Maybe I should find out?

Michele, like everyone has said this is a very personal decision and not an easy one for some of us. I had always imagined the surprise of having my first child and not knowing what it was until he/she was born....although Roland was fine with not knowing, I know he really wanted to know. So on the day of my sonogram when I was asked if we wanted to know I decided to leave it up to our little one to decide. If she wanted to cooperate then we'd find out and if not oh well.
Well when the moment came and we found out we were having a little !! We were both so excited and the 'surprise' was still there we just got it a little earlier then expected. I am so glad that my little Adeline decided to let us in on her little secret.
Good luck with your decision.

Michelle- that is a very good way to look at this. If the baby wants you to know he or she will let you

I'm not PG or trying just yet, but I feel like I will be in this same predicament (G-d willing). I think it's natural for woman to dream of having a girl and a man to dream of having a son. And in no way does that imply that either would be 'diappointing' in the end.
When I think of having a child I automatically picture a girl.
My point is, I think it would help me 'adjust my thinking' if I was able to know ahead of time. I don't think the birth would be any less special if you already knew if it was a boy or girl.
If it would put your mind at ease I would definitely find out, if the little bambino cooperates that is

After giving this some thought, I feel you should be ecstaic regardless of what sex it is.

I would be so greatful just to be pregnant right now, and even though we have only tried for 2 months, it is still not easy to get pregnant.

When I see so many trying & trying, I don't think the sex should be the least concern you have.

I wish you a HEALTH baby

Jenny- I agree. I AM happy and blessed and excited. That is not really the issue at all. I don't think one person said that they ONLY wanted a girl or ONLY wanted a boy and didn't want the baby unless it is what they wanted.
It is much more complex than that.

I agre, do what you both want. I know for my first child, I dont want to know. I think it makes it more exciting to not know, and gives you more to look forward to. But this is my choice. I think you you should think it over. It is really a matter of personal preference.

If you decide to know...keep us informed

Hi Michele-

I cant give advice on finding out or not but I think that you will have the baby God intends for you to have. When that baby is in your arms, you will not care whether it's a boy or girl but will be in love like you never knew before, even with your DH. Have faith that whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. You'll see, it's about so much more. Thanks for being honest, lots of people feel like you do and the best way to get through these feelings is to discuss them

{{{MANY HUGS}}}

Michele, I don't think ANYONE said you were horrible for feeling this way. It is a confusing time, being pregnant. You feel so many things through these 10 months and most of the time, you have no explaination for any of it - except that you're pregnant!

I guess I just don't really understand the issue or confusion that you're struggling with. I don't know what answers you are hoping to hear but IMO, it's very clear - either your having a boy or a girl. It's clear that having a boy will be a disappointment for you, so if the baby is a boy, than you will adopt to help your dream become reality. Having a girl will only make your dream come true faster and you won't have to adopt. To me, you have a fool-proof plan already, and that's wonderful!

But, how will finding out early change any of that? I think that's the part I am missing. As I stated before, the 'adjust my way of thinking' argument is very morbid (JMO). It's akin to mourning the child that you wanted but didn't end up with, and I just think that is very, very sad. I think that saying you have to 'get used' to the idea of having a boy is inherently contradictory to saying that you love the baby no matter what.

Michele: I just want you to know that you are not alone.

You are not the first pregnant woman to go through this, and you will not be the last. I know that you will happy with whatever the lord blesses you with.

It a given that this will be a personal decision. Just like it's a given that the baby will be a boy or girl. Thus, I believe we can have a discussion about this without insinuating that it's right or wrong to have these feelings.

Claud- I think adjusting my way of thinking means looking at the other aisles in the stores not meaning adjusting my love for the baby. You, of most of the people on this board, also know how much I have wanted a baby for many, many years. And having a baby is a dream come true for me. This is more about if finding out would get me excited at the blue aisles when I naturally gravitate towardes the pink ones. It is about getting excited about overalls instead of dreaming of ruffled tights. It is NOT about love! I also think you are forgetting that people in my family have been wanting a little girl for many, many years.

