Ok girls...I am so angry at my FMIL tonight, she never ceases to amaze me (in a bad way)...some of you may remember my post from last week when I mentioned that my FH had serious shoulder surgery and no one in his family called him! In fact they waited 5 days to call. When his mother found out about the date she told him she was going to Atlantic City. Nice how gambling will keep her from being with her son when he has his first surgery. Keep the insensitivity in your head as you read what happened tonight. She called him on Saturday and the first thing she says to him is....'you're still alive huh?' He had to have his rotator cuff, bicep and tendons completely reattached to his bone and thats what she says?? Anyway, she gives some excuse about how she never knew when it was, but remember I told you that she told him she wouldnt be home... Yesterday she called and said she wanted to see him at our house. He told her he wasn't up to company. She called him tonight to let him know she wasnt happy that she should have to ASK if she can come over. She is under the impression she can come over whenever she wants to and doesnt feel it is right that we feel she needs to call and make sure it's ok. No one ever just comes over unannounced, it's just not the way that it is. My brother lives 30 seconds away and even he calls to ask if we're up to company...sometimes we're not and we have to be able to feel like we can say no sometimes. My own mother has never stopped over without asking if it is ok. It is about respect for us and our home. She blatantly told him that he has to know that she is going to come over whenever she wants and I have to be accepting of it too. Can you believe that crap???? She is so inconsiderate and I am sure that I have missed something just because I am so pissed at her. My FH tried to explain it calmly to her that this is the way we'd prefer it and she dismissed us entirely and said she can see 'her son' whenever she wants. You know, the son she didnt even call when he could have used some support! My answer to her is 'if you dont like it you dont have to come over!!!!' Nice of her to pick a fight right before the holidays huh? Classy people.... Thanks girls...my venting is over!
MF9282
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
Ughhhh!! Screw her!! hat a pain!! am telling u some of these moms/sisters are insane and are such jerks bc they are jealous that their son/brother lives for us not them anymore!! Screw them, nice timing she has!!!
EverlovingEv
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
UGH! She's being incredibly difficult!!! How do you stand it? How do you stand her? Not calling your son after his surgery is ridiculous! Then expecting to show up whenever is absolutely absurd! I've never ever shown up at anyone's house without calling first. It's common sense...which she seems to be lacking.
billandme
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
WOW!!!!! Sorry you are dealing with this right now.
Some moms have a hard time dealing with the fact that there is another woman in their son's lives. Some take it A LOT harder than others........
But yes, I think the way she appraoched the situation was wrong. She could have talked you both of you and understood and accepted your wishes. It's not THAT difficult to phone first.........
Maybe you and your FH can sit down with her and just explain again how you hope that she respects your wishes. Do you and your FH go to her house unannounced at all?
But the whole 'not phoning' thing after his surgery was totally wrong. She should have checked up on him to be sure he was OK..........
Good LUCK!!!!
TLC1018
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
He explained that its normal procedure to call someone before you show up at their house and she says with family that does not apply. He explained to her over and over again, it's not that she is not invited to our house ever, but she needs to call in advance and know that we are even home!!!
We have NEVER gone anywhere uninvited or unannounced. I would love to be able to sit down with her and talk about things logically and calmly, but that is just not an option with her.
I cannot stand them, they are crazy people...the only thing we have in common is my FH. All this overreacting from the mother that didnt remember her son was having major surgery!
tricia3381
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
Posted by TLC1018
He explained that its normal procedure to call someone before you show up at their house and she says with family that does not apply. He explained to her over and over again, it's not that she is not invited to our house ever, but she needs to call in advance and know that we are even home!!!
We have NEVER gone anywhere uninvited or unannounced. I would love to be able to sit down with her and talk about things logically and calmly, but that is just not an option with her.
I cannot stand them, they are crazy people...the only thing we have in common is my FH. All this overreacting from the mother that didnt remember her son was having major surgery!
u have ur hands full!!! i'll pray for you!!
bettybcafe
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
Wow...I feel so bad for you...
Dee606
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
Wow. I'm so sorry that she is acting like this. I'm glad to hear that FH is with you on this one. That is important & you can both set boundaries together. Just don't answer the door the first time that she tries coming over w/o calling. And If she knows that you are home and avoiding her maybe she'll get the picture.
LaurenF
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
let her come over.....and don't answer the door. hope she enjoys the doorstep.
TLC1018
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
Posted by LaurenF
let her come over.....and don't answer the door. hope she enjoys the doorstep.
That would be great!
LaurenF
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
sometimes it's just not even worth the fight with some people. let her stop moaning about how she's 'entitled' to come over. if she's so insistent about coming over, save your breath. just don't answer the door. then what is she going to do? she'll get the hint real fast....
TLC1018
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
Posted by LaurenF
sometimes it's just not even worth the fight with some people. let her stop moaning about how she's 'entitled' to come over. if she's so insistent about coming over, save your breath. just don't answer the door. then what is she going to do? she'll get the hint real fast....
Sometimes I think we could hit her over the head and she still wouldn't get it! She's so spoiled and bratty...and good reference to her 'entitlement'. Last time we checked, we're entitled to feel like our home is respected.
LaurenF
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
people like that need to be put in their place real fast otherwise they never stop. and quite honestly, they can't be spoken to because they just don't get it. your response to their ridiculousness is better spoken in your actions.
TLC1018
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
Posted by LaurenF
people like that need to be put in their place real fast otherwise they never stop. and quite honestly, they can't be spoken to because they just don't get it. your response to their ridiculousness is better spoken in your actions.
You're absolutely right because when I try to get my point across to them, they tell everyone that I hate them and act pretentious around them. It's just that I am very sure of how I want things to be and it's not what they want to hear. So my actions will have to show what we want. Its always hard to set a precedent, but I cannot have her walking all over us for our entire life!!
LaurenF
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
that's also a problem with living so close to family.....family that you don't like, that is! it makes them feel like you're living on their territory. i have a friend whose MIL just 'pops in' every once in a while when she feels like it----no phone calls, no advanced warning....NOTHING!!! if you lived at least a half hour away, it wouldn't be worth their time to just drive over and see if you're around because if you weren't, then they'd be wasting an hour in the car! you need to move far far away!!!!
TLC1018
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
Is Mars far enough away! She'd probably find a way to arrive unannounced there too!
It's just that she doesnt get it! We have been living together for 2 years already, and no one up until now has had an issue with this! Funny if I had to pick someone that would say something it would be her!
Dee606
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
this has nothing to so about your issue with FMIL... but your kitty in his santa suit is so cute!!!
snydl40
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
What an a$$hole! She should have some respect for you and your FH and your home. If she comes over unannounced-I wouldn't answer the door.
PegaLega
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
wow she sounds like a class act! I am the same way about my home! EVERYONE calls before they come over....she needs to learn to have respect for the both of you. Maybe she is still getting used to her son getting married....either way tell her to go sniff
SusanAdam
Posted:
Member since
Re: Major FMIL vent....
Wow I would be pissed if my FIL's acted that way. I would be constantly worried that they might just stop by. She needs to respect your and FH's space and your right to privacy! I just moved out 5 months ago and my mom insists that her home is still my home too and to just come over anytime I want without having to call. I could just never do that. It's a matter of respect to just give a simple phone call to see if they are up to company. I mean how hard is it to make a quick call! Sorry you have to deal with a person like that.
