Brides Helping Brides ™ - MOH vent

nlp Posted: Jan 21, 2003 10:55 AM

MOH vent

Ok, so let me start by staying that since the year 1999, all I have been doing is planniing for my MOH. She got married in 2000 ( I threw her a bridal shower and hosted a bachelorete party in Florida). In 2001 she had a baby ( she got pregnant shortly after her wedding) and bought a house. So that year I was helping her move and planning a baby shower. So as far as I'm concerned that last three years have been about her. I told all my BMs that I did not want any pregnant MBs in the bridal party. I know that sounds unreasonable but this is how I felt. So my MOH tells me yesterday that she thinks she might be pregnant. She was pretty ****ed that I would expect her to plan her life around my wedding. I was ****ed that she couldn't wait 6 freakin months to get pregnant. I know it should not matter but as selfish as it may seem I just wanted a couple of months to be about me and not her and her next adventure. Not to mention that she was miserable to be around when she was pregnant the first time. I don't know....I'm just annoyed. I know I'll realize that her getting pregnant is really none of my business but I have to be honest, I'm a bit annoyed!

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:01 AM

Re: MOH vent

Can't you have someone else?

I wouldn't want a pREGO MOH either!!!

Good luck!!

Sassyz75 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:02 AM

Re: MOH vent

I understand how you may feel, but I don't think any bride has a right to say, you can be in my bridal party but no pregnancies... that's sort of a bridezilla thing to say. I don't know what the situation is- but sometimes couples take a while to get pregnant, or they are planning their family in a special way.. so I don't think you can say, don't plan your life or try to have a family because I'm getting married. JMO.

Ronnie&Theresa Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:05 AM

Re: MOH vent

I think its my wedding and I DON'T want anyone PREGO in my BP..

All of my bm's are single except for my cousin who is the BM from hell.

If she dares tells me she is PG she can take her Butt out of it.. I don't want her in my pics no less be PG in my pics..

Its my DAY and that is what I want!

Sassyz75 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:10 AM

Re: MOH vent

I'm sorry, but I think that's selfish- what next, only attractive people can be in the pictures.. If my MOH told me she was pregnant and was going to be a little chubbier than normal I would be pysched for her b/c pregnancy is a beautiful thing and I want my friends to be happy. just because someone is pregnant doesn't mean that a BM or MOH can't plan or be there for you.
But then again- I'm treating the wedding like a party for us and our friends to celebrate- not an orchestrated gala of debutants or a broadway show... whatever will be comfortable for them to share in our joy is fun- but I would never impose rules or restrictions.. that is not what a party is about.

allure Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:12 AM

Re: MOH vent

If she is a true friend which im sure she is because she is your moh she will not make this planning about her she will do everything a moh should do.Look at it this way you dont know yet if she is pg and so what if she is you are still getting married and it will be your time.It could be worse dont let this get in the way of a friendship true friends are hard to come by good luck with everything!

Betty Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:13 AM

Re: MOH vent

I wouldn't care either. I would probably be happier if they weren't pregnant but I would never tell them they CAN'T be...I would never want anyone to do that to me. JMO

ChristineC68 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:20 AM

Re: MOH vent

I agree with Betty, I wouldn't want someone to ask me to put my life on hold. It would kind of be like her saying I am having a baby so plan your wedding around my pregnancy.

Sage10.03 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:24 AM

Re: MOH vent

This will be your day regardless if your MOH is prego or not. I understand your wanting to make sure she is able to fulfill her 'duties' as your MOH, but be happy for her!!! She is obviously an important part of your life and a very dear friend and you should be thrilled that she is going to be a mom again.
Remember that not everyone can put their lives on hold for our weddings and at least she still wants to be your MOH and be there for you.
Try and see that your friendship is far more important than you being upset over her being PG.

JMO

CatchI22 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:27 AM

Re: MOH vent

personally, my sister was my MOH and was 5 months pregnant when I was married. Although I was a big miffed for like a bit when she told me, I mean sure it's my day but it's HER LIFE and if she wanted to have a baby then so be it! Luckily the dress I picked sold maternity versions.
ETA Sassy, bridezilla, funny!!

karen32 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:29 AM

Re: MOH vent

This is a hard one - my MOH is my cousin and my best friend. She was due the end of June - 4 months before the wedding. She miscarried and now the doctors have told her to wait until March to try again. If all goes well - she'll be 8 1/2 mos prego at my wedding.

