Maybe I should find out?

You see, I am totally confused what to do. I really don't want to find out if the baby is a or a BUT as my 2nd ultrasound appt is coming closer (July 29) I am starting to think 'maybe I should'. I also know Scott really, really wants us to find out.
But here is my main reason for my flip-flop (opinions are welcome). I truly believe that I am having a boy, although the ONLY baby dream I have had was a girl dream. As some of you know in my heart I really want to have a girl. Now, that doesn't mean I don't already love my baby no matter what or that I do not feel blessed every single day that he or she is coming into the World. I do. I am sooo thankful for this baby. But all my life I have dreamed of having a daughter. I have a 19 year age difference between my little brother and I and I feel as if I have raised a son (in many ways he is like my own child.) Scott thinks that if I found out early that the baby is a boy I could start to get boy things and get excited and adjust my thinking to having a boy first. Now, I current only call the baby boy names, and I refer to the baby as a boy too. I think that I am trying to change my thinking and prepare for having a son first. Scott thinks me getting the room ready and stuff will be better for me.
Is it easier for me to know ahead of time and prepare or will the 'surprise' be better? I LOVE the idea of the surprise but I have read a few articles about women feeling depressed when their hearts were so set on one sex over the other.
And honestly, it has been 28 years since a girl was born into our family and I know everyone has their finger's crossed for a girl this time.
Any advise?

Michele,

Do what your heart tells you to do.

Maybe the day of you will completely want to know and you will just ask on the spur of the moment or maybe you will be in the position of not being able to because maybe the baby won't 'cooperate'?
That must be so hard to know you can find out, and have to decide if you want to.

All the best to you & let us know what happens on the 29th!

PS-I could tell all along from reading your posts you really want a girl.

I say find out so you can get used to the idea of a boy if it is.

I know either way you will be so happy & you can be surprised for the next child!

Michele...I have to tell you -for some reason, I think you should find out! Chris and I discussed this one night. He wanted to know. I knew I didn't and we went with my gut. But my gut is strong on it. I KNOW I don't want to know. I think you can trust that you are wanting this baby no matter which you get- and if it's weighing on your mind - find out! Why not? I think if it's really eating at you, then waiting for the 'surprise' isn't really worth it. In other words...I am looking forward to not knowing...I think you are the opposite. And there is NO RIGHT WAY!!!

I mean there are perks for sure- your mind will be at ease, you can start buying according to sex, you can choose your name...and listen nobody needs to know besides you and Scott. Just because everybody wants a girl doesn't mean you have to tell them beforehand. So it can still be a surprise for your family. Either way you know where your heart is at. It doesn't matter to you, so why not just enjoy that second ultrasound and find out!!! (also.....let us not forget.....this is just your first, cutie!!! If it's a boy now...could be a girl next time around!!!)

My stepmother is coming to the u/s with us because she asked if she could and it means the World to her. If I decide to find out I will call ahead of time and tell them to say that I can only have one person at a time. Scott will come in, we would find out, then he could get my mom to come in to see the baby without ever knowing that we were told. But I am not sure yet.

Scott and I have both decided that if this is a boy our next will 100% be a girl because we will adopt from China. well, honestly Scott doesn't care either way really but he knows how much it means to me so he is very happy to have us adopt a daughter from China. Plus he is secretly hoping his daughter plays basketball for UCONN. but he had better hope she doesn't have my height- 5'1.

I have a friend who only wanted a girl and when she found out she was having a boy, she was completely DEVASTED. I mean she cried for weeks on end over this and felt as if she was cheated and lost the gamble. I told her she was being ridiculous and should be thankful that she was going to have a healthy baby, but there was no talking to her for a couple of months. I think she went through post-partum early.

Well, she's due next week and after finally accepting the fact that she's having a boy, she's now starting to get excited and into it.

My point is, if you know you'll be that devasted with having a boy, then you should find out now so that you can come to grips with it, if you will.

IMO, and I'm speaking for myself, I don't know how anybody can be that disappointed with what sex the baby is. It's a baby, you should love him/her unconditionally. I mean it's a 50/50 chance, so you can't get all worked up having one over the other! That's why when everyone says that I'm having a , which seems to be the general concensus, I just nod my head and say 'I'm having a baby'!!

And not for nothing, but exactly what is wrong with having a boy anyway? Why does everyone automatically want a girl? I wouldn't trade my nephew for anything in the world - he is hysterical and such a boy. On the same hand, I love my goddaughter to death and wouldn't trade her either. Both sexes are fun to raise!

If this is going to drive you bananas for the next 4 months, find out and save yourself all this unnecessary angst!

I didnt find out that Emma was a girl. It was SOOOO hard. I had two sonograms and at each one I wanted to know but not enough to have a surprise. Having a healthy child meant more than the sex. Calling the baby 'He/She' for 9 months was annoying but in the end Im glad FH was the one to say what the sex of our child was.

BUT that is just my story. If you REALLY want to know what you are having DO IT!!! Just remember that sometimes they are wrong. You could be told you are having a girl, paint the room pink buy frilly outfits only to find out something was blocking his thingy and you have a boy. You could also be SOOO excited you are having a boy and find out that you have a daughter. Technology is great but not definite.

I know I probably didnt help but good luck with whatever you decide to do.

