lil history...1 BM is Alexs sister in law. Now we always got along but when I got prego she assumed she be the godmother bc her hubby (Alexs bro) was the godfather. Which I told her at 4 months prego that I knew I wanted my best friend as our daughters godmother. Anyway Alexa was born we asked Danny (FBIL) and Daria (my friend) to be godparents. Both accepted! Ever since then my FSIL has had an issue w/ me. Totally insulted that I went out of the family! BUT i have 2 sisters and Alex has 1.....if I was too pick family it would of been one of them before id ever pick her! Anyway now we get engaged and I felt since my 2 friends,cousin and 2 sisters are in it. And I knew Alexs older sister should be in it since he only has 1 that it be wrong if I left his 1 and only SIL out! Esp being he asked my BIL to be a GM! So me 'thinking' i was doing the right thing asks her and she did say yes! She seemed shocked but truly happy to be part of our BP! I told her flat out that night I asked her that I wanted strrapless for the girls. She did tell me I rather not have that style but id wear it...after all it is your wedding! Totally understanding. So I was happy! 4 months after she accepts we order dresses (i picked them bc it was nearly impssoble getting the whole BP together to shop and try on dresses!) Ok mistake #1 I went w/ a dress that was plain bc I figured that make most ppl happy but also it matched well w/ my dress. A-line,V-waist! So I say this is it. All the girls told me they liked it had no issues w/ the dress but now that they are ordered,paid for and came in I now hear lil comments here and there! Well too late they are in and they all need to be fitted this month so no time to change dresses! WELL now I hear from FMIL that FSIL doesnt like the dress at all. Mind you shes no joke a size 2! She says she wont look good in that style dress and want to change once the recp starts! Oh yes and the dress she wants is from Fredrcks of hollywood! She claims she wont be able to dance in a A-line dress. All other BM do it yet she cant? Now I do feel bad that she feels uncomfy but since day 1 she knew the style I wanted. Esp being my BP are all diff in body types!!! The dress she wants to wear well.....its just not something she should wear (IMOP) Nevermind why should my pics get messed up when we do BP shots? I wrote a mass email a few days ago...this is what I said:
I am aware there are several individuals who do not care too much for the style of the bridesmaids dress. I do apologize for this. I have heard someone is looking to change into a different attire at the reception. What I am asking is that no one change their outfits at all! Reason being pictures will be taken through out the night which may include bridal party group shots. Please understand Alex and myself want uniformity as far as our bridal party is concerned. If someone decides to take it upon themselves to change do understand you will not be involved in the picture taking. I don't mean to come off as a 'bridezilla' but get real if it was your wedding you wouldn't want your pictures with someone sticking out like a sore thumb!
Please do not ask me who I am referring too as I do not want to discuss this any further. I'd like to keep the next 2 1/2 months as drama free as possible! I think I've been pretty fair as to how hair & make up should be done and what shoes to purchase.
Hopefully you all can understand where I am coming from.
~Alana
1 day passes...and Alex gets a call from his bro saying his wife is crying and feels Im attacking her! That she doesnt even wanna be part of the BP but only said yes bc of Alex and hi bro! AHHHH now I feel like a fool b/c when I asked I really did think she was genuine w/ those tears! Guess Not!!
Sorry this is so long but now I dont know what to do! I feel we are paying for this, shes going to be in pics and I want the girls to look the same! Yet I dont want her being mad and sitting there w/ an attitude all night!
Last I heard was she may Drop out of the BP! I just dont get how come she said yes and wasted $$ if she really was against my style!
Sorry that you have to go through all this. I do feel bad for you! Do yourself a favor...try to take a deep breath and just let it take it's course. Maybe email her in a week and ask if she is still going to joining you in the BP, just so you know. You don't want to find out the week before...
PrincessRose
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
She's being irrational and cruel. There is ZERO reason for her to be complaining. My Matron of Honor is a size 2 (closer to 0, actually) and *she* wore the same A-line strapless dress as everyone else. All my girls LOVED their a-line strapless dresses and many of them have reworn.
The dress your FSIL wants to change into is trashy, IMO, and inappropriate for a wedding. It's somewhat clear to me the kind of 'Dancing' she wishes to do in that dress.
NY031978
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
Posted by PrincessRose
She's being irrational and cruel. There is ZERO reason for her to be complaining. My Matron of Honor is a size 2 (closer to 0, actually) and *she* wore the same A-line strapless dress as everyone else. All my girls LOVED their a-line strapless dresses and many of them have reworn.
