Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Original post by johnsae

Apr 17, 2006 09:23 AM

I should have known she was going to pull something like this - she is really disorganized and high-strung.

Well, last night I got this email from her. The subject is, 'panicked'. She says that she just found out that two of her finals for Grad School are on the Monday after my wedding. She thinks she may have to leave the rehearsal dinner early on Friday night (or not come at all) so she can study. Also, she asked if she could just meet the bridal party at Capitale before the ceremony and 'skip' getting ready with us (the entire bridal party is taking pics around Manhattan for 3 hours before the ceremony, so she is saying she wouldn't be in the pics).

Am I wrong to be COMPLETELY PISSED OFF??? How dare her spring this **** on me two weeks before my wedding. She has time to figure out how she is going to get this done - she's known about my wedding for a year and a half!! I just can't even believe her. It is her responsibility as a bridesmaid to BE THERE on my wedding day - the WHOLE Day!!

What should I tell her???

csui25 Posted: Apr 18, 2006 11:09 PM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

I would be PISSEEEEEDDDDDD. Your wedding is a once in a lifetime event and it's not fair for her to spring this kind of crap on you at the last minute. I would be too steamed to talk to her right now.

clarity Posted: Apr 18, 2006 11:21 PM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

what is she in grad school for

sr081906 Posted: Apr 19, 2006 07:58 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Apparently, she is a bit disorganized when it comes to studying and time management. Although, I do understand that you 'rightly so' pissed off, she is probably panicking indeed. Especially if she is a procrastinator.

So, I would talk to her and 'bargain'. She can skip the RD all together and use the time to study (and promise you that!) but she must dedicate herself to your day for the photos, etc....

If not, I would write her out.

pebbles Posted: Apr 19, 2006 08:13 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

I went through the same thing except one of my bridesmaids that came in from CA pulled the I cant get ready with you at your moms on me the day before the wedding and I was in tears and just horrified as I told her over and over what I needed her to do but she screwed me, so she met us at the church took a few pictures then after the ceremony we were all going to take pictures and she said she couldn't go with us in the limo because she did not feed her daughter breakfast and she was hungry her kid was my flower girl, so she said I will meet you at the hall. I just had to let it go it was not worth it and in the long run she was the idiot that spent a ton of money on a dress and was in hardly any pics, even though it is disappointing please do not stress and do not let it ruin your day. In the end you can only tell her how upset you are but do not force her to do anything, its her loss not yours

CTarantino Posted: Apr 19, 2006 08:44 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

I agree with you and eveyone on here, that is so wrong and I would be so UPSET with her.
I also find it so funny that she has the nerve to EMAIL you instead of calling since she KNOWS she is wrong.
Send her this thread, maybe she will see she is in the wrong. If not I think the 'You have to do what you have to do' comment is great. Hopefully she will come around, I have major stuff too for grad school but I don't cancel my wedding on them. She commited to be there for you now she is changing her mind. Sorry but that upsets me. I hope she sees she is wrong. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kase21 Posted: Apr 19, 2006 09:15 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Ok I know I'm in the minority, but generally the final exam schedule is set after the semester begins and closer to when the finals are held.

I completely understand her needing to study and while you can be upset, also understand that she has other things going on in her life - and IMHO college trumps a wedding anyday.

I would suggest she attend the Rehearsal and maybe skip the dinner to go and study. In relation to the pics before the ceremony - I agree she needs to be there for the pics, but maybe she can do some reading during the down time of the picture session - she won't be in all the pictures...

At least she's still in the wedding, she could have pulled out altogether and completely screwed you over.

I know this won't be the popular opinion, but try to work with her...

autumnwedding Posted: Apr 19, 2006 11:05 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Ok here are my thoughts on this one. Her tests are on Monday. This leaves her with all day Friday and all day Sunday to study, correct? (We've all had finals and at some point you either know your s**t or you don't). I think her emailing you this information is what would get me p'd. But, anyway, maybe it's a blessing in disguise - they say you find out who your true friends are during this process. If she can't take a few hrs out on Fri night and be with you on Saturday then let that be on her conscience. You're going to be there with your closest friends, making memories that'll last a lifetime.. let her choose if she wants to be a part of that or not. It's on her.. not you. You enjoy your day and surround yourself with people who make sacrifices for you... like real friends do.

M&S Sept12006 Posted: Apr 19, 2006 11:12 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Who the heck studies these days anyway????? Tell her to cram Sunday night!

serendipity0680 Posted: Apr 19, 2006 11:21 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

I would be pissed!

johnsae Posted: Apr 19, 2006 11:21 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Posted by M&S Sept12006

Who the heck studies these days anyway????? Tell her to cram Sunday night!

exactly. she is the most disorganized person in the world. she has two weeks to study, and she still prob won't figure out how to ration her time...

waterspout4 Posted: Apr 19, 2006 11:57 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

As someone that went throguh **** with my BM, I say tell her not to come to the rehearsal, but that she must be there the whole wedding day.

2 of my BM dropped out within weeks of my wedding and another 2 couldn't make the rehearsal. Everything ran smoothly. The wedding day is YOUR day, but the rehearsal is not that big of a deal.

chloeme2 Posted: Apr 19, 2006 11:29 PM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Posted by DUCKS2001

i would tell her she does not have to attend the rehearsal and dinner,....

i would also tell her that she then can be with you for pictures and you mean alot to her and want her in them.. tell her she can leave hall earlier if she feels she needs to

does that help?

Maybe that would work better

Tria1110 Posted: Apr 19, 2006 11:34 PM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

If it were a good friend of mine I would try to give her the benefit of the doubt. She probably is very stressed about school and her commitment to you. She's venting to you and that might not have been the best thing to do.

I would probably suggest she come to the rehearsal, skip the dinner and express how important it is to you that she be there with you on your big day.

Bigbroad555 Posted: Apr 20, 2006 12:01 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Your better then me I would of todl her don't bother coming...

espresso Posted: Apr 20, 2006 12:11 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

Posted by kase21

Ok I know I'm in the minority, but generally the final exam schedule is set after the semester begins and closer to when the finals are held.

I completely understand her needing to study and while you can be upset, also understand that she has other things going on in her life - and IMHO college trumps a wedding anyday.

I would suggest she attend the Rehearsal and maybe skip the dinner to go and study. In relation to the pics before the ceremony - I agree she needs to be there for the pics, but maybe she can do some reading during the down time of the picture session - she won't be in all the pictures...

At least she's still in the wedding, she could have pulled out altogether and completely screwed you over.

I know this won't be the popular opinion, but try to work with her...

actually, i agree with you. i'm in law school now and I would find it really hard to manage 2 finals on a day (although there is no such thing in my law school). its possible that she didnt know her finals schedule when she said yes. and taking a day off from studying is really hard. Unless its a not very stressful degree, some masters are easier than others.

We're def in the minority, but I also think grad school trumps wedding stuff. I can see why you're upset, but i also suggest trying to see it from her point of view and try to work things out. has she been there for you otherwise?

Hope it works out!

LoveBug1124 Posted: Apr 20, 2006 09:11 AM

Re: Listen to what my bridesmaid wrote to me in an email last night...

You have every right to be upset, she has known since the begining of the semester what time frame her finals were in, but to wait to tell you is not cool. Tell her how you feel, you understand she needs to study but it's one day!