Mixed reactions?!

ive been with FH for like 4.5 years before i got engaged...and i still get 'are you sureee he's the one?' 'oh congrats, but marriage *****'

dont worry...as long as you two are happy and ready... screw everyone else

Oh my gosh, sorry your dealing with all this crazy stuff at such a happy time in your life...Well I can tell you first off that many of those girls are jeleous, I dont know why most girls are but thats because you have something they dont and instead of being nice, they make comments which are not too nice.... hand in there, and try to find the positive ones to hang out.......I beleive you really find out a lot about your friends and family during the most imporant times in your life which are marriage, buying a house, having a child, getting engaged and buying a car, people react very strange sometimes.....SO SMILE, BE HAPPY YOUR GETTING MARRIED AND WILL HAVE A LIFETIME OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS, CONGRATS TO YOU, JUST KEEP THAT BIG SMILE ON YOUR FACE EVERYDAY AND YOU WILL GET THROUGH ANYTHING IN LIFE!!

To be honest, if it bothers you this much, stop being polite and say something.

Just say something along the lines of, 'You know, you make so many comments, I'm starting to feel as if you have a problem with me and FH getting married. I hope that's not true.'

If they don't stop, then you know they're not true friends.

I have one friend who was so jealous, she did the following: We went out to dinner with two of my friends and one of their boyfriends (both BMs) to tell them we got engaged. Instead of being excited for me, friend #1 said 'Let me see the ring' and when I showed it to her, instead of telling me it was nice, she shoved it in her boyfriend's face saying, 'See, honey, THIS is what a real diamond looks like.' I was mortified.

I finally just said something (something little) a few weeks later and the comments stopped. I don't think she realized how obnoxious she was really being or how much it hurt my feelings.

Everyone has an opinion. Believe me, we've all been there. Just wait till you get deep into the wedding planning, then everyone you've ever met will have something to say!

You're right - people are petty, jealous and pathetic. The good news is that you're aware of this - sometimes it takes people years to come to that realization! I honestly think that if the comments continue, you should say something. It's inappropriate and rude. But on the upside, you're getting married to the man you love - let people say and think what they like, because nothing can take that away from you.

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Posted by Kara and Todd

To be honest, if it bothers you this much, stop being polite and say something.

Just say something along the lines of, 'You know, you make so many comments, I'm starting to feel as if you have a problem with me and FH getting married. I hope that's not true.'

If they don't stop, then you know they're not true friends.

I have one friend who was so jealous, she did the following: We went out to dinner with two of my friends and one of their boyfriends (both BMs) to tell them we got engaged. Instead of being excited for me, friend #1 said 'Let me see the ring' and when I showed it to her, instead of telling me it was nice, she shoved it in her boyfriend's face saying, 'See, honey, THIS is what a real diamond looks like.' I was mortified.

I finally just said something (something little) a few weeks later and the comments stopped. I don't think she realized how obnoxious she was really being or how much it hurt my feelings.

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First off, congrats...second a big 'ditto' on what Kara said. Sometimes ppl don't realize (or care) that they are being very rude and inappropriate. I would certainly not care what ppl think who are themselves in a terrible marriage. Misery loves company, and ppl like that hate the idea that someone else has it great and they don't.

If you love each other and know he's the one, that's awesome! Ignore the nay-sayers comments and enjoy the next year and a half of planning!! If ppl start to offend you, let them know it's NOT okay to talk about your relationship like that!

I had a lot of the same from people. In all fairness, we got engaged 7 weeks after we met. One woman went so far as to give me a quiz book about how well you know your signifcant other - and I don't mean the kitschy little one in the wedding section of Borders. I'm talking the 250 page monster. I chose to establish some boundaries in response.

The only person who was unabashedly excited was my mother, which suprised the hell out of me. I wanted to think it's because she trusts my decisions and realizes that I'm a grown woman who knows her own mind. After 6 months of planning, I've realized she's just psyched about having a wedding. Oh well...whatever makes it easier.

totally sorry to hear that. we will be engaged a year on may 31st and on easter my cuzins husband said the same thing to FH and note that THEY neVER MET BEFORE!!

FH was introduced as my fiance and the guy didnt say hello...just 'Dont do it'. Like dude...u treat my cuzin horribly and u are tellin him NOT to marry me? why?


but ur first friend sounded at first like it was genuine (when im reading it) and then got a lil weird at the end.

i kno i have had the crappiest relationships..and when i met FH people would say that stuff to me..like 'im so glad you met mr right. i was prayin that you would.' I wouldnt take offense to those comments

but the others for sure id be upset with.