The dress your FSIL wants to change into is trashy, IMO, and inappropriate for a wedding. It's somewhat clear to me the kind of 'Dancing' she wishes to do in that dress.
oh i did fail to mention shes in her 40s! I just dont agree that this dress would make her feel good about herself (look where she got it!)....i mean geeez it shows off more than her BM dress! Im just totally upset over this! But thats how she is and she likes how she looks when she wears this sorta stuff. Everyone makes comments over it too but shes either never heard it or just chooses to ignore it! To me the dress is a lil trashy I do agree...but im sure it looks good on her! Just not at MY wedding!!!
cuteauburnininny
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
i am sorry you have to deal with this kiddie stuff. i think it sounds like your fsil is just jealous that your getting the attention that day and she will not be. that dress she was to change into looks like somthing a hooker would wear and sonething thats makes her stand out to be talked about. which in her mind gives her attention.
i say if she wants to drop out let her. don't let ruin your wonderful day.
DanNette
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
I can't even vote, I think she should stay in the dress. You picked a safe style with everyone in mind. If she doesn't understand that then she needs to work on her dance moves to be able to dance in an a-line dress or she needs to drop out. It would be an awkward decision, but you don't need the stress, not over a dress! Maybe it would have been better to discuss the dress situation alone with her, but she seems really difficult to deal with. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but when she accepted the role of bm, she should know that bm dress don't often look like the one she has in mind!
MJDoc12
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
i'm sorry you are going thru this....and i do think she should have to stay in the dress. BUT....let me just say one add'l thing......
i know you were upset...but i think you went about this in a wrong way. when you sent the group e-mail and mentioned that 'someone who shall not be named' wants to change...you took a sort of passive agressive approach. i'm pretty sure your BP can figure out who it was that was planning on doing this. by keeping her 'nameless' you did attack her. i'm not saying that i wouldn't want to do the same thing! but you probably should've called or e-mailed her DIRECTLY rather than kind pointing it out in an e-mail that was sent to your other BP members. THAT is the part she is probably trying to say you are attacking her.
at this point--there is bitterness between the two of you...and you should probably talk to her. my personal opinion...i think she will probably want to drop out of the BP, cause she knows that she was singled out to the other girls, and probably doesn't want to be in it now. ask her straight out if she wants out---and see what happens.
babygirl71777
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
wow! umm i dont know what to say lol well 1st off its YOUR wedding and you should have it YOUR way. I think if she dropped out it would be best for you and you wouldnt have to worry about her drama that day. and as for that dress she wants to wear,,,,,,,,, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! to a wedding? no way! that is so trashy, im sorry but i would be pissed if someone wore that to my wedding. that looks like a porn outfit lol dont let her run the show. you put ur foot down and have it the way u want! and the style u picked is a perfect fit for anyone so she shouldn't be bi*ching. lay it all down for her, if shes not going to keep the dress on , tell her u rather her not be in the BP then! hope i helped a little. good luck!!!
Tatum&Steve
Posted:
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
Are you freakin KIDDING ME! WHO does she think she is! I would tell her that changing is out of the question - it is YOUR day, not hers! It is not like you are making her wear something totally hideous! I would say to her - 'Hey - you knew what we were wearing, the dress isn't totally unflattering and gross - get over it, it is my day so please wear the dress for me, this day is not about you. An extra four hours of wearing the dress will not kill you.
Some people...
sr081906
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
I am sorry but:
1/ she either sticks with the dress you picked for BOTH the ceremony AND reception or it's nothing at all...i.e.... she is kicked out of the BP. 2/ while I like the design of this dress. The side slit is WAY inappropriate for ANY wedding (BP or not!)
dante31300
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
Are you kidding? You know people really show their true colors when you are getting married. I mean it's your day, one freaking day? People can't allow you to be happy for that one day. It's really ridiculous. I do agree that you could have handled it a little better, perhaps speaking with her directly, sometimes killing people with kindness even though you may not want to gets the job done. It seems that she likes to be the center of attention judging by the outfits that she likes to wear but your wedding is not the time to do so. However no matter what she wears on yur day all eyes will be on the bride so I don't think it really matters what she wears. I would speak with her maybe apologize (even if you don't want to) but just to make peace I didn't mean to offend you and I wasn't trying to single anyone out because there are a lot of people who didn't like the dress. I was just trying to get the point across that photographs are a very important part of the wedding after the wedding they are all you have left besides video(if you're doing it) and the memories you have and you just want everyone to have a uniform look. It would be unfair of anyone to do a wardrobe change but if she feels strongly about it and wants to drop out then it's ok you won't be upset you just want everyone to be happy (even if you don't mean it) I think this will turn the tables on her and now she has to be the one to make the decision and stick with it. I wouldn't worry about that tacky dress she wants to wear you are the bride and it will be all about you on your wedding day.
mycrayon1
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
I am so sorry that you have to go through this hun. That is not fair at all.
