MOH problem (long)

MOH problem (long)

I haven't really posted much on the boards, but I've read alot of your posts and they have helped me in the past. My MOH hasn't really done much to help me through this whole time that I've been planning my wedding. She really never seemed that interested in it. Then she turned the corner and seemed like she was into it. But that only lasted a day (maybe) I'm not expecting her to do back flips or anything, just wanted her to seem interested in things, like my bridesmaids are. Well I went out with one of my bridesmaids tonight and she slipped out that my MOH hasn't done anything for my shower. She took a ride once with them to look at a place, but thats it. She told me that my BM Lynn has done most of it. I've known that my MOH hasn't really done much, but I never said anything, now my wedding is 8 weeks away and I don't want her as my MOH anymore, she really has let me down in the fact that I guess I expected to much from her, even though I really didn't. I feel I made a mistake in who I asked to be my MOH, I've told my BM Lynn that I should of asked her because with out her I don't know what I would have done. She's been there for me and has done so much to help me, I feel she did things my MOH should of done. What do I do? Please Help

Re: MOH problem (long)

I am sorry about your situation...I have the SAME situation myself! My MOH is my younger sister, and I feel like she does not care to discuss the wedding plans, et. with me...and my other BMs are pretty much the same except for one. This one BM planned and paid for my entire shower - my MOH did not even offer to chip in! I don't know what I would do without my one caring BM - she is the only one who seems to be excited for me and cares to talk about things with me! And I wish I could go back and do it all over...I know my MOH is my sister, but I would not have asked her to be MOH - I would ask my BM. Unfortunately for me, my MOH is my sister, and I think that it would cause too many problems to change this now. I did explain my feelings to my one BM though, and it made me feel a bit better knowing that she knew how much I appreciated her, etc. It seems a little too late to switch things now anyways - Maybe you could plan something special (lunch, spa day, etc.) for you and the one BM to 'thank' her and let her know how you feel? Maybe get her a special little gift?

Re: MOH problem (long)

I wouldn't 'rock the boat' at this point, however, in your wedding programs you can do a Special Thanks especially to her (or a little toast at the wedding if you got it in you) letting her know all she's done for you and how you appreciate it.

Re: MOH problem (long)

Re: MOH problem (long)

also, maybe a nicer bridal party gift for the BM that did more

Re: MOH problem (long)

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had a similar situation myself and it can be very painful.

I agree that demoting the MOH will cause nothing but trouble. If she's been this uninterested, a demotion might make her pull out of the bridal party altogether.

But I agree that promoting your BM to MOH would be wonderful. You can have to MOHs. A lot of people are doing it lately.

Good luck to you!

KarenM

Re: MOH problem (long)

Thanks for giving me some advice. It ****s to feel this way, but I think that I'm going to do alittle something extra for my BM that has done everything. My MOH will back out totally if I demote her or even promote my BM because she'll know that I'd rather have her, and I'd probably lose her as a friend too, so I decided to just leave it how it is, all she has to do is walk down the aisle by herself and dance with the groom I'm not having her do anything special so she'll have the title MOH but she and everyone else knows that she doesn't deserve it.

Re: MOH problem (long)

I guess I have the worst situation of all! I already have two MOHs and they're both my younger sisters and they both have not done a thing! (except for the fact that they changed their mind about the dresses a million times that I can't finalize my BM dresses!) To make things worse, one of my sisters got engaged is planning to get married next year! How pathetic is it to end up organizing my own shower ?

Re: MOH problem (long)

i have the same exact problem with my little sister (MOH).... there is nothing shy of a total lack of interest in my wedding.......

Re: MOH problem (long)

I have 2 MOH's. One is my no care in the world sister and the second is actually my matron who is my best friend. My sister is so into herself and she is not at the age to know what being a MOH is all about. My matron on the other hand is a newleywed.
I would def. do something special for your BM that has helped you so much. But I don't think you should make an announcement about it since your MOH may get hurt. Do something more privately with your BM instead. A spa is def. a great idea. It will help you too to relax before the big day
I would suggest you talk to your MOH after the wedding and let her know your true feelings. Honestly, she may not know what she is doing. One of my BM's was like this. I confronted her about it and she had no idea she was not helping me. How could she not realize it? I sent all the BM's an e-mail about dress shopping and I KNOW for a fact she read it and never responded. It took her a second e-mail from me to respond!
But you should speak to your MOH b/c the worst is to hold it all inside as long as I did. I felt so much better when I let her know how I felt.
Good Luck I know its hard.

Re: MOH problem (long)

i agree with the idea of a spa. take her out one day after you get back from your honeymoon. you can let her know of it ahead of time.