MOH vent

So im kinda annoyed...
and i might come off as a bit selfish here, but let me explain...
ok from day one my MOH hasnt quite been the best MOH!! she was going thru alot in her life! got preggers, and married an A-hole! now is misreable because she knows he is an A-hole just i think is in denial about it. and once the baby comes i cant see it getting anybetter!!

So yeah she didnt do a thing in planning my shower! she just went along with my SIL who pretty much took control! Everyone told me i needed to kick her out, but im not like that! Why should i add to her being depressed about everything by kicking her out of MOH spot! So I gave her a second try and still nothing...asked her to come with me places she cant! my fittings she didnt make because she was having a fight with her stupid husband!
Altho shes been somewhat better these days its just not MOH standards! (and i say better only because she calls me every now and then, havent seen her since her wedding wich was may 3rd)

Ok so my Bachelorette party is coming up! now i get that she will be 8 months preggo. but hearing that shes not coming kinda hurts!
maybe if she were the one planning it or even helping plan it i wouldnt be so upset!
but you didnt plan and now your not coming, and you are my MOH?

sorry i just had to vent!! because i really am regreting asking her to be my MOH in the first place! and to me when she makes a speech at the wedding is all going to be crap!

i am sooo sorrry that just stinks.. try to focus on the people that make you happy ,

I went through some similiar things with my MOH.

You need to ask her if she REALLY wants to be your MOH. And you also NEED to explain waht being the MOH entails and what she would have to do for it... then after she hears all those things... she can make a decision.

I wrote my MOH a lOOOOONG letter... and