Without going into too much detail- there are certain members of our family who are approaching 30 and they are extremely content to still live at home with their parents and pretty much free load and do not have any plans to move out.
IMO, I think after a certain age you really do not need to be living at home (more so for a man than anything). Does there not come a time when you are like 'ok I am an adult now, it is time to exert my independence'?
I had this same discussion with my very good friend and he said that this varies by culture.
Please give me your thoughts.
wacky
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I agree that it doe svary with culture. My bro has turned 26 and still lives at home and we have been telling him its time to move out. But we are Italian and it doesnt really matter to my parents. He pays rent, pays for everything himself and helps my mm with the bills so I guess its not really sponging.
But I do think that once in your 30s get the hell out. If you cant make it now, when will you?
070502
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
My family laughs all the time that at 23 I was out of the house and married and my brother who is 29 in November still lives in the basement.
But don't get me wrong, hell our basement is nice. Full bar, living room, bathroom, W&D, office and his bedroom.
I don't think it seemed like a big deal to anyone until this past summer when they realized I have been gone for a year and he is still there. But my parents are selling the house this Winter and well we still don't know what my brother plans of doing. He should have a nice 'bank' by now though. But he did move out for a while and lived with his xgirlfriend and they had a house for a while.
Most of the people I know who moved out on there own either had no choice or they moved away to go to school and mom and dad paid for their living arrangements there and then because they didn't have any school loans when they graduated they moved into the city and never purchased cars.
Edited to say.. are they really content at home? I know my brother hates it but its cheaper then renting out someone elses basement for an apartment on Long Island for 1000 a month.
julybride444
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I agree, but I was out of the house at 18 so I guess I'm an extreme case.
I don't agree that it's 'moreso for a man than a woman'. I think it's equal. Woman are as capable as men to support themselves and live on their own. It's just as important for them too.
I also think living on your own gives you a sense of freedom and confidence not found elsewhere. But, JMO.
nrvbrd
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
July, the reason why I said more so for a man is because men are looked at differently in this society. Come on would you date a 32 year old man who is living at home? It just seems to be more socially acceptable for a woman to still live at home at 32, though IMO it is not.
wacky
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I moved out at 25 then back home and then back out at 27. There was no way I was going to be 30 living at home.
I didnt feel like a woman I felt like a little kid. JMO
Jordan
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
Having moved out at 19, I've always had a 'problem' with people who live at home, mooching off their parents. But every individual case is different, so I've stopped generalizing and lumping them all in together. For example, FHs sister was 33 or 34 when she moved out - she lived at home until she got married...as did her (now) husband who was at home until about 27.
Maybe if my home life had been different, I would have lived home longer and would have been able to save better and not have struggled for as long as I did. Who knows.
NovemberSue
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I don't see anything wrong with someone who is 30 and still lives at home as long as they pay rent. Sometimes its beneficial to everyone. Perhaps the parents appreciate the extra money that is coming in and their child (adult) appreciates that they are able to be able to save money by not paying more in rent elsewhere. Perhaps its the only way they can save for a house.
wacky
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
Cp I agree, home life has a lot to do with it, but if you deem yourself an adult then act like it.
I have friends that still live at home, and Im not judging. But its true everyones situtation is different
charliesgirl
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I think by 30 you should be out of your parents house if you can afford it. Before I got engaged(I was 23) I seriously thought about moving out by the time I was 24/25, depending on my financial situation.
My Dh's brother moved out last year b/c he was tired of hearing his friends and coworkers asking him all the time why is he still living at home. Well he moved to the basement apartment of the building we are living in. Thank goodness he never bothers us but he still goes to my in-laws for all his meals. He pretty much just sleeps at the apartment.
wc0143
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I got my own apt when I was young and have been on my own since. I was 28 when I started dating FI who was a year older than me & still lived with his mom in the house he grew up in. So as much as I always thought 'still living at home' was for losers, since I am not marrying a loser, I guess everyone is different as can be the reasons for it. LOL!
ChristineC68
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
There can be so many reasons for someone to still live with their parents. I do think that living with your parents does not mean a free ride - you should still contribute to the expenses and upkeep of the house.
