Living at home after a certain age

yes, it definitely depends on culture. in our culture, it's expected that after you get maried, you move in with your husband and his family. not true for everyone in our culture, but for some. so that's what we're doing .. we both want to move out, but there's just something cozy about living at home. his parents aren't too crazy about the idea of us moving out either .. so we'll see. we sure as hell are saving a LOT of money though!!

edited to say: Dh and i both agreed that we want our kids to go away for college and enjoy living life on their own. we don't want them living with us after they're 22!

I personally agree that expierencing independence is important -

Certain cultures and traditions definitely play a role - My mom has told me straight out that I am not moving out until I am getting married.

As much as I want to - I am respecting my mom's wishes and benefiting from it at the same time. I will be 25 by the time I get married -and although I dont pay rent or food- i do pay for everything else on my own - insurance, gas, clothes, and gorceries. I have proven to myself that I am aware of the difficulties of life.

It totally depends on the person though -

My brother is 26 and is living at home. I feel like he doesnt realize how lucky he is to not have to pay for rent or food. He takes it for granted that my mom is so generous. Sometimes i just tell her that he needs to start paying rent - she just laughs - It is not that my brother doesnt work hard - I just think that when he does move out - it will be shock for him - no more mom to clean his clothes and cook for him.

i agree with you to a point. i know of many people whome are close to that age and still live at home because the the ridiculous prices of rent.

for instance dh and I live in a n apartment below his mom. not because we want to free load, but because of paying off our student loans, car payment etc we can't afford the ridiculous rent on what we make.

I am 27 and FH is 26 (turning 27 in Jan.) and we both live with our parents. FH lives home because his dad is permanently disabled and his mom needs FH's assistance around the house. I live at home because I am VERY uncomfortable being alone in house or apt (including the house I live in now, my home since birth). I have always had trouble sleeping alone in a house, dorm room, hotel room, etc. I would have gotten a place with my old college roommate but she got engaged and married right after college. My best friend got married right away as well. And I don't want to live with a complete stranger as a roommate.

Mom and Dad like having me around. I do some chores here too. Overall, this is the right thing for FH and me. I know other friends who wanted to get out on their own no matter what the cost. I prefer people around me. I think mooching off of parents is wrong, but as it has been said a few times in this thread and I have said it as well, why pay money to live in someone else's basement when you can live in your parents' basement for a lot less.

My sis, one brother and I, got married and moved out by ages 24, 26, 28. My other brother is now 30 and getting married next year. Just before he got engaged I said to my mom 'KICK HIM OUT ' MOre to get his butt to propose than anything else and she was like ' NO WAY! Why should I ? Thats my son !! '

My parents are old-school Italian (though 'Americanized' and open minded in MANY ways)...

My mom would rather see us save money for our futures and be 'under their roof' until we get married.

If my brother wasnt in a relationship and on the verge of getting married, he would have DEFINATELY been moving our, or would have moved out by now. I know several more 'modern' italian families where the kids moved out much before they got married and didnt have a dime in the bank when they got married.

My parents just dont see the purpose of making a child move out or even pay rent.

I do have to say that we (my siblings and I) have always been extremely helpful to my parents in any possible way.
Right now my brothers (both the married one, and mostly the one living at home) are pretty much landlords to the 2nd (6family) home my parents own in Queens. He oversees everything going on (which is ALOT, the landlords out there KNOW!) and never takes a dime from my parents. my mom constantly offers him money for what he does and he doesnt take a dime.

I do have to say that my future SIL is going to have a tough time competing with my moms hot-home-cooked meals ready every evening
She works full time and I wouldnt expect her to even think about competing with mom, but my brother has been very spoiled in that way (Heck, we all were ).

I really dont regret one bit living at home till I was 26. I plan to offer the same to my children.

I would LOVE to move out of my mothers house, but with saving for the wedding, ect, its just not an option. I do pay her rent, as well as pay for everything I have (car, clothes, insurance, student loans, ect), so its not like I am getting a free ride. My mom is cool about it though, when FH comes to stay with me (he lives in PA) we dont have to stay in seperate rooms like we did at his parents house!! (Needless to say, he has an apartment now). It does not make sense for us to both be paying rent on an apartment that we are not sharing, we will be spending even more money and not saving. I really would like to wait until after the wedding until we move in together, as well as the fact that I need to make NY salary before the wedding, so if I move to PA now, it will put me in an even worse situation.

I like how I wrote 'letting a child' when we were grown adults still living at home

Anyway, I wanted to add that we paid our own 'everything' while we lived at home, once we started working at age 14, we pretty much bought our own clothes, shoes,etc. movies, eating out with friends, etc. etc.

We threw my parents a surprise 25th anniv when I was only 20yrs old, and we paid for it amongst the 4 of us. (and then, more recently had a 60th and 65th each for them).
So I hope to beleive that we were fair, respectful and didnt take advantage.

My stepmother was always very jealous of me.
We NEVER got allowance, period.

When I turned 14 I worked part time at a flower shop, cleaning up and such for a few extra bucks. Later at 16 I immediately started to work. I started apply for jobs 6months before my birthday! I worked at McDonald’s for two years.

