MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
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MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
Wow...your MIL is demanding and rude!!! She sounds like mine. I think you need to sit down with both of them and have a serious discussion about how they make decisions and about you and the baby. If you don't out this to rest now, it will get worse in the future. Good Luck!
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
I was hoping you'd respond to this Stefanie...after reading the truth about your shower....I found our inlaws were alot alike...
We have spoke before...when something really bothers me I speak up...and she dosent at all ever think she is wrong or controlling...its immediately, 'Im just try to do for you.' dont get me wrong ALOT of it is done with good intentions...
I hate to see my mom like this though....and I cant stick up for her...esp when its about my shower..ya know???
Recently FMIL left me n fh a note telling us what peditrician to use and make sure that he is covered under our insurance.... I went right to her and said... listen you dont need to leave me a note...i already looked into a dr. on our health ins. plan, dont worry im taking care of it... Im this kids mother!
well i got an attitude for a week and thats it we never spoke about it again...i got it thrown in my face once in a fight...but i dont care!
and just to add... shes so demanding of things that the dr she (i cant even use the word suggested) demanded was someone I used as a child... that was the DR I looked into...but just cuz she demanded I use him...I wanna look into other peditricians... do i sound immature??? I just dont want her to think she won and is controlling me again!
We have spoke before...when something really bothers me I speak up...and she dosent at all ever think she is wrong or controlling...its immediately, 'Im just try to do for you.' dont get me wrong ALOT of it is done with good intentions...
I hate to see my mom like this though....and I cant stick up for her...esp when its about my shower..ya know???
Recently FMIL left me n fh a note telling us what peditrician to use and make sure that he is covered under our insurance.... I went right to her and said... listen you dont need to leave me a note...i already looked into a dr. on our health ins. plan, dont worry im taking care of it... Im this kids mother!
well i got an attitude for a week and thats it we never spoke about it again...i got it thrown in my face once in a fight...but i dont care!
and just to add... shes so demanding of things that the dr she (i cant even use the word suggested) demanded was someone I used as a child... that was the DR I looked into...but just cuz she demanded I use him...I wanna look into other peditricians... do i sound immature??? I just dont want her to think she won and is controlling me again!
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
I think you have to get FH involved with this. You should tell him that you can't stand to see your Mother so upset. Tell him that you understand that his Mom is just trying to help out. But, that she is stepping on toes that she shouldn't be. Just let it be known that your Mom wants to throw the shower & felt uncomfortable that your MIL tried to TELL her how things should go & when the day should be.
I wouldn't care if she gets upset over it. I'd rather it be his mom then yours.
I wouldn't care if she gets upset over it. I'd rather it be his mom then yours.
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
I think you should have your FH talk to his mom when they are alone and just bring up in conversation that YOUR MOM is excited about planning the shower and to let YOUR MOM decide what SHE would like to do. Have him nicely tell his mom that your mom is a little on the quiet side but that he KNOWS she really wants to plan something and your MIL can help by ASKING HER what SHE WANTS to do.
There is NO reason why the two moms can't get together and plan something beautiful together with each of them playing a part.
This is a special time for everyone and nobody should be stepping on anyone's toes.
I don't think your MIL means any harm. I think she is just excited and seems like a take-charge type but she needs to step back this time and discuss this with your family so everyone can take part.
There is NO reason why the two moms can't get together and plan something beautiful together with each of them playing a part.
This is a special time for everyone and nobody should be stepping on anyone's toes.
I don't think your MIL means any harm. I think she is just excited and seems like a take-charge type but she needs to step back this time and discuss this with your family so everyone can take part.
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
is FH close to his mom? if he is then have him gently talk to her. i love my mil but she can be controlling. i don't even think she knows she is doing it. i have told her in the past to 'back off' and she gets mad at me but tellls DH not me. Thank God DH defends me! you need to address this before your little one is born because it will only get worse! i usually just get pushed and pushed then i blow up at her. Especially with my son. good luck!![]()
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
I agree, FH needs to know how his mother upset yours and he needs to talk to her. I could see if your mom was not around for her to do everything but your mom is around and very excited to throw the shower.
Want to hear about my MIL? On mother's day we had a BBQ for my family and my inlaws. Well, my MIL started talking abut the CHRISTENING! This baby is not even born yet. DH said something about it and I said unless they are footing the bill entirely, they are not planning it.
So I can understand about Inlaws too....
Good Luck!
Want to hear about my MIL? On mother's day we had a BBQ for my family and my inlaws. Well, my MIL started talking abut the CHRISTENING! This baby is not even born yet. DH said something about it and I said unless they are footing the bill entirely, they are not planning it.
So I can understand about Inlaws too....
Good Luck!