IMO, I think you should find out. It does seem that if you're pg w/ a , there might be some initial disappointment. By knowing early, it will give you time to adjust to 'the news'. You and Scott can keep it to yourselves, if you want, anyway!!

For us, in the beginning, Steve *really* wanted to know the gender - he wanted a boy so bad - but, he's glad now that we didn't find out... he's so excited about this blessing he doesn't care what it is!!!! He can't wait to make the phone calls to tell everyone 'It's a ....'

I'll admit that knowing my baby's gender has been in my file since week 18 has been tempting - but, I'm so thrilled we're having a SURPRISE!!!!

Best of luck in whatever you decide, Michele!!

I think you should find out, if you feel a preferrence either way. This way you'll have more time to 'mentally' prepare... But then again I don't understand the whole surprise thing anyway, just like it is with engagement. I would rather know that not know...Good luck with decision making

I also think under the circumstances since everyone has there heart so set on it being a girl you should find out.
If it is a boy everyone in the family has time to accept it and be excited just the same.
You have been driving yourself so crazy over not knowing what to do, maybe if you just find out.. you can relax about it more.
Trust me.. when that baby arrives.. there will be no dissapointment in the fact that ' he or she wasnt a surprise'
Follow your heart, you'll make the right choice

Michele I went throught the same thing, I was always saying I would never find out. I wanted a boy more than anything and kept having girl dreams. So when Steve wanted to find out and we had the amnio which is 100% I caved because I knew I mentally needed to prepare myself in case it was a girl!!! For your own piece of mind I think maybe you should find out. Good luck with whatever decision you guys make

Michele, you know that no matter what anyone says, you need to do what is best for you. If it will ease your mind, than go ahead and find out if that baby will be beautiful in blue or pretty in pink.

There are risks involved in finding out, too. Just remember the story I told you about my cousin - they told her she was having a girl, and she went on for 4 weeks dreaming in pink, and then 4 weeks later, they said - OOPS! Sorry, we made a mistake - it's a BOY!

Here's my thoughts....I know that you love Greg w/all your heart and soul, and you have an amazingly close bond w/him. But, I do not think that you could possibly feel that you've 'raised' him or that he's like your own. I am not saying you don't have a right to your feelings....just that's a very strong thing to say, when you have never even experienced the profound love and devotion of becoming a mother yet. Trust me, you will feel so much more for YOUR own child than you did for Greg. Not to diminish (by ANY means) your love and devotion for Greg - but, just to say that IT IS different - and you cannot even begin to understand how yet until that baby is out of your belly and in your arms.

That said, I think that through your viewpoint about Greg, you might be cheating yourself out of some amazing feelings and experiences that come with raising a little boy. The bond between a mother and a son is uniquely different than that of a mother and daughter. When I was PG, my entire family was also hoping for a girl, and I totally didn't think that I'd enjoy having a little boy. But, now that Paul's here - I cannot even imagine having a girl! (Go figure) I am not saying that you will feel that way, b/c I completely understand your desire to have a little girl. I'm just saying that once that baby is here, none of these discussions will matter. A little boy loves his Mommy in such a special way - unlike the love he has for any other human being. With a little girl, I think it's very different. There's not the same connection.

Personally, I do not believe in the 'get your mind used to the idea' mindset. I think it's very sad, actually. It's as if you are mourning your child, even though (God willing) he/she is absolutely healthy, regardless of gender.

Here's my bottom line on this - just food for thought. If you and Scott have already decided that you will adopt a little girl from China, than why is this even an issue? You KNOW that you will one day have a little girl - whether it happens in November 2003, or a couple of years in the future. To me, those plans in themselves would already make up my mind NOT to find out. But, that is JMO.
to you and Scott - the baby is a blessing to your lives no matter if it's a or a .

Michele this is a very personal decision, but since you really have your heart set on a girl, then find out. You will have time to adjust if it truly is a boy or you will rejoice over your beautiful little daughter-to-be! Think of it this way - you will still be surprised when you find out, just that it will be earlier in the process and before the baby actually gets here. I know it's not the same, but it seems to be on your mind a lot so go for it!

I did say in my first post that I do feel blessed every single day and that I already love my child, regardless of the sex, health or anything of my baby I love him/her with all my heart. In fact, I didn't even care about taking any of the genetic tests because the outcome wouldn't change a thing about us having this baby.
My love for the baby is not really the issue. I know that raising a son is a wonderful, beautiful experience. I think it is more about a dream that I have had for many, many years about having a daughter.
What I mean about my little brother is that I have been a very first hand witness to all the ups and downs of raising a son. I have been included in all the day to day stuff. I dressed him in his cute overalls, played catch, watched the baseball games, etc...
We have until July 29th anyway so I cannot do anything about it right now.
Thanks for your advise.

I have no advise for you because I am facing the same situation. I just want to wish you all the best in your decision.

I want a girl, I mean I will take a healthy baby first, but I would love to have a little girl. I will be happy with whatever God blesses me with, If he was taking request it would definitely be a girl tho

This is a very personal decision. I have always felt that when I become pregnant, I don't want to know. I like the surprise element and waiting until the baby is born.
Good luck with whatever you decide. If you do decide to find out, will you share it with us too?