Long sorry, need advice.

Hi,
So what I need some advice on is what to do about one of my BMs. This is obviously a fake name, and I have already gotten married 2 months ago. I had someone I had known for 20 years as a BM. Through the years, we have had our ups and downs, but I always figured we would be freinds. Everyone we have known from HS no longer speaks to her, because she is drama ridden and has no feeling what so ever. In fact, everyone yelled at me and called me stupid for having her as a BM. But I felt I should have her anyway, all the while knowing she would cause some drama right before my big day.
Sure enough, 4 days before my wedding, she decided she wanted to bring a date to my wedding. I told her yes, however there was no room at the bp table, so either he would have to sit at the next table, or both of them could sit at the next table. She wanted me to rearrange my bp tables so he could fit and make 3 tables instead of 2, but it was 4 days before my wedding and I wasn't going to do that at that point in time. At the rehersal dinner, she pulled my best freind (who she didn't know) aside and bad mouthed me to her, saying I was trying to control her bringing someone.
Anyway, as I said earlier, I was prepared for that, cause she starts drama if the attention is not on her. So now, someone I had known for 20 years, in my bridal party, the only one who still talks to her, and she did NOT give a gift or even a card. It has been 2 months. It is not that she can;t afford the gift, cause her parents both still give her allowance... which is her rent and half her car payment per month. But even if she couldn't afford a gift it wouldn't matter, but where is the card or even the congratulations. Cause she didn't even say that.
My friends have said this is a small price to pay for finally realizing what she has thought of the freindship. And, to top it all off, everyone said I told you not to have her. And all along, I knew in the back of my mind, I shouldn't have, but a part of me had wanted to.
So what would you guys do? Do I edit her out of the pictures if possible, do I confront her? Do I forget about everything? What would you do?

Hmmm that is tough but you do know now what kind of a friend she is...Maybe just slowly fade her out of your life. Sometimes the drama is not worth it and people like her wont realize their actions anyways and will probably turn it on you, unless you think she will actually open her eyes and apologize.

As long as you don't ruin your pics have her out of the pics as most as possible. If you can pic a shoot w/out her and its still lovely then use that. Don't stress too much over the pics because i think 75% of people who have a wedding album with in 5 years don't talk to most of the wp unless its family this is seriously true with my family and friends. Thats why i stuck with mostly family.

I would just slowly fade her out of your life as stated.

seriously. SCREW her, she seems immature and dramatic sorry to say, and a REAL friend of 20 years would never do that, especialllyy BAD MOUTH you ... to other people.

im so sorry u have to go thru this...edit it, forget it, continue on with your life and ur husband!!

you CAN confront her and attempt to make her realize what she did to you...but this friendship seems like its over.. i would actually talk to her and than let it be OVER, so atleast u feel better about it..


good luck keep us posted

Well first let me start by saying that I am sorry that you have to go through this especially at one of the happiest times in life. That being said....I don't think you can edit her pics or photoshop her out of your wedding, I think you are just going to have to take it as a very hard lesson learned. It is harder that people close to you are telling you I told you so. About the gift situation.. I know that etiquette says people have a year to give you a gift...but if it was my friend for 20 years I would be hurt as well. About your friendship I would just let it go...just don't make any effort to be friends with her not just because she didn't give a gift but because she just sounds like someone who has no idea how to be a friend to someone. Just not a nice person that you don't need in your life anyway. It seems like you being a nice person wanted to believe that deep down she was a good person and I know from experience when it comesdown to it and you realize you were wrong. I wouldn't aknowledge her in anyway or even waste my time stooping low like her. Try to learn or take something positive away from this even if it is that you do have other 'real' friendsand family that are there for you.

Live and learn.... Your gut is always right... Do not edit her from your pictures.. you included her for a reason...

Lesson learned though..... You know who your real friends are - not that a friendship should be counted by the gift given - but that a true friend would not have put you in that position nor would they bad mouth you (unless truly out of love and concern cuz that can hapen - unmeaningly - if that's a word haha)

Anyway, don't bring the drama - just live and let live.....

I would say lesson learn. Don't regret a decision that you made, just take it as an experience and move on. It already happened so to be honest with you, you really don't need the I told you so.
Take this time to enjoy being married, who cares about anything else! Girl you are a newly wed, go celebrate!

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Posted by Dibo2b

Live and learn.... Your gut is always right... Do not edit her from your pictures.. you included her for a reason...

Lesson learned though..... You know who your real friends are - not that a friendship should be counted by the gift given - but that a true friend would not have put you in that position nor would they bad mouth you (unless truly out of love and concern cuz that can hapen - unmeaningly - if that's a word haha)

Anyway, don't bring the drama - just live and let live.....

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I agree with this post. I sympathise with you wishing you'd never included this woman in your life - I had a BM sell me out to my Misogynistic Paranoid Delusional Stalker Ex-boyfriend (no Lie), and I wish I'd never asked her to be in my BP. But she's still in my pictures because it's more trouble than it's worth to edit her out. I'm still able to enjoy the memories of my wedding day, even with seeing her in the pictures.

Over the years, Joe and I have had many friends, and slowly but surely we have weeded out people who were damaging, unsupportive, or thoughtless. She may just become one of those friends who you weed out. It's not that she's a bad person-but like you said she is a drama queen and selfish. Regardless of the amount of time you have known her, it may not be worth trying to save the friendship-it really depends on if you want to save it. Good luck.

I'm sorry she did this to you. I wouldn't photoshop her out of the pictures, though. In a few months, you'll only be looking at the pics of you and your FH and you guys with family.

She should ahve at least given a card, but I don't believe gifts are necessary from anyone, especially someone who spent a lot of time and money to be in the bridal party.

I would just try to let go and move on. That's the best 'revenge.'

CUT THAT B**** OFF....don't even bother to confront her, because then she will know what she did wrong...she sounds so selfish...let her wonder why you have stopped talking to her..>DEAD IT DEAD IT DEAD IT..>I would have kicked her out of my bp four days before LOL...

But seriously, cut her off.

Don't photo shop her out of the pictures...just move forward from this point forward..I have the feeling I am moving down the same path with one of my BMs.