You know, I will never iunderstand why some people think of marriage as such a bad thing (i.e. the ball and chain and whatever). Just because your marriage is effed up does it mean that mine is. You know, any 'friend' who tries to set you up with someone while you are celebrating an engagement is not a real friend.

and for the record, anyone who thinks that marriage doesn't change things, needs a dose of reality!

I am very happy for you and I wish you all the best. Don't let these jealous people ruin it for you.

I'm so sorry to hear that you have to put up with stuff like that.

FH and I have been together for almost 8 years and we sometimes hear things like that. I oftentimes just ignore it because when you're happy and have found the one, then that's all that matters. Most of the time, people are projecting and/or are jealous. There are the few ocassions where I do say something though because it's tough to endure things like that from friends and family who are supposed to be supportive.

CONGRATS!!!

You're going to love it on here...

Now down to business..I'm so sorry that you aren't getting the support from your friends that you deserve. Some girls are just uber jealous when they see someone else being happy...others just want to give you advice as a 'married woman' because they think they know better...but don't realize that what they're saying is out of line.

I think your first friend may be trying to be nice. But that's my 'give her the benefit of the doubt' side of me. Maybe she doesn't know what to say or she's really excited and doesn't know how to express herself well? But at least she sounds open to you getting married to your FH and even if she hasn't met him maybe she hears you talk about him and sees how happy you are now that you're with him...

Your second friend sounds like she's jealous or just trying to 'look out for you' because she feels like she knows better than you. Perhaps it would be helpful to pull her aside and tell her what she's saying is hurtful and that though you know she has your best interests in mind, you'd like her to be more supportive of your engagement and marriage.

Welcome!!!

Ok so i agree with most of what was already said so i will not reiterate it. However, just to play devils advocate here since I did work for lawyers for 4 years and its sorta in my blood :)...

You said that you were together for only a few months before you got engaged and it seems that you like many of us (if not all of us) have had your share of relationships that make your friends who love you, go OYE! Not again!

That said, I would really sit back and try to be objective and look at what they said again to determine whether it was malice or just concern for their friend that wasn't voiced in the most tactful of ways. Being as you did mention immediately that you and your FH (congrats to you both btw :) ) were only together for a few months, could it be possible you were already a little wary about their recations and then misinterpreted some of what was said? I am not saying they were not tactless. I am just saying sometimes when we are tense or unsure about something ourselves, we are quicker to jump on the defensive if we think someone is 'messing with us.'

This is why I saying this...(WARNING! LOOONG Stroy lol but has relevance to the situation)

My friend, well former friend at this point, has been engaged 4 times-each time the guy broke it off after months of dragging out the engagemet. She is a good person at heart but she is sporatic in her emotions and behaviors. I know this about her from being her friend for a long time and I know she deserves a good guy, but I also know she's always attracted men who live even deeper in the sewers than the guys I attracted before my FH. So as a result, myself and the restof her friends tend to be protective of her because we want her to be happy and she just is lousy at making smart relationship choices.

So anyaway, there was this guy who always had a thing for her. He was a friend of her sister's. We will rename him 'Tom' for the sake of the story. Anyway, he claimed to be in love with her since they were kids but she told me after knowing him half her life she was like hell no. he is a brother to me. Said she didnt find him attractive, appealing, etc. So last August, she was telling me she was depressed because she was 30 years old and had no prospects of love, marriage or kids, all of which she wanted. I made a joke of, 'Well if Tom ever cleans up his act, he might make a good propsect. He adores you and you know he's always around.'

She snorted and said, 'NEVER will happen. I can't ever see him that way.'

Also, let us note 'Tom' had a g/f at this point-of something like 9 years. Supposedly she was terrible to him and he wanted out but 'felt sorry for her.' At which i say, cynical as it sounds, 'NINE years because you feel sorry for someone? *** is wrong with you that you don't feel more respect for yourself if you are so miserable living with wickedness and a bad perm?'

I said 'well if he ever cleans up his act, loses the girl and learns to be a man, I think he could be good for you. You guys have a good time when you see one another.'

She vehemently said no, even going so far as to call him 'my sister's friend and GOD I CANNOT imagine sleeping with him. It's...icky.'