I would never even think of asking her to step down - I picked her because she is someone SPECIAL in my life - prego or not. Yes - in a perfect world all of my BM's would wear the same dress - that's not going to happen.

I think there are worse things in life than a prego BM. I think its unfair to ask someone to hold off having children.

JMO!!!!

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:29 AM

Re: MOH vent

I can understanding not wanting a preg. BM or MOH if it would be difficult for them - i.e. LONG ceremony and their health forbids them from standing for long periods of time -or to be under any stress - but I would assume you asked your MOH because it means a lot to you to have her there to help you celebrate your special day. If you asked her for some other reason then maybe you want to reconsider for those reasons and not because she is pregie.
JMO sorry.

WishCandy Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:30 AM

Re: MOH vent

I'm with T... I wouldn't want a PG MOH either. How is she supposed to plan a bachelorette party and everything if she can't be around certain things like smoke, etc. Because then you know you're not going out and partying it up. It will also be altering other things as well. for ex. how big she will be - she may not be able to wear the dresses that the bride wanted all the girls to wear. the girl may even have her due date around that time - so, you'll have to worry about her not even being there at all.
I totally understand where she is coming from and
I think she has the right to do whatever she wants -JMO

NovemberSue Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:31 AM

Re: MOH vent

I don't think its fair of you to expect someone to put their life on hold for six months for you. Some people take a long time to get pg.You should be happy for your friend.If you are uncomfortable with her being in the bridal party now, you can have her do a reading or something.Its still your day.She can help in other ways.

Sassyz75 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:48 AM

Re: MOH vent

My friends aren't expendable... if I asked them to be in my bridal party or to be my MOH that means they are super super important to me.. I wouldn't let a pregnancy get between me & my friends ... i don't care if my friend would have to wear a puke green pregnancy dress- i would STILL want her in my pictures.... and I would also go so far as to have a separate activity for her so she wouldn't be bothered at the bachlorette.

dkga1026 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:58 AM

Re: MOH vent

i'm sorry, but i agree with sassy on this....your MOH doesn't have to be at the 'smoky bar' bachelorette...you can do something else with her...just let the rest of your BP know about her condition and then they can do more of the work/planning that she won't be able to do

WithThisRing Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:58 AM

Re: MOH vent

I just found out my matron is pregnant and is due mid september. Our wedding is next year mid september. I told her in all fun that she can not be pregnant for my wedding. I need my drinking buddy and i need her to plan my bachelorette party and be up at the bar with me doing shots. she said she would wait to have a second child until after the wedding because being pregnant and being there for me will become very overwhelming and this is the best time of my life and she wants to be apart of it. I was just having fun with it, but she was serious in saying she will not be pregnant for my wedding because she wants to enjoy every moment of it.

i think its really unfair that your MOH couldnt wait a little longer. its your wedding and its all about you. you are the bride. its all about you.

Misty Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:59 AM

Re: MOH vent

My sister-in-law announced her pregnancy 2 weeks before we went for bm dresses, and she is due 4 weeks before my wedding. Not only do I not care that she is pregnant and may not fit into her gown..I'd let her walk down the aisle in a kimono if that's what she felt comfortable in. This is about friendship, family, and having the people you love and love you stand up for you at your wedding. They cared enough about you to say yes. Granted the time before you get married is one that you need a lot of attention, and are entitled to it, but asking that no one get pregnant or live their lives as they normally would is way out of line, no matter what the situation.

Honestly, there are beautiful gowns available for pregnant women, and most designers know how to deal with this type of situation. Let this roll off your back, and enjoy the time you have with your friend for something as special as this. There is a way to handle any situation that may arise no matter what it is.

WithThisRing Posted: Jan 21, 2003 12:08 PM

Re: MOH vent

I asked in all fun that my matron not be pregnant because this is my drinking buddy. this is the girl who will be planning my bachelorette party and i want her to have just as much fun as me. I was all kidding and she was the one who was serious and told me she will not be pregnant for my wedding because she wants to be there with me, toast me, and have fun with me.

I think asking someone to just wait a little there is nothing wrong. I see it as looking out for there best interest. this person wouldnt be able to drink, may be tired, may not be able to be as involved as the other girls, etc...but if she happens to become pregnant i wouldnt be mad or angry i would look at it as a blessing and be happy for her.

farah416 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 12:17 PM

Re: MOH vent

Maybe you could ask another BM to step up and be co-MOH. That would take the pressure off of your pregnant MOH and honor the other person who will be helping out in a big way... Just a thought