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
I can definitely relate, my MIL is totally rude and controlling. Unfortunately it has gotten much worse since the baby was born. Up till now I have tried to have my DH handle her, or I just yes her to death and do the complete opposite. However I have seen her try to bully my mom too and my mom just keeps saying over and over 'Its not for me to decide, I let them make there own decisions' ect.. It takes MANY time of my mom saying that to her for her to shut up and move on. Its hard because I know my MILs intentions are usually good, and they are very generous to us, however it does not change the fact that they cause me SO much stress. My advice is to have your DH talk to his mom, and go over with your mom some things she can say to MIL to help her stand up a bit more.
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
I would have my husband speak privately to his mother and tell her to please back off and allow your mom to plan this shower. She is your mother and she has a right to plan your baby shower. Also, he needs to remind her that YOU are this baby's mother. If a decision needs to be made about caring for your child, the child's parents will make it NOT the grandparents. Honestly, this needs to be nipped in the bud now or else it WILL get worse when the baby comes. Your MIL will be all over you about which diapers you use, how you give a bath, bf/bottle feeding, what to do when....
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
I would nip this in the bud now! Or else, your MIL will have that baby's preschool picked out the minute he/she is born. If it pisses her off, well so be it. She is totally wrong and needs to mind her own business. I would gently remind her she will be the grandparent, not the parent.
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
Posted by michele31
I would have my husband speak privately to his mother and tell her to please back off and allow your mom to plan this shower. She is your mother and she has a right to plan your baby shower. Also, he needs to remind her that YOU are this baby's mother. If a decision needs to be made about caring for your child, the child's parents will make it NOT the grandparents. Honestly, this needs to be nipped in the bud now or else it WILL get worse when the baby comes. Your MIL will be all over you about which diapers you use, how you give a bath, bf/bottle feeding, what to do when....
I agree with this 100%!!!
And by the way... I would look for a different doctor that she didn't suggest...I'm the same as you!!!
Good luck!!!
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
See Fh and his mother arent close... they get along fine but thats it... if I go to him... there will be no gentle discussion, it will be him telling her to F*** off... Im happy hes on my side, but its not going to solve anything!
There are so many things that she says or suggests that annoy me to death, but then I just remind myself.... when it comes to the end of the day, it will be me FH and the baby....I dont have to listen to her....I make the ultimate decisions.. also if I stopped giving her some much info... i think the problem wouldnt be as huge, but because we do talk and we are close... i cant help it... Ill get excited about something, Ill tell her...which leaves room for her to make a remark or give her opinion...
I dont know what the right answers are, how do you confornt this (whether it be me or Fh) w/o sounding like: well your good with the financial help, but keep the rest of your remarks to yourself...??
Im so glad, im not the only one!! Thank you so much for the help girls!!!
There are so many things that she says or suggests that annoy me to death, but then I just remind myself.... when it comes to the end of the day, it will be me FH and the baby....I dont have to listen to her....I make the ultimate decisions.. also if I stopped giving her some much info... i think the problem wouldnt be as huge, but because we do talk and we are close... i cant help it... Ill get excited about something, Ill tell her...which leaves room for her to make a remark or give her opinion...
I dont know what the right answers are, how do you confornt this (whether it be me or Fh) w/o sounding like: well your good with the financial help, but keep the rest of your remarks to yourself...??
Im so glad, im not the only one!! Thank you so much for the help girls!!!
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
Since you're close and DH is not...you should both talk to her together.
I would stop being so close to her with telling her things...because you're right, it does leave room for her unnecessary opinion.
It's tough to say 'Butt Out Already!!', but it has to be done in a nice way. Plus, if your DH is vocal with her and explains that it's him and you and not a 'trio' with her...maybe she'll get the hint.
Do it soon, before it gets worse.![]()
I would stop being so close to her with telling her things...because you're right, it does leave room for her unnecessary opinion.
It's tough to say 'Butt Out Already!!', but it has to be done in a nice way. Plus, if your DH is vocal with her and explains that it's him and you and not a 'trio' with her...maybe she'll get the hint.
Do it soon, before it gets worse.
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Re: MIL's ahhhhhhhh...Long..but help!
I totally agree with stephanie 100%
you both should go and talk to her. You need to stick up for your mom and tell her that your mom is upset and your mom is the one who is gonna throw your shower. I know what its like my FMIL is the same way she tries to get into our business all the time and FH lets her. She tries to tell me what to do with my daughter and how to do things and I don't listen to her. She has triedto control the christening party and now trying to control the wedding and I told FH he needs to stop telling her things.
Sorry I got off the subject a bit thinking of my own Monster in law but you need to stick up for your mom and put your foot down you and your DH are the parents not her and also you have a mother as well that would liketo do somethings her way and she should
you both should go and talk to her. You need to stick up for your mom and tell her that your mom is upset and your mom is the one who is gonna throw your shower. I know what its like my FMIL is the same way she tries to get into our business all the time and FH lets her. She tries to tell me what to do with my daughter and how to do things and I don't listen to her. She has triedto control the christening party and now trying to control the wedding and I told FH he needs to stop telling her things.
Sorry I got off the subject a bit thinking of my own Monster in law but you need to stick up for your mom and put your foot down you and your DH are the parents not her and also you have a mother as well that would liketo do somethings her way and she should