Ok so we dropped it. ONE WEEK LATER I call her and guess who is over? YEP. Tom. A week and a half later, she is gushing about how he broke up with his g/f and now she's all into him and she never thought it could be like this. he's scuh and I quote 'a man now.'

When my jaw hit the floor, she got angry with me, accusing me of 'wanting to deny her chance at real happiness.'

I said, 'WHAT? I am the one that told you to go for him but don't you think its a bit fast? He has been ina relationship with the same girl for 9 years and now he just jumped right to you. What happened to wanting him to prove he really wanted you and to be a man?'

She got angrier, refusing to listen to reason about how I just wanted her to be careful. We ended ona s our note with me trying to make a joke along the lines of 'well sounds like we should be expecting a wedding soemtime soon.' She snapped, 'Don't be ridiclous' and we hung up.

Guess who was engaged the very next weekend....

I didnt find out from her. We never spoke again. I found out from a mutual friend.

Now, I never said anything mean to her. I SUGGESTED THE GUY for crying out loud. But she was so against even considering him and then she's engaged less than a month later? I wouldnt have even been that concerned if this wasn't her 5th engagement. This sounds terrible and mean and I KNOW this does not apply to our original poster, but if you have been engaged 5 times and someone else has always broken off the engagements, don't you think concerned friends WOULD express worry and gently urge you just to make sure its what you really want? I mean if Tom makes her happy, then I'm happy. But to have her drop a friendship because I was hell, a friend?!

I know I digressed alot, but hsi is basically what I am saying: Take a good hard look at yourself as well as at your friends behavior. Some of them might be jealous, sure, especially if they are single and unhappy about it. Or if they are in a abd marriage. FH and I have gotten a few of those comments from miserable married folks and we take them with a grain of salt.

Other friends of yours like the first one you mentioned, might just be concerned about your happiness because they love you, so before you write them off as being women who don't care about you and your happiness, sit them down and talk to them.

I try :) Watch Dr. Phil. :

FH and i dated for 5 months before we got engaged, and we are going to married before we hit our 1 yr anniversary.

All my friends are freaking out saying its too fast etc. Honestly, if you know hes the one, why wait?! I wouldnt let it get to ya...Its tough though, and youre not alone!!!

If ya ever need to vent, i know exactly what youre going through!

1st congrats on your engagement! Personally, I agree with you. It doesn't matter how long you know somebody...when you know, you know. I didn't even go out on our first date with FH and I knew he was 'the one'.

I'm going to digress here too. One of my BM's is engaged to a guy she's been dating for a while. He treats her like crap. He's rude to everyone and when he does open his mouth, he's obnoxious. She was always the girl that wanted to do couple things but once she started dating him, she never wanted to do stuff. We realized that its less stressful for her to not have him there. Nobody was thrilled when she got engaged. My friend is the nicest, most giving, beautiful person you could meet and she deserves way better. That being said, after we had a party and he called her a toolbox in front of everyone, we spoke to her about him and she distanced herself from us. She clearly didn't want to hear it. So now we don't say anything which I think makes me a crappy friend but at the same time, I don't want to lose her friendship. She's a big girl.

So I agree with Peteysbride with what she said about being objective. Your friends love you and should only be looking out for your best interests. If you suspect otherwise, that's a different story. Maybe b/c they don't know your FH they are questioning him. Give them a chance to get to know him. Good luck!

It's also an interesting to see how people overall view marriage. Those with good experiences hug you and are all chipper, and those with bad experiences (either personally, or their parents) view it like a death, or avoid the situation completely. I've received almost every RSVP by now.... except from one friend. He has always had 'issues' with marriage, and weddings in general. While normally a happy guy, he gets all grumbly when someone discusses a wedding (they're annoying) or marriage (why do it?)

Today we booked an extra room for an uncle at our local hotel, and after I mentioned we have a block of rooms for our wedding guests he exclaimed 'Now why would you mess up your life and get married? Don't do it!' FH and I just shrugged it off.

It's fine... their reactions frequently have more to do with themselves than with you or your relationship

congrats

Some reactions are definitely based on people's opinions and/or experiences with marriage.

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Posted by PeteysBride

I try :) Watch Dr. Phil. :

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Me, too. Watch my impersonation:

'How's that workin' for ya'?' (I'm good, right?)