Major Vent (need hugs)

I am so angry and upset right now I can't even think straight. FH and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. It's been a really hard year, my mom has cancer and his parents can't afford to help us out. FH has a ton of family, so in order to try to scale things down we said that no kids under 18 would be invited. Some of his aunts were upset and asked why FH would not want to invite his cousins, and he explained that we would love to include everyone, but we cannot afford it. Recently we received two response cards from two of his aunts RSVPing for 4 people when they were just addressed to his aunt and uncle. FH called his uncle to clarify things and his uncle said that while he would love to be at the wedding, he cannot attend if his kids are not going to be able to go. FH offered to hire babysitting, but his uncle said if his kids can't come then he and his wife are not coming..but no hard feelings (yeah right). At the end of the conversation he mentioned that his other aunt who also responded for 4 will be telling us the same thing. Although I don't know them that well I am so upset that they would be so selfish to just not show up. We are going through so much to make ends meet for the wedding and then with all the added stress with my mom being so sick I just can't believe they would do this. I am worried that other members of his family will go on 'wedding strike' with them and we won't even be able to make our minimum now. I also feel so upset for my future MIL, since she is so close to her family and it was so important for her that they attend. I just can't believe that so much drama can occur for what is supposed to be a happy occasion. Thanks for letting me vent.

I cant give you any words to make it feel better, I can offer some
Its amazing the way that people will react when it comes to weddings, I havent run into this issue just yet and I hope that I dont, but they need to understand that there are other things going on in your life and FHs life. People need to learn that they dont always KNOW everything that is going on with others....and that is probably what hurts the most for you. Not that they wont be there, b/c they couldhave just rsvp'ed NO. But the fact that they just dont understand!

im so sorry hon. you see people's true colors during these times. i hope everything works out.

I am sorry to hear you are going through all this stress. I hope things get better for you!

I'm sorry hun. If they really cared, they would be at the wedding and put the BS behind them. So just enjoy your day. And hey, if you don't make your minimum, get your RH to throw in some extras! Don't sweat this stuff when you have so many other things going on.

Let me start out by giving you some hugs i can relate to some of your stress. My mother is very ill as well and FH and i are paying for the whole wedding as well. People were very offended when we said that no children should be there at the ceremony and the reception. His father agrees that a wedding is really no place for small children. as a result of our decision a lot of his family has chosen not to attend from ireland.It makes us sad.. and we pretty much based the date and all on thier availability. Your husband was so kind to offer to hire a baysitter.. you would think that parents would love for a night out alone. Im sorry dear. always willing to lend a shoulder to cry or an ear to vent to. Good luck. your day is going to be beautiful either way.

I'm so sorry for everything your going through, especially with your mom being sick
I'm sorry that families make it so difficult sometimes. Are you close enough with your MIL to talk to her about it? Maybe you can write her a letter and explain how you feel and see if she can talk to her family.

If not, if these family members decide to be so selfish and ignorant then let that decision lay heavy on their heart and not yours.

Enjoy your day, be happy you are getting married and enjoy all the wonderful people that are there to witness your big day!!

I'm sorry you're going through this. We haven't had it happen yet, but I suggestion I saw here was, when people say they're not coming without their kids, just to say, 'So sorry to hear that, we'll miss you.'

I would hope they'd put their selfishness behind them and attend.

Try not to be so upset. At any wedding, unless the bride and groom invite everyone they've ever met and their entire extended families, some people are going to get insulted or upset about those who weren't invited. At some weddings, it's friends insulted that you didn't invite them with a guest, at others it's parents insulted that you didn't invite their kids. It's pretty juvenile of them to take it so personally. Obviously you're having an adult party where children aren't wanted--and there's nothing wrong with that--or you can't afford to invite children and guests. Whatever you decide, it's your wedding, and you and your FH get to make the rules. Once you've made the rules, stick with them. You can't allow a few people to have children and not others, unless they're in the bridal party. OTOH, they have a right to decline to attend because they just can't leave home without their precious darlings. Look at it this way: now you can invite more friends you couldn't afford to before! Right?

I am sorry your FH family does not understand the situation. It is so expensive to pay for a wedding yourself! I am sure everything will work out

just remember that EVERYONE goes through this on some level.
Everyone.
And if you don't go through this, then you have remorse for inviting people you didn't want there.
Just part of the wedding planning process. EVERYONE on this board either has already experienced this, or they will.
It stinks,,,,,,but its just part of it.