Posted: Apr 17, 2006 11:01 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

i would tell her she does not have to attend the rehearsal and dinner,....

i would also tell her that she then can be with you for pictures and you mean alot to her and want her in them.. tell her she can leave hall earlier if she feels she needs to

does that help?

smurray Posted: Apr 17, 2006 11:05 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Posted by ChrissynRicky

You have every right to be p1ssed. She knew well in advance when her finals were, and had the choice to not be in the bridal party or even let you know sooner.

I agree. I'm pissed for you. The rehersal dinner is one thing, but to not be in the pics is just crazy. W T F Is Wrong With These People!!!
May be she should just leave the reception early. trhat way everything is all said, and done and she can study after

Mrs. Powell Posted: Apr 17, 2006 11:08 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Posted by DUCKS2001

i would tell her she does not have to attend the rehearsal and dinner,....

i would also tell her that she then can be with you for pictures and you mean alot to her and want her in them.. tell her she can leave hall earlier if she feels she needs to

does that help?

I agree.

petunia77 Posted: Apr 18, 2006 10:52 PM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

tell her to start studying NOW!

lipglossjunky73 Posted: Apr 18, 2006 11:01 PM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Ummm - if I can go to grad school and work 3 jobs AND plan a wedding (mind you - classes will be in session when I get married, and it will probably be finals time) your BM can spend the time she should with you and the rest of the party - thats such BS!

Soon2bMrsERH Posted: Apr 18, 2006 11:06 PM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

That is BS. Okay, if she needs to leave the RD a little early, fine! But the day of no way, that is your day and you need to tell her she has to be there. You didn't spring this whole wedding thing up on her. Shes known. Sh** I would be pissed. It pissed me off to hear one of my BM's (inparticular) b*tch about it being so much money ($150)....but you have it even worse. How dare her!