There is also something else that I have not really discussed here much but my brother has a son with autism. I LOVE my nephew regardless of his disablity and he is a beautiful, wonderful little boy. My SIL and brother have not and continue to not deal well with his their son's autism. They just think he will 'snap' out of it and wake up one day a 'normal' child. Their son cannot play organized sports, speak more than a few words when prompted, and doesn't 'play' with other children at all. I KNOW that having my having a boy, will be harder on them. I know that they are hoping I have also have a girl. they are afraid people will compare the 2 boys, even if no one says it out loud. Of course, this is NOT a true thought or even something anyone else has thought of but they are heartbroken and don't always think logically. So, this is part of the equation for me. And it is easy to say 'Michele, you cannot worry about their them' but the truth is I KNOW that they feel this way because they told my sister! they feel that the family will start to love my child more and have more 'fun' with my child. So this just adds to my feelings too.

Elizabeth- FM back to you. Thank you again.

Natasha- thank you for your support as well.

I thought that I could share some honest feelings with my friends here but this has just turned into my having to justify my feelings and feeling bad. It is not so black & white as many of you seem to think. My real question was about if finding out the sex of your baby got you even more excited and if you thought it would help me. I guess I was hoping that one of you also had a similar experience and could tell me 'Yes Michele we found out and you know what, I changed my way of thinking and I had sooo much fun getting ready for my boy/girl even though at first I wasn't as excited.' or maybe 'I really had my heart set on boy/girl and we waited. The moment the baby was born I had forgotten all about that stuff I felt before. I am glad I didn't find out early'. Or something like that.
On a few other prego boards this is a very common topic and many of the women admit to having similar feelings. Some even admitted that their feelings on this issue went very deep and were something that took time to resolve. I am thankful that this is not the case for me. Again, love is not the issue for me, nor for the other women. I have spoken to/chatted with about this issue.There are so many layers.
I have never even considered doing gender selection type stuff like sperm washing. And that is a huge market, so that also shows that there are sooo many people out there with a gender preference.

Michele, FM!

Michele, I think you should follow your heart.


Claud-just wanted to say about the girls loving mommy being different. I love my neices as much as if they were my own children (and Im their Aunt! ). Maybe because of the twin bond, maybe simply because I am so close to my sister, but they are also as loving and connected as their brother towards me and their mommy. As far as loving their mommy (any differently than their brother), they are attached to her hip. They completey adore her, and want to be just like her. I really have never sensed a difference in gender and attachment, just being their aunt. As a matter of fact, my sister's pregnancies have all been such amazing experiences for me too, that I have such a bond with each of her kids. Its hard to compare unless you have both of your own and have seen it first hand, and even then all children are so different (and as adults, siblings can be soooo different from eachother). so thats a 'tough' statement to make .

Anna, I can totally understand where you're coming from and what you mean. But, I still disagree. When I say that a son's bond w/Mommy is different, I truly believe it is an emotional difference that grows and changes as the child does and it's not really something that you can see outwardly.

Despite the closeness of your relationship w/your sister or her kids, you are still not their Mommy, so to me that is very different too (but, in a wonderful way!) I have an *extremely* close relationship with my Mom AND my Mom's sister, so I understand the aunt bond *intimately*. I hope you know, I am not minimizing it at all...I just believe in my heart that it is not the same as Mommy.

And for the record....it's just my opinion, after all...I did not say it as a scientific fact.

I have to admit that I was secretly hoping for a girl when I was pregnant. I have such a close relationship with my mother and sister, and I just wanted a little girl to be able to do all those fun 'girlie' things with.

I DID find out what I was having when I was pregnant, and though I was A LITTLE disappointed, I never, ever went to the extreme of crying for weeks, or even a day!

Well let me tell you that I have the greatest son I could ever imagine. Not only is he adorable (OK, so maybe I'm prejudiced ) but he is the most amazing, sweetest little man (he's now 5). I would not trade my son for ANYTHING in this world. I hope to some day have another child, and let me tell you that after having my son, I would be thrilled to have another boy.

But of course, most importatnly, I hope you have a HEALTHY baby. Good luck with your decision