ok. i have been on these boards now forever. i created a new account because i dont want anyone to know who i am. (my other bridesmaid is engaged as well.)
ANYWAY, i am having a major bridesmaid issue. i asked these two girls to be in my bridal party (one especially...i dont know what i was thinking)...and i relaized i made a mistake. we already ordered the dresses too...
my best friends in the world live in a different state and one of my friends said that it would be stupid to have them...so i listenened! now i cant imagine my wedding album in 10 years. i am going to be like, who were my bridemaids? i want my girls that live out of town and not the ones i picked.
PLEASE HELP....NEED MAJOR ADIVCE!
BridesmaidProblem
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
someone please.....please!!
juju
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
All but 1 of my Bms live out of state. And I have 7 bridesmaids. I would ask the others if they want to be want to be a bridesmaid. Do you not want your current bridesmaid in the party? Did you only want 2 Bridesmaids? Or you wouldn't mind adding more to your bridal party?
BridesmaidProblem
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
its not that i dont want them....its that i would rather my wedding without them. is that horrible??? i am not a bad person...really.
i just want it to be my firends from high school....the ones that live outta state. these other two are from work. i have known them for a year.
neesiepie
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
Honestly, it IS your wedding...and you are ALWAYS entitled to change your mind. You have to decide if you want your friendships with your current bridesmaids to continue, because telling them you dont want them as bridesmaids anymore can potentially end the friendship. If you really feel that the friendship is so strained thus far, and you really dont have much to lose in losing these girls' friendships, then tell them you no longer want them in your bridal party and ask the other 2 out of towners. BUT....you have to really THINK about WHY you want them out. IS it because they havent been there for you enough as bridesmaids? Are you stressed and maybe expecting more than they can realistically do for you? We put so much pressure on ourselves when planning a wedding, can you imagine how the BM's might feel sometimes? You should really evaluate WHY you feel you want to get rid of these girls and MAKE SURE your reasons are justified.... Hope this helps! ~Denise
BridesmaidProblem
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
OH....my FH has 4 groomsmen. i wanted 4 bridesmaids....(my sister and his sister are already in!)
i kinda wanted it to be even
BridesmaidProblem
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
i know...you are right.
i will want them their friendships to continue but i am leaving my job next year anyway. i mean, i dunno.
i feel like the whole decision was a big mistake. i want the two out of towners and my sisters and that is really it. but i mean, i couldn't imagine actually saying that to these two girls
neesiepie
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
It doesnt have to be even. the girls walk down alone anyways! it all works out fine! :0)
BridesmaidProblem
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
so you guys think i should just ask the other two out of towners to join in?
i am just so agravated. i mean, my current bridesmaid that i just cant stand right now, is engaged too. she made it so clear to me when she said that she is not having any firends in her bridal party....just family. then i was like, OMG......
thats when i realized that i just wanted my sisters and the out of towners
BridesmaidProblem
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
so do you think thats what i should do? ask the other two out of towners to be BM's?
August2004
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
Essentially, what I think it boils down to is YOU need to be happy. If it were me(I am a very direct person), I would tell these two girls that I didn't want them in my BP anymore and suck up the cost of the dresses. Then I would ask my 2 out of state friends to be in the BP and hope that they could fit into these other two girls dresses so they could wear them.
You should refund them(the 2 work friends) their money though(IMO).
ETA - I am sure you are not a bad person(like you said above). We all make errors in judgement sometimes. Don't be so hard on yourself.
neesiepie
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
I would ask them. Hey, I know it hurts that your BM who is engaged only asked family to be in her wedding,try not to take it personal...maybe she has too much family and she just cant afford to have such a large bridal party.... if she is a true friend, then give her the benefit of the doubt. SOmething tells me, though, that you really don't feel that close to her... MY best friend, who I just asked to be my Matron of Honor, just asked my OTHER close friend (who is a BM in my wedding) to be the GODMOTHER of her first baby due at the end of Feb and not me....yes, it hurt, but I also remember that I was her MOH 3 yrs ago when she got married.....so I guess she is trying to be fair. Maybe this is the case with your friend.... I would add the other 2 girls if possible. A bride needs as much support as possible!
BridesmaidProblem
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
how should i tell them?
neesiepie
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
tell who what? tell the other 2 you want them in your wedding, or tell the 2 in it now you want them out? or both?
BridesmaidProblem
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
oh gosh...i am sooooo confused. i wish i could turn back the clock and just NOT ask them! ya know?!
now i really dont know what to do. i mean, if i were to ask them to not be in it anymore, how the heck would i do that! i dont know,,,
neesiepie
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
I think you should just relax, keep things the way they are. try and plan some time with them...bond with your girls. you might just be feeling a little neglected. i know that i went through a phase of regretting asking some of my girls...then i went to lunch with them last sunday and had a blast and realized i made a good choice....
ETS: maybe you can have the out of towners read at your wedding
BridesmaidProblem
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
i know, i agree with you. i just feel that i am going to be leaving my job with them next year and i probably wont be so close to them anymore. you know what i mean?
shelly3950
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
I definitley think you should invite the out of towners. I have 2 in town and 2 out of town (including 1 guy). My FH only has 2 guys in his party. So people will talk down teh aisle evenly, but 4 will stand on my side, and 2 on his. I may ask his 3 sisters, which will make it SO UNEVEN- we will have 3 guys and 6 girls. But who cares? It's our wedding. Most weddings these days are
As for uninviting people after they ordered (and I assume paid for the dress), is hard. It will be difficult. But if you want to do it, then do it! It is your wedding!!!
butterfly20
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
i would ask extra the two out of towner..if they dont want to be in it they'll say so, and if they do, then one usher can have a girl on each arm
kathleenmarie
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
I would leave the girls you have in because you already asked them and ordered the dress, but ask the other girls to join in. Tell them you really always wanted them, you werent sure blablalba, and give them the option to be in it or not. If you want these other girls you should ask them. Good Luck.