My first reaction to the dress was 'Oh, Hels NO' If she changed into that I would make her go and change back or leave. While its a pretty dress and I'm sure it looks good on her, she is going to stick out so badly and that is IMO not appropriate dress for a wedding no matter how it looked on you.
My MatOH had a similiar issue with her DH sister (shes a spoiled brat who I can not stand) she didn't want to stay in our dresses for the same reason i.e. she didn't feel sexy enough for her b/f and changed into something similiar but more revealing in the front, w/out asking first. Needless to say shes not in any pictures for the rest of the night and she actually threw out any of her proofs that have her in them.
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
Let her drop out. If she is not that important to you and she is being a pain, then forget about her being part of the BP. Then she can wear whatever she wants and deal with the stares people will give her in the stripper dress.
dplehat
Posted:
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
omg I give you credit. I can't deal with people like that. Its your wedding and she should not be giving you a hard time. I don't see why she can't dance in the beautiful dresses you picked out. Well short of pole dancing but i doubt you plan on having that at the reception . I agree that she is trying to steal the spotlight and you should not let her. Every family has one person like her. Even if she backs out I would make it clear to her that the dress is not wedding appropriate. Especially for an evening wedding. good luck and if you have to go to your fmil I doubt she wants your fsil wearing that either. It reflects poorly on her family.
july06bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
she either stays in the dress the entire night-if she hates the dress, who cares-suck it up-you said yes to being in a bridal party, you knew the dress choice, OH WELL... dress is paid for...its a done deal...if she doesnt like it, let her drop out...i would NOT have her in bridal party pictures unless she is wearing the same dress as everyone else...
smara
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
First of I want to add that I think that dress is a little too much for a wedding. Second I am sorry you are going thru this. Third, If I was in your sitiuation I would ask her not to change and stress that I think that dress is too hoochified for a wedding - again. But if she still persisted and is a pain in the @ss, I would tell her if she doesn’t mind being inappropriate than she can change after the reception intro and dances etc.. - when the BP is no longer needed. One of my BM changed when her duties were over and I didn’t even notice. I say after the pictured its their call, personally if I was in a wedding I wouldn’t waste my money and stay in my Dress all night Good Luck!!
happygirl07
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
Posted by MJDoc12
i'm sorry you are going thru this....and i do think she should have to stay in the dress. BUT....let me just say one add'l thing......
i know you were upset...but i think you went about this in a wrong way. when you sent the group e-mail and mentioned that 'someone who shall not be named' wants to change...you took a sort of passive agressive approach. i'm pretty sure your BP can figure out who it was that was planning on doing this. by keeping her 'nameless' you did attack her. i'm not saying that i wouldn't want to do the same thing! but you probably should've called or e-mailed her DIRECTLY rather than kind pointing it out in an e-mail that was sent to your other BP members. THAT is the part she is probably trying to say you are attacking her.
at this point--there is bitterness between the two of you...and you should probably talk to her. my personal opinion...i think she will probably want to drop out of the BP, cause she knows that she was singled out to the other girls, and probably doesn't want to be in it now. ask her straight out if she wants out---and see what happens.
I too am sorry that you're going through this.
I do also agree 100% with MJ here. However, what is done is done, and you cannot take it back. The best thing is to her idrectly and if wearing a trashy dress means that much to her, then so be it.
Shmar
Posted:
Member since
Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
Wow, and I thought i was the only one with drama.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and I totally understand how you feel.
First of all, the dress she has picked is a little too sexy in my opinion. She would definitely stand out if she changed!
If she wants to drop out of the BP then that's fine, it will be less stressful for you, BUT you don't want your FIL's to be upset with you. Starting off on the wrong foot would not be good at all!
Don't worry about it though. It's your wedding, and hopefully everyone else will see that!
mirume
Posted:
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
Yikes! I wouldn't wear that dress out in public, let alone to a wedding. I'm sure she would look great in it, but that's beside the point.
If I were you I would make a point to get a few good photos taken with everyone in the SAME dress. You could do this before the ceremony or in between the ceremony and reception. Then let her change if she insists upon it. At least then you'll have some matched formal photos, even if the reception photos are a little off! Then I would suggest trying to laugh it off as much as possible. It's hard, but people should not be getting under your skin on YOUR important day!
kitty1224
Posted:
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Re: LONG....ok am i totally wrong?! (POLL)
Are you kidding me, what is her problem, I can not understad people. she can not wear the dress for one day, is she so superficial that she needs to dress slutty to get some attention. Come on now. Alana, I am so sorry and if you need a BM I am available and I am a size 2. Good Luck
