marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Original post by kdelace

Sep 17, 2004 01:25 PM

I haven't posted about this in awhile b/c ive been upset and tired from school and emotionally drained. Long story short we never did meet for dinner. He has mixed feelings and to be honest so do I. Although I miss him, my life has been peaceful and calm these past two weeks. he doesnt like when I yell and scream and that is what I became when I was with him, its not who I was. He sees it as me kicking him out when the truth was I couldnt take the fighting and arguing anymore. I was miserable. He doesnt think he has a problem and he thinks I am making a big deal out of nothing.
Part of me feels bad for feeling that way and giving up because its only been 7 months but do I want to spend my life dealing with this???we were together a year and half before that and there were signs. i thought things would get better once we got married (naive) and it just got worse.
he just doesnt see how it not only affects him but it affects me. he says he cant and won't change. so im supposed to accept that? sorry i can't.
thats where I am right now....

DjPiLL Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:06 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Posted by jannshari

I did read the whole thing. Your last post to her before I said anything was completely unnecessary.

kdelace Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:07 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

DJPILL- u r are a piece of work. i sent you an fm b/c i didnt want to argue with you and i was upset and you have to parade it around... u r a complete a$$

'I get slammed. Oh well. Actually I just got a FM from her. Interesting'

since he wanted to publicly announce it this is what i sent him..

'Look, i dont want to argue with a 'stranger'... im just upset and needed to vent somewhere.. i dont want to go back and forth and make ridiculous remarks... i just feel you made insensitive comments when its my marriage that im upset over....believe me i wish i was ina different place right now.. i wish my husband was next to me and we were happy... this is hard enough... please dont make it harder... '

and hes still being a DJA$$HOLE!!

DjPiLL Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:09 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Posted by kdelace

DJPILL- u r are a piece of work.

Just keep going with those personal attacks!

palebride Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:09 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Kristi - this is the last thing you need right now....try to ignore DJPill's immature need to make everything about him....and never forget that the rest of us care about you, and want you to be able to get through this painful process without any undue stress....

DJPill - please get over yourself already...show some compassion....for a change.

Sweetie2004 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:10 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Posted by palebride

Kristi - this is the last thing you need right now....try to ignore DJPill's immature need to make everything about him....and never forget that the rest of us care about you, and want you to be able to get through this painful process without any undue stress....

DJPill - please get over yourself already...show some compassion....for a change.

jannshari Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:10 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Posted by DjPiLL

Posted by kdelace

DJPILL- u r are a piece of work.

Just keep going with those personal attacks!

If you think that's an 'attack', you're a wimp. Why don't you just give it up already? This isn't about you and making yourself look good. This is about a real person and her pain. Get over yourself.

DjPiLL Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:15 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Posted by palebride

DJPill - please get over yourself already...show some compassion....for a change.

I did show some compassion when I heard about the drugs thing. Am I the only one here that can read this?

I said I was in COMPLETE AGREEMENT!

I will say it again... good luck with what you end up doing. I don't envy your situation but I hope it turns out for the best.

kdelace Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:17 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

DJPILL is actually amusing.. hey i'll give him credit for keeping my mind off my personal life!!! he doesnt bother me...

DjPiLL Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:27 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Posted by kdelace

DJPILL is actually amusing.. hey i'll give him credit for keeping my mind off my personal life!!! he doesnt bother me...

BriBri529 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:33 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

kdelace Posted: Sep 17, 2004 06:58 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

' 'think after today's shenanigans.... I am gonna have a few beers at the bar while I am DJing tonight''

hey have a shot of tequila for me!!!!!!! no salt or lime- I take it straight.....

MrsK-in-June05 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 07:02 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

I understand you are going thru a hard time...at the risk of getting flamed, I would like to answer a question. If your DH has an addiction why don't you try to help him? He may not want help right now but it sounds like he needs a friend. I am not taking his side in anyway but I had to ask.
I lost a great boyfriend that was marriage material because I was the addict. He didn't help me and I still don't understand why. I suffered for 3 more years till I finally got help.
I know what its like to be the addict. It's not fun and we don't try to hurt people along the way. In fact, he is being controlled by the substances whether it be booze or drugs.
Even if you totally hate him at this point in time and he is being a total D*ck try and get him help. I don't know if it will save your marriage but it will save his life.

DjPiLL Posted: Sep 17, 2004 07:04 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Posted by kdelace

' 'think after today's shenanigans.... I am gonna have a few beers at the bar while I am DJing tonight''

hey have a shot of tequila for me!!!!!!! no salt or lime- I take it straight.....

Heh feel free to stop by if you are ever in Manhattan and i'll buy you one.

I really am a nice guy at heart (most people here won't believe me but thats ok). I am just a little opinionated. Well maybe VERY opinionated.

Oh and I take it straight as well. Stuff like lime/salt/sugar/etc is weak.

jannshari Posted: Sep 17, 2004 07:04 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

I don't think he sounds like he wants the help. Would you have accepted 'help' when you were in that situation or were you in denial?

I think until he's ready to understand that he has a problem, he's not going to accept help from anyone.

MrsK-in-June05 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 07:06 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

I tried to say that..things online never come out right. Even if he doesn't want the help he could use a friend...ah ha, I did say that! I am offended, lol!

jannshari Posted: Sep 17, 2004 07:09 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

I can't speak for Kristi (because that would offend her, I'm sure ), but I imagine it's hard to be a friend to someone who is supposed to love you, but whose behavior and actions are directly hurting you. You know?

Quit being offended. It's offensive to me.

kdelace Posted: Sep 17, 2004 07:10 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

I actually used to go to Sutton Place all the time- and Turtle Bay.. I was a frequent visitor in my hey day....

and you are so right about the salt/lime etc.. spoken like a true bar employee!!!

MrsK-in-June05 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 07:12 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Posted by jannshari

I can't speak for Kristi (because that would offend her, I'm sure ), but I imagine it's hard to be a friend to someone who is supposed to love you, but whose behavior and actions are directly hurting you. You know?

Quit being offended. It's offensive to me.

Well Well..we are married and now know it all! Oh nvm you knew it all before! Stop offending me..I am offended that you are offended that she is offended.

kdelace Posted: Sep 17, 2004 07:14 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

i need a drink........

Boop2704 Posted: Sep 17, 2004 07:33 PM

Re: marriage update...little long..sorry haven't vented in awhile!

Kristi, I am am so sorry things are not getting better. I am still keeping my fingers crossed that he WAKES UP and realizes he is losing the best thing that ever came into his life.
Maybe you should try going to one of those AA support groups for family members, maybe they can give you some ideas of new things to try and get through to him. I so wish I could help you and make all this have a happy ending!! I am here if you need someone to talk to. Go have that drink!!