Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

Gosh Im not sure where to begin... This girl i was friends with for like 10 years decided it would be 'better Off' if we dont speak anymore. She says it takes two people changing to help a friendship and i can honestly say that i dont know what i did wrong. I know people say that they cant see what they do wrong or their faults, but i really dont see. I know no one is perfect. But now im just mad and i think she is insane!!. i dont know if its because i have found friend she doesnt like, or i hang out with people she doesnt like. I guess all of this is irrelevant. She had said she felt like this for the past year. .....this is w hy im mad. WHY couldnt she have said anything. we talked wedding stuff together, looked at bridesmaid dresses. She says that if i cant see what im doing wrong then shes not gonna tell me. I guess i dont really need friends like this. i just think shes nuts. now my wedding party is uneven. ... and to make it worse.. she did it through Instant message. Now that im talking about it, im getting even more mad. She always hated my friends and judged everyone, so i guess its better off. Im SOOO SORRY guys, i needed to vent.. thanks :)

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

Not to be mean but SHE SEEMS like she has some issues and you should not get caught up in them..

She didn't even have the respect to tell you in person.. The nerve some people have..

You don't need her and have 2 guys walk with one girl.

Don't sweat the small stuff...

Good Luck and Cheer up!

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

That is what we are here for- vent away. I am sorry that she IM you this instead of talking it out. 10 years is a long time to be friends and to use IM to end a relationship is cowardly. Honestly, do not worry about your BP being uneven. Mine is and it is not a big deal at all.
I guess if I were you I would think about the past 2 years or so and see if I had changed. Did your wedding dominate your friendship? Was she going through anything painful and you didn't know it because you were in planning mode? I am NOT saying this is the reason, just asking. But no matter what you find out about yourself, remember that you didn't end this friendship. She did.
It hurts when friendships end. It really does. But I believe things like this happen for a reason, even if we do not see the reason right away.

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

KimmieG,

I feel for you babe! I too have lost two people i thought were friends. One because I had to ask her to step down from being a bridemaid (when I knew she wouldn't be able to afford it & she wouldn't have the time because of school), the other one is still in my wedding party (I think) but she's been nothing but NASTY with me. I felt sad at first becuase I cared about both of them, not to mention my one friend I did a LOT to make her wedding special (I spent a TON of $ & put a lot of work & effort into her shower, bachlorette party & wedding day), only for her to be a total witch to me in return. The way I see it now, it's their loss, I don't need selfish, uncaring people in my life, I can do better & I'm better off without people like that in my life, as are you!!!!

Your 'friend' is an adult, she should have talked to you a long time ago, just goes to show you she still acts like she's in grade school, she didn't even have enough respect or balls to say these things to your face, forget about her & move on, you're better off, just like I am!!!

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

It doesn't seem like she's much of a friend anyway. For her not even to tell you what's bothering her is very immature. She obviously doesn't think much of the friendship to talk to you about her issues. The heck with her. She sounds like she's not worth getting upset over.

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

I do agree with the others...she shouldn't have done it over IM...and she should tell you what is bothering her...

I did have a friend who I came to realize was using me...I would drive her everywhere (ie bars...then she didn't have to drink)...finally I started telling her that I would meet her there...that's when I realized I wasn't needed...she left me alone in a bar...without saying goodbye to me...slowly I tried to remove myself from her and a few months later I told her I didn't think of her a s a good friend anymore...she wasdumbfounded (which I was shocked...btw this was in person) she said she thought of me as her best friend...but we did talk like adults...