One of my friends lives with her parents (she's 34) because her parent's are much older and she is an only child and she wants to be sure they get the care and attention they need. She gave up a little privacy but she has peace of mind that her parents are ok They respect her privacy as much as they can. She wouldn't bring a guy home but they wouldn't say anything if she doesn't come home either.
my sister lived at home with my parents until she was 30/31 - I wanted to get out as soon as possible...
my mom charged us minimal rent $200/month (then it eventually went up to $500 when she wanted to get my sister out) but she actually invested that money for us...and we are getting it back now (I wish I stayed home longer)
there were issues my sister and parents had...when I just graduated college and got my first job, I needed to be picked up at the train station...but the time was always different and she would be on the phone...my mother put her foot down and told her to get her own line...
another time when I came home to visit my sister made the comment that my mother never buys any good food...I was shocked that she said this to me, since I had to do my own food shopping...she expected my mother to do it for her...
Wendy
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I can honestly say that as a parent I hope that my son moves out well before 30!! I love him but I also love it when he isn't here. He likes to have things his own way and he has his own schedule (up all night, sleeps all day) which can sometimes be annoying. I like my peace and quiet and my time alone in the house with my hubby!
MrsTC
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I think it is VERY important to establish and to experience some independence at a certain point. In fact, when I met my FH now DH when I was 24, I was just about to start looking for my own place....I did not go away to college and really regretted it.
Then we moved in together when we got engaged and it was the best decision I ever made. I know some people same age as me, 26, who live at home and don't even know how to do laundry!
It just changes your outlook on life...but on the other hand, if someone is living at home to save for a house after their wedding, etc...more power to them!
firegal
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I had a wonderful relationship with my mom (still do) but at 24 I felt that it was time for me to have my own things and my own space so I got my own apartment that I've resided in for 6 years now. FH lived at home (albeit it was in his private attic that he built himself) until he was 27 and then he moved in with me!!
To each his own but I felt like in order to be treated as an adult and to feel like an adult, I had to act like one.
Niecey
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I think everyone is different and there are many reasons people may be living at home...but I would hope even if they live at home they establish their own sense of independence. I know people who live with their parents but are very independent in their own way..they do not look to the parents for anything - they are more just like roommates.
But I always told DH if he didn't move out when we first met - I am not sure if we would have gotten as far as we did. He moved out shortly after we started dating and I did not know this til well into our dating but all the things his mommy did for him - my goodness....I could have never dated a guy like that. But thank goodness - he moved out and learned how to do laundry and cook and keep a home and it never was an issue for us. I could never date someone who was dependent on someone for so much....I wouldn't want to become a replacement for a mommy - I need to be a equal partner in the relationship.
verdila
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I went away to college and got my first taste of being away so when I graduated and moved back home-- I wanted to move out but couldnt afford to until I was 24. My parents, esp. my mom DID NOT want me to leave ( I am Italian) and they and my grandfather believed I should stay home until I got married....
So, I agree that moving on your own gives you independence but at the same time, in this economy - I dont think its so bad to live at home if you are contributing and youre not married. Why should someone go live in someone else's basement and pay 1000 when they can stay at their parents for less as 070502 said...
Looking back, while I enjoyed my 'living in the city' years, I regret all that money I spent on rent that I couldve saved by living w/ my folks....
I do think that once youre married its time to move out...unless its a big house and a temporary situation.
Nora101004
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
I'm 28, FH is 29 and we both live at home to save money. I contribute financially to my house, he does a lot of work around the house so his mom doesn't have to pay someone. We have a date to move out, its not a endless arrangement to wait for our parents to pass on and just keep living there. If my mom said you have to move out a XX age, there is no way we could save money for a wedding, let alone a house.
ETA: My younger sister has been out of the house since college, during college mom paid her expenses- mostly. She's been out 3 years and I still live at home. Mom and my sis think its going to be really funny when I'm on my own(with my FH). That scares me. I think we'll be okay.
Xelindrya
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Re: Living at home after a certain age
LOL
I am 28, FH is 30 We live with his family.
I am so freaked out by it. I realize we are doing it to save money and get our own place. But yes, it seems strange to me. Then again, I’m from Texas. Folks down there are out of the house as soon as possible. I would NEVER have dated a guy still living at home down there. Please.
How things change. Cost of living is so high here. Space is limited. Do I think there should be a limit? I guess it varies person to person.