In our house, I had to give up 10-25% of my paycheck back to the house because I “ate their food, used their light and ran their water” I’d ALWAYS complain. I was never home. I was really involved in High School activities and work kept up the rest of the time. Still I paid my ‘due’. I thought maybe they’d put it aside for college or something nice for graduation. Nope.. NOTHING.

After the humiliation of college (another story), I came home. I was told I need to pay half of their rent, have dinner cooked and waiting when she got home, do my laundry, clean the house and baby sit the children. I worked twice as far from the house as my mom. One day I just never came home. A month later my Dad bought me a car and a bed. I lived off a sleeping bag in my own first apt for a full month. Could have cared less, it was MINE.

I made the mistake of moving home later after my first engagement fell apart. This time I had to pay the FULL rent of the house and wasn’t allowed in the house until 10pm and was supposed to be out by 7am. I blew up on that one. After a few months I ended up sleeping in my car under a street lamp for a month.

Im very proud of the crap I stood up for. Im proud I never let in to that wench of a woman. She never did beat me down or break me. All this happened before I was 22. I see people live at home and say “we pay our credit card bills, so we understand” and I wonder if they’ve ever had to pay for gas with the light money and buy bread with the rent money while hoping the car payment doesn’t hit before the phone check does.

I think living on your own is important, but I also agree I am very bias to that. My cultural background is different and NY is a tough place to say “screw you mom, Im outta here”.


DISCLAIMER:
No offense to anyone. I hope those who do live at home appreciate their parents daily. It's a major help!

Oh and to add to that:

To this very day at the age of 28 my mom (stepmother) is not allowed to cross the threshhold of my home.

She is not 'welcome'.

She knows this. Last time she tried I was engaged to a different guy at the time. He thought it'd be nice to 'make amends' for me.

wrong.

I turned around saw my mom two steps into my house, I grab a broom and ran at her. She stepped out fast enough. I still dare her to walk into my home. College Dorm room, crappy apt, I dont care. She is not welcome.

Just can't WAIT for the wedding.. whooohoo!
*rolls her eyes*

My father says Im too strict when I set 'rules' I don't have a lot of them. But those I do, I stick to. That monster had her fun when I was too young to defend myself and legally had no recourse (although I did her a criminal record). These days. I'm bigger, stronger, smarter and really not eager to forget & forgive.

I was absolutely 100% ready and willing to move out at 23. But my grandmother (who lived with us) became ill and started the early stages of dementia. So I stayed home to help take care of her. Yes, I could have been living it up and enjoying my young single life, but I chose instead to stay where I was needed most.

As the years went by, I began feeling very trapped. I realized I was getting older and needed and wanted to be on my own but the older grandma got, the more help she needed, and the more I was needed there. So I stayed some more.

She passed away when I was 31. She was in her own bed with me right with her, holding her hand.

I began my mission to move out after that. I met my DH two months after grandma passed away. I started to seriously look for an apartment, but he told me it would be a little 'premature' to get a place on my own, and to wait a little longer. Little did I know he was planning to propose. Naturally, I had some kind of clue or I wouldn't have listened to him. So I stayed again.

We got married in June 03. I was 33. I'm STILL waiting to move in with DH because the G-damn house is STILL not ready. So here I am at 34, still living at home.

I'm sure from the outside, people could look at me, see I'm still at home and pass a fast judgement. Maybe they think I'm a 'loser,' or 'mooching' off my parents. Or have something 'wrong' with me. Quite the opposite, I have often been the source of stability and support in this family. My choice to stay at home was not a selfish one, but rather a self-LESS one. Living at home for me was 1000 times harder and more challenging on every level than moving out would have been.

Don't judge others for their situation in life. You just don't know what's behind it. We all have reasons for doing what we do. And not everyone who lives at home past 21 is a careless, immature, slacker with no life.

Xelindra, sounds like you went through alot and came out such a strong person.

Xelinda- that is awful...there is NO reason to ever treat anyone like that. Why people become step-parents when they do not want children is beyond me!

Good for you. I would not want that women in my home either. My mother married a horrible, awful man when I was a senior in high school and he made it a point to let all 3 of us know 'I married a women, not a mother' and for reasons that ONLY God knows my mother allowed him to treat us like we were non-existent. So I understand how difficult it is to deal with someone like this. To this day, I do NOT enter my mother's home and he is NOT welcome in mine. It is very sad that my child will think that his/her grandmother lives in a green 4-door Saturn. But that is the way it is.

I give you soooo much credit for surving someone like that in your life. Always remember what comes around, goes around. Is she even invited to your wedding?

Personally, I never thought that I would have lived on my own before marriage...but, before I finished college, my parents divorced and my family became a statistic. As soon as I found a job after college, I found some friends who were willing to share a house, and we rented together for a year. I just had to get away from the stressful situation that was going on in my parents house. Renting with friends had its ups and downs, and often felt like I was back in college (drama - spare me!)

But, when I finally moved into my very *own* place, it was so much better. I loved being independent - granted, there were times when it was difficult to pay the rent - but, I worked two jobs for awhile and found a way to survive. I think being forced to move out of my parents' house made me a stronger, more responsible person. And I THANK GOD everyday that I married a man who lived on his own before marriage, b/c I could not deal with a spoiled mama's boy! I truly believe that money in the bank doesn't guarantee you happiness.