I think your friend should tell you a little more about what is bothering her...is it the wedding talk? If I didn't have wedding boards...I'm sure I would have driven a few friends completely nuts with my talk!

good luck...and I had an uneven party as well...you shouldn't ask people to have an even party...but ask people who you want next to you :)

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

Thanks so much guys!!, to be honest, i am a bit upset about our friendship, but more upset that she can think things like that of me. Now im questioning myself. I mean i actually have NO IDEA what i 'did' Ive always been there for her, i never cancel plans, she always did because she hated my friends. I never bored her with a lot of wedding talk. Shes acting like im some big selfish *****, and i dont see it, but now i dunno. AAHHHH

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

I think the old adage is applicable here 'with friends like that, who needs enemies'. That said, I have to say that you sound like a real sweetie, and that this girl does not appear to deserve you as a friend. It may be difficult, but try to enjoy this special time in your life and forget about her. She probably has her own issues and is taking them out on you. As for the uneven bridal party, it really doens't matter...it will look great anyway!! So many bridal parties are uneven, and they are still beautiful. Listen, the fact of the matter is that the only people who deserve the honor of being one of your bridesmaids on one of the most important days in your life are your true friends who love you and are happy for you, and this girl is obviously
not one of them.

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

wow kimmie we are living parallel lives. I guess we BOTH have a lot to think about!

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

Kim,

My original maid of honor and best friend of over 10 years pulled something very similar about 2 months ago. She went nuts. What it came down to was that she couldn't handle me getting married (she was always the one who had a serious relationship and I never did). She said our friendship had changed and that we would be better off not speaking anymore. So there I was 4 months beofre my wedding with no maid of honor!!! Well ya know what....I am better off without friends like that. I asked another one of my good friends who was already in the wedding party if she would be my maid of honor and she was honored and has been such a big help! Don't worry about being uneven. People do it all the time. Don't let it ruin your planning. As life goes on you do find out who your real friends are!

Re: Same here, felt like a break-up! Weird :(

Kimmie, I think we had the SAME FRIEND, a girlfriend of mine did that to me too! We argued via email and never spoke again, she didn't know I met the man of my dreams or anything and didn't even know I was planning to get married. BUT, of course you knew there was a BUT, if I look back over the years of our friendship, am I surprised??? NO, she is nuts and always will be and she used to pull her not talking to me for a year here a year there. We would start hanging out again and she or should I say 'I' did something and then she wouldn't talk to me again. I would take our break-ups as if it was a guy breaking up with me. It was horrible I thought she was a friend. Well p.s. two years later I am better off and happily married and although I wish her no harm I rather not have her in my life. BTW my bridal party was uneven and I don't think anyone noticed!

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

I'm sorry to hear this, it's such a shame. Think positive and don't worry about the uneven bridal party.

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

don't worry about anything....this girl sounds like she definitely has some issues...maybe she is jealous of the fact that you have close friendships with others??? or that you are getting married?? sometimes women act strange around weddings....i've heard many horror stories....

anyway, don't worry about your uneven bridal party...just have one lucky guy escort two beautiful women....or have your maid of honor walk in alone?? good luck!!

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

Thanks guys, I really am glad that you all posted ur opinions. Im sure its all for the best. I dont really have room for that in my life now anyway. :) THANKS

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

don't feel bad, i lost my aunt, yes aunt. (i am 33, she is 29 to wedding planning). she is actually getting married this sunday & i will be no where near her wedding & vice versa. i helped her start her planning & i created an evil monster. and if it wasn't for me, she would have never met her FI!
Ungrateful... I have no use for her.
The story is more complex than this but I don't sweat it!

Re: Lost a bridesmaid, and a friend :(

I think we all have these horror stories. You know what they say about weddings and funerals they bring out the best- and the worst- in people.
After my Mother's funeral, a friend who was oh so supportive of me, kind of just dropped off, to this day I don't really know why. I reached out to her Several times, but when I needed her the most, she simply was not around, and acting quite shady. Now 2 years later, I don't speak to her at all, we never even had an argument !!!!! But what can I do, I can only reach out but so much !!!
I will not be inviting her to the wedding.
Sometimes it makes me sad that our friendship just fell apart, but I've realized all this means, that she was never a good friend to begin with.

Kimmie, I say treasure any good times you had with her in the past, and don't let her awful behavior get in your way of a wonderful wedding and full life with your FH. As for the lopsided BP, noone will notice, these days that is very common. You don't need the added stress. Enjoy your planning !!!!!!