looking for creativity!! ....

Hey ladies,

I'm having trouble trying to find ways to incorporate my father and my FH father into our wedding without bringing everyone down. They both past away within the last 3 years and we both want to do something but we dont know what. We were thinking of pictures at the alter , but i dont know. And it upsets me to think about it, so i have been putting it off. I want something to say that we love them without making it a crying fest. So maybe something cute. Anyone have ideas? Thanks for your help very much!!

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Could you mention them in the program?
Put framed pictures (maybe of you with them) on the cake table?

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Before my procession begins, my Pastor is saying a few words for my Mom, how she is loved, and how we thank her for making this day possible (If he does it after I walk, I'll break down)

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

thanks dub for reminding me, I'm also putting her (and others) in the program, and during the reception, I will recite a very short poem and follow it up with the song 'Together Again' by Janet Jackson

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

How about a nice poem to them in your ceremony program? are you have getting married at a church? I also think that although it may be sad, it'll be beautiful and thoughful of you both to say something to your guests about your dads...

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Thats how I feel lizlen, i dont even know if i could look at a picture of him after walking, i dont want to start bawling in the church!!

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

thats a good idea Marcella. Then I wouldnt have to read anything, i just put it in the program? (I'm not so good at reciting, lol)

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Kim, I know how you feel, it's very hard. When we were just discussing it with the Pastor, I broke down histerically. He and Len were so sad, the Pastor ran around looking for tissue, while Len was rubbing my back. It was actually cute.
Point is, I know I will break down. I like Marcella's idea of the poem on the program. Maybe I'll do this instead of reciting it.

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

I've been having the same thoughts....my FHs dad passed away 2 years ago...I know we will put him in the program with a prayer but I think I;ve also seen a candle for someone who has died. I'm just not sure how it works....has anyone ever seen this or know how it works??

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Also, are you lighting a Unity Candle? You could have a favorite song of one of theirs played during the lighting so you would kind of be dedicating it to them. Someone on this Board once told me (and I never forget this) that they are our Eternal Flames.

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Are you having a catholic ceremony? instead of laying the flowers to the patron saint you can lay a wreath of flowers on a saint (ask your priest for guidance on this one) blessing them? My friend did that for her mom. although it was sad, it was beautiful to see that her mother's presence was memorialized and that she was remembered on such a special day... I'll be doing that for my great grandmother adn FH's grandparents...

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Betty we're thinking the same thing.
I'm also putting in the program that the Unity lighting is dedicated to my Mother.

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

OOOOO good idea Lizlen....especially b/c now we both won pretty unity candle holders on ebay

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Ok Liz, now you have me sitting here crying with the eternal flame thing!! Gosh I'm such a woos!!. I am so bad with this stuff. Maybe if I just put everything in the program and dont look at it!

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

This is what we put on our programs (along with the names of those who passed)
Small said, “But what about when we are dead and gone, will you love me then, does love go on?” Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shinning bright. “Small, look at the stars, how they shine and glow, some of the stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies, for you to see, Small, love like starlight never dies…….”

We also did a candle lighting thing. My DH's dad passed and a few of my grandparents so we had our mom's come up and light 2 candles while the priest said, 'these candles will stay lit for the entire ceremony to remember those who had passed and couldn't be with us today.' Then my DH and I took these candles to light our unity candle. It was somrthing subtle and not too emotional, the most important thing was that we realized it. I also left a red rose on my grandmother's door step as I was leaving for the church.(She lived downstairs from us.)
Good luck!

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

I think it's so sweet to want to incorporate them, but I understand you don't want to make it morbid or shift the focus.....

I like the idea of mentioning them & the influence they had in your life in the program! Also the idea someone had of puttin pictures of them (With you in them also maybe) @ the reception is a really nice idea!!

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Kimmie, didnt mean to make you cry, though I am the same way !!!!!!
That Eternal Flame thing always stuck with me. I even thought about using that song by the Bangles which I love, when lighting the candles, but after I listened closely to the words, I thought it was TOO lovey-dovey.
I'm using All I Ask, from Phantom of the Opera in instrumental.

I am also using peach and white flowers. That is her favorite color. These little things you can do to incorporate them, that noone will know about. But will make them feel close to you.
Did your Dad use hankerchiefs? You could put one of his hankerchiefs tucked in your bouquet, or outside it in your hand, and that would also serve as your something old. I'm doing that too -- any and everything to feel close to her.
I'm hoping in doing so it will take away some of the sadness and give me a sense of peace. That remains to be seen though.

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Your FH could do the hankerchief thing also w/his Dad. He could also wear a pair of his Dad's cufflinks.

Re: looking for creativity!! ....

Use thier names on the invites and program if your doing one. Dedicate a happy song to them at the reception. Nothing sappy.