MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

Okay, so last night we were all at a birthday party for the FG. FMIL leans over to FH and says, ' There is no way I will walk in with your father. Oh and I'm going to be inviting John Doe (who is MARRIED!!!) to the wedding.'

Okay, not sure how many of you knew this but, I was married once before. Reason for divorce:
Ex was fooling around with this secretary.

So, I really, really, really have a problem with married people 'hanging out' with people other than their spouse who are of the opposite sex. Let me also add that this John Doe paid for the FMIL to go on vacation with him this past summer.

Also, it is not her wedding, she is not paying for anything and I am pretty sure we will be paying for her dress, makeup, hair, etc...........................

So, do I have a right to put my foot down here or not? Last night I asked her sister to take a walk with me and I told her that I was beyond pissed and if she kept this up, I was going to say something and it was not going to be pretty.

I had been drinking when I overheard all of this, but it is true and I looked at FH and said, we need to talk about this. He wanted to know if we should talk right then and there and I said no because I wanted to sleep on it and I was drinking and didn't want to kill my nice little buzz. I was really just looking for time to calm down because I was really, really pissed off.

So I'm driving her, her sister and my FBIL's gf to the baby shower this afternoon. Lord help me....and until you can, please let the LIW 2010 Brides help me.

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

Okay ladies

I'm off to WW but will try to read your suggestions before I pick up the FMIL.

TIA

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

i totally understand your point and i def dont agree with it (eta: the situation) either, but i honestly dont think you can tell your fmil who to invite.... 1 way to get around that is to have your fh talk to his mother about it, i dont think she would get as offended and defensive about it that way

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

i think you should def talk about it. i would talk to FH about it alone...get a feel for what he is thinking. i do think its a little odd that she wants to invite the married man..to be what..her date?

then i would have a convo the 3 of you..you , fh and FMIL..that way you can have FH's support

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

is she inviting him alone.. or with his wife???

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

Definatly dont try to talk to FMIL on your own...I'd make sure its either you, her, and FH...or even just her and FH.

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

I would talk to FH first and that way you can make a game plan. You are so angry now (and rightfully so) and you don't want to say something you cannot take back. Maybe you and FH can talk to her together.

Hope WW goes good!

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

You def need to tell FH your exact feelings...you don't want to be pissed on your wedding day.
Edited to add: Otherwise you should just ignore her and her 'friend' on your wedding day. I know it would be hard but don't let anyone bring you down on your day.

Hopefully everything works out.

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

Definitely let FH talk to his mother about this one....Good luck, I'm totally on your side

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

I SOO KNOW what you mean...

My father screwed his secretary .... for 20 years ... my mom always looked the other way ...

well... I was in a bar like 6 or 7 years ago AND MET MY HALF BROTHER!!!

do not allow john doe to go!! NO WAY! If my dad asked me to allow nina to go I WOULD FLIP OUT!!!!

stand your ground!!

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

def talk to fh first see how that goes and then let him talk to him mom

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

Thanks Ladies.

She brought up seating arrangements on our way to the baby shower. I told her that I wanted to talk about it with FH. She kept going and I just said, let's wait and talk about this with him. She finally stopped.

I couldn't sleep at all last night because this is bothering me. Also FH wants to discuss all the things I'm dropping the ball with. He doesn't understand that I've got a list of things to do at work with annual review testing and report cards and the last thing I want to do when I get home is work on another list.

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

From somebody with FMIL issues myself, the only way to *try* to keep your calm, let FH deal with it without you present.

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

If she is not contributing financially to the wedding, you absolutely can say something. Of course, I would discuss it first with your FH but I think you can definitely say something

Re: MAJOR FMIL issues...help!! - turned out to be long, sorry

Since she isnt paying, I think you have a right to limit the guest list. Is she inviting his as her date? Or is he and his wife invited?