OK... so I am having a problem with this whole title thing.... I have one sister. I wish I was comfortable asking her to be my maid of honor but we really don't get along. She is not supportive is very selfish and really does not have any interest in my wedding. So although she would be the easy choice as maid of honor.... she is certainly not the person I want standing next to me on that day.
I have 2 great friends. One is married and I am not the fan of the MATRON of honor title. Not sure why... I just don't care for it. She lives in Florida and has been just as excited as I am about my upcoming wedding. We have sat on the phone looking at dresses, flowers, etc. She could not be more supportive... even if she was in NY. We have been friends for 7 years... yet you would think that we grew up together.
My other friend...... is not as supportive. I know she is happy for me but is having a hard time showing it since she is waiting to get engaged and is upset that everyone else is getting engaged, married and having babies while leaving her behind. She is older than me and is feeling the pressure I guess you would say.
How do I choose between the two? I know that the better choice is my Florida friend but I am so afraid of upsetting my already fragile unengaged friend. If I do end up having my Florida friend stand up for me do you think I can call her a Maid of Honor even though she is married? I mean I have never heard anyone say anything besides Bridesmaid-- married or not.
Having both seems silly to me.. not a fan of that. Any suggestions?
regy_k
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Re: Maid of honor
as someone who went from having just an MOH to probably not having anybody, I can tell u that the person u need to choose is someone who supports u 100%. not just when they feel like it, or are in the mood to listen to u, but all the time, as u do the same for them. by the sound of it, the FL friend is the best choice, cause she's making the planning fun for u and already participates in everything. u dont need to worry offending someone, this is ur day and u want to be happy and excited and have up there the person that was there for u when the process was going on. make the other friend a BM.
title wise, I think u can call her MOH and nobody even will give it a 2nd thought.
futuremrsjc2010
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Re: Maid of honor
IMO I would pick the person i know who is going to be supportive of. Why don't you have your friend who is not engaged be one of your bridesmaids (at least she will still be apart of the wedding :)). I also dont see anything wrong with having two MOH. My FSIL had a Maid of Honor and Matron of honor at her wedding, its your day so you do whats going to make you happy, you cant worry how everyone is going to feel b/c its just going to make you stressed.....
HTH
mag2010
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Re: Maid of honor
What does your Mom have to say about the possibility of you not choosing your sister?
Okay. I am going to be completely honest with you and I sure many will disagree with me on this one but you should choose your sister. I know exactly how you feel about your sister and support etc...but she is your sister and looking back at your pictures 10 - 20 years from now she will still be apart of your life where the other 2 friends may not. You never know is the next 5 years after you get married you could end up being closer. My sister and I never got along and when she chose me to be her MOH I was in shock. During that time we had nothing in common I could care less about her wedding at the time etc... it was so bad that we couldn't be in the same room sometimes. Today we get along great and she is my friend. Our relationship changed after she got married and moved out.
I also have a friend that did not choose her sister for the same reasons 10 years ago...guess what?!?! She now regrets her choice because she is no longer friends with her MOH and became close with her sister. Before you make your choice really think about it and just don't think about today, think 10-20 years from now.
pjankowski
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Re: Maid of honor
Thanks for your responses.
My mom does not expect me to pick my sister. At this point I think my mom would be shocked if I asked her to be in my bridal party at all.. which I do plan on asking her to be a BM. My sister got married in april and actually did not have me involved in her wedding... actually her actions caused a great deal of hard feelings. We have never had a good relationship and her actions at her wedding were the icing on the cake. First, she had all her girl friends come to her room and help her get dressed... she did not invite me. Then, when it was time for pictures (of which there was one family picture with me in it) she made a scene about my now FH being in the photo. She told me and him he wasn't family therefore not in the picture. Needless to say.... none of this helped our relationship. Although I want her to be nice and want to have a relationship with her that would make me happy to have her as my MOH I just don't see that happening.... now or in the future.
mag2010
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Re: Maid of honor
I am so sorry! Your story about your sister's wedding day breaks my heart. Knowing a little more I think I would choose the friend that lives here in NY to be my MOH. I know you have concerns that she is going through her own issues, it also sounds like she is there for you. The women is Florida I know is a good friend but with a baby and living so far away it might be difficult for her. Again so sorry! It really is a shame that you do not have a better relationship with your sister. I hope in the coming years the relationship between the both of you gets better. Good Luck!
pjankowski
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Re: Maid of honor
Thanks...honestly, I hope so too!
