ok. i have been on these boards now forever. i created a new account because i dont want anyone to know who i am. (my other bridesmaid is engaged as well.)
ANYWAY, i am having a major bridesmaid issue. i asked these two girls to be in my bridal party (one especially...i dont know what i was thinking)...and i relaized i made a mistake. we already ordered the dresses too...
my best friends in the world live in a different state and one of my friends said that it would be stupid to have them...so i listenened! now i cant imagine my wedding album in 10 years. i am going to be like, who were my bridemaids? i want my girls that live out of town and not the ones i picked.
PLEASE HELP....NEED MAJOR ADIVCE!
steph4777
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
I would ask the two out of towners to be in the wedding.
As for the other 2 girls, you can leave them in or tell them you changed your mind. If you decide to tell them you don't want them in the wedding, I think you will need to reimburse them for the dresses. I don't think it is fair to expect them to suck the cost of dress as someone suggested earlier. They in good faith paid for the dress bc they wanted to be a part of your day. Although I don't think money will make them feel better, but I think the least you can do is pay for the dress. JMO
Or you can just have a big 'ol BP with everyone. You were obviously close enough with the work ladies to ask them to be in your wedding and I understand about wanting to have your HS friends in it also. Hey the more the merrier!
I hope you don't take my comment the wrong way. It was not meant to make you feel worse about the situtation. I can tell that you are really torn about this. I hope you come to a decision where you can have some peace with your choice. And therefore have the wedding of your dreams. Good Luck!!!
xjulietx
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
I agree that you should ask the out of towners because they are your best friends no matter where they live. You never know what could happen. Maybe when you tell your two current bridesmaids they will decide to back out. Some girls accept the honor of being a bridesmaid because they don't know how to decline and they grumble through the whole wedding because they didn't know how to say no. Maybe your current girls know that there is stress and when you say you are asking others, they will graciously back out.
It is your wedding and you want to look at your album in years to come and be able to be looking at it with one (or all) of your bridemaids and asking each other: 'what were we thinking with those hairstyles?' rather than sitting alone saying:' I wonder what so and so is doing with her life?'
violetfairy
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
Definitely ask the out-of-towners to join in. I wouldn't 'uninvite' the current BMs, though... as others have suggested, don't worry about the numbers being even.
nehaliasz
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
I absolutely agree with everything violetfairy wrote. Thats what I would do. Our numbers aren't going to be even, but I'm not worrying about it.
2bewedin04
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
Do you even LIKE these girls? If so, and you are second guessing your decision, why don't you at least ask them if they really wish to be in your wedding? Tell them that you were second guessing your decision, and that this is the most important day in your life and you wanted to ask them how they felt about being a part of it. THEN, if you're not happy with the conversation, you can judge what to do next. But to kick them out, after you've already committed to them and they have already invested without even discussing it with them is in my view unfair. At the very least, it will set you up for a year of unpleasantness while you still have to be at that job. Also, I think asking your other friends this late in the game would be an insult. If the girls already have their dresses, you must be getting close to the wedding. These other friends of yours feel like they got off w/o having to be in a wedding party and will just have the extra expense of travelling. If you throw out of town bridesmaids into the mix late in the game, you risk appearing selfish. My BMs are out of town, and I paid for their dresses because of it. If you were to ask these other girls late in the game, would you be willing to pay for their dresses? Perhaps you are just getting jitters. I think if you are really uncomfortable w/ your decision after TALKING to the local girls, then ask them out of it ... but don't then switch to new girls so late. You have 2 fam members ... it doesn't need to be even.
ThongLori
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG serious story...please help!!
why would it have been stupid to have those good friends? if they are your best friends -- even if they lived on the other side of the earth -- i'm sure they would have been there for you!
do these girls know you already asked the others to be your BP? If so, they may feel slighted/offended that you didn't ask them right away.
Try to explain to them the out-of-town situation and you didn't want to inconvenince them, etc...
