major rant!

So I told my mom that i picked the bms dresses i like and she has done nothing but complain and fight with me since i told her:

you dont spend time with me, you never go shopping with me, you picked out ugly dresses and i hate them , you should get red dresses, because you are spending so much on this wedding red dresses would be appropriate


you never take me with you shopping and you dont listen to what i tell you

'a wedding is about the bride and her mother spending time together and picking things together'


funny i always thought it was about the couple getting married and making a life long commitment to each other

at my sisters wedding they did this, and at my sisters wedding they did that, and you know what, im going to wear a black dress too, or a polka dot dress'

her sisters wedding was in 1986!!! they wore big floppy hats!

she continued:

'everything you pick out is so ugly, i dont know why you are even bothering having a wedding you should elope and save your money, you are going to need it for a good lawyer when you catch rob (my fh) cheating on you!'

so i couldnt take it anymore and told her:

'if you dont like it, then dont come, no sweat off my back, it would actually save me a lot of money if you stayed at home that night with all your negativity'

and she agreed

'good, i dont want to go anyway, doesnt bother me'

what kind of mother talks to her child like this?!? both of my brothers eloped...im the only one left..and the only girl..am i missing something?!?

sorry for the long rant..but i just had to get it out before it ate at me

I am so sorry that she said that too you!! I don't understand why she would say that! Maybe you can talk to your brothers about it.....see what she said to them about getting married......

I have a similar issue with my mom! You know what, you disinvited her and she isn't comming. Let it go. You could do without the negativity. If she wants to make up, make her come calling. It sounds like she wants to take over the wedding and in some ways, wants to avoid you getting married. maybe a little empty nest. Again I don't know you or your mom. Don't let it get to you. Enjoy your day, share your wedding plaining with us, your FH, your friends, and everyone else who supports you.



PS
I hope you do better with your FMIL!

Ouch - this is very harsh..can you talk to your mom and tell her how hurtful her words are? And it is her negativeity that forces you to make decisins alone? Disinviting, her, is I'm sure, is not what you want. You need to level with her if you can.

my mom happened to come in and i showed it to her, and she said that she thinks your mom is jealous....wants to live vicariously through you on this, but wants all the control that you have. she thinks that it might be a way of getting back at you for having what she would want. we think that you two should try and talk......but if she's being unreasonable about that, you need to do what makes you happy because after all its your wedding and your day.

this is from my mom

If it makes you feel any better, my mom hates everything I've picked and or decided about my wedding. we fight constantly about it! maybe your mom and my mom could get together and have lunch and b*tch us out and get it all out of their system. then they'd be nicer to us!

by the way, 1986, big floppy hats

Every time I talk to my mom I hear about how much money I am spending on the wedding and I should elope. (We are paying for our own wedding.) She thinks she knows best and is trying to help. I stopped telling her anything about the wedding, other than time and date. Her sister, my aunt, now wants me to confide in her when I want to talk about my wedding.

Any chance your mom is going through menapause? I say back off and don't tell her anything about the wedding. In a couple of days, call her or visit her, and tell her how you feel. No yelling, even if she starts harping on your choices. It's your day and tell her you want her there. Moms always have an opinion.

Wow, that is pretty harsh

My mom is kind of the same way - she is very negative and it makes me not want to take her anywhere or tell her anything. I mean, why take her shopping when she's going to complain the whole time and say she doesn't like anything? She's actually getting a little better, but still ...

I can't imagine what you are going through. I didn't have my mom or mother in law to be with me when I was planning and that was hard and I wished they were with me, but this situation is out of hand.

She is projecting on you. This has to stop. You need to tell her that it has to stop. She has no right to speak to you that way. Would she speak to one of her friends that way? She obviously has some issues which are not your fault. I know you are hurting. Give it some time and make a date to talk to her.

You sound very independent and maybe she's intimidated by you.

I am so sorry you are going through this. It's really hard when someone is so negative about something that is really important to you!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry!!!

don't worry - i am convinced that all mothers are batty. ps - the conversation that you had with your mother mirrors one i would have with mine. you are not alone. except my mother would be screaming 'why do you need me to come with you?? you can't pick out BM dresses by yourself??' - you can never make a mother happy. like i said before BATTY.

and ps - you know your mother is coming to your wedding. that was her not having a response wittier than agreeing with you. my mother has offered not to come to my wedding a bunch of times - but then an hour later is babbling on about it again.

hang in there...

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Posted by princessofci

'...save your money, you are going to need it for a good lawyer when you catch rob (my fh) cheating on you!'

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OK... first off don't take it too roughly when she tells you that the stuff you pick are ugly. Honestly, she's from an older generation, so it doesn't matter about her opinions on dresses, etc.


BUT- the next time you speak to her (since you prolly aren't right now) I think you should throw those words I quoted above in her face and ask her if she's trying to jinx your marriage and if she would want her only daughter to ever feel pain like that? I would do that... I would be like 'How could you even say those words when you're suppose to be blessing my marriage and praying that it's happy and lasts forever?

mom, lets just leave it at that!!

Oh my, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this much negativity, as you plan the beginning of a life full of love and happiness.

I know it is much easier for me to say don't let her get to you, than it is to be done, but try. If talking to her and explaining how her negativity is hurting you isn't an option, try writing her a letter. Maybe it will help. A letter might also give both of you distance and perspective.

Good luck!!

Wow! At 1st I was going to say that you prob should include her in going shopping and letting her share ideas, tho of course you and FH have the final say. I include my mom in pretty much every aspect of the wedding bc I know it means a lot to her.

But then when I continued reading and I saw what she said to you my thoughts completely changed!! I can't believe she said those mean and hurtful things. Def give it some time and talk to your mom about how what she did was awful and try to come to some kind of compromise. We're here for you!!!