Nina1010
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Re: Maid of honor
Posted by regy_k
as someone who went from having just an MOH to probably not having anybody, I can tell u that the person u need to choose is someone who supports u 100%. not just when they feel like it, or are in the mood to listen to u, but all the time, as u do the same for them. by the sound of it, the FL friend is the best choice, cause she's making the planning fun for u and already participates in everything. u dont need to worry offending someone, this is ur day and u want to be happy and excited and have up there the person that was there for u when the process was going on. make the other friend a BM.
title wise, I think u can call her MOH and nobody even will give it a 2nd thought.
ITA...you should definitely pick the one who will be genuinely happy for you and support you. An option you have, that I've seen others do, is have both...Matron or Honor and Maid of Honor, if you really want to go that route. If not, ppl aren't going to notice if MOH stands for Maid or Matron... no worries. I would be more concerned about hurting the feelings of my biggest cheerleader and not getting the same support afterwards....
bride2b57
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Re: Maid of honor
It sounds to me like you have made up your mind. If the title is the only thing holding you back from asking your friend from Florida, that is silly. Its your wedding call her whatever you want. What matters is that the person you choose is supportive and understanding as you prepare for such a major event in your life.
pjankowski
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Re: Maid of honor
The title is the issue... I wish I could just do it but i am SO concerned about hurting feelings.. I know it sounds rediculous. I want drama free and fee,l like I am having internal drama!
sophisticat13
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Re: Maid of honor
I wouldn't worry about the title. I also am not a fan of it...it sounds 'old' to me somehow or something...but I had both my sisters (one married, one not) as my maid and matron of honor and the title is rarely used (basically only in the programs). Beyond the titles are the true meanings of how it translates to you..meaning that the girl who supports you more and is really excited to be there for you is the obvious choice (your Fla friend). I have been there as your single older friend and for two reasons I wouldn't ask her to be my MOH...one is she is having a hard time in her own life and may not be there in the ways you need a MOH to be there for you...planning a wedding is really stressful...and also because she already has shown signs of having trouble being there for you. GL
pjankowski
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Re: Maid of honor
Thanks.. that really does help
MrsC2010
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Re: Maid of honor
i would go with the girl from florida bc she will probably be really into helping plan and be really supportive. I have been at weddings when the MOH was married but they still said 'Maid of Honor'...i wouldnt worry so much about the title.
you could also have 2 maid of honors...you could ask both friends if you can't decide.
I have to say I am a bit dismayed at the fact that the title 'Matron' of Honor is dissuading you from choosing the person you are saying you feel is the most supportive
JAAMS
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I would ask the most supportive one to be your MOH, and have the other 2 be BMs. I don't think that you are required to ask your sister to be the MOH at all.
pjankowski
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No.. it is not the title of MATRON... just choosing to title each of my friends is the issue... and how to title them. The issue of using the word matron is totally a different issue.
I am somewhat crazy but not yet insane!
Nina1010
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Re: Maid of honor
Posted by pjankowski
No.. it is not the title of MATRON... just choosing to title each of my friends is the issue... and how to title them. The issue of using the word matron is totally a different issue.
I am somewhat crazy but not yet insane!
I know how you feel... FH and I didn't give titles...He couldn't choose bt his 2 bros. and I couldn't choose bt my sisters... not to mention I was MOH for one of my BMs and would have been for the others... and they are more supportive and event savy than my sisters. We decided no MOH or Best Man. Weird...yes. But I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I would def just leave it as Maid of Honor for your FL friend... no big deal... honestly
marinai7
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Re: Maid of honor
I would just go with the one that supports you the most - which seems like the one from Floriday. You need somebody who will be happy and supportive for you, not upset that she's not engaged yet. And I agree about your sister - if you're not close, no need to have her as your MOH. Good Luck.
Jna2010
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Re: Maid of honor
i think it should be the person who you are more comfortable with and will be there for you, which sound like your florida friend, were all grown ups yes someones feelings may get hurt but there is usually only 1 moh so someone has to do it ya know, if she gets upset i would just explain your stand to the other friend and remind her that it is still an honor to be a bm
AdriandSteve
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Re: Maid of honor
In my mind, the first issue to pop up with your friend is that she is in Florida. Imo, it would be very hard for her to plan things (bach party, bridal shower) living in a different state. Perhaps, it would be better to have your sister as maid of honor BUT to have your florida friend as THAT person that you go to for everything. I wouldn't ask your other friend just to make her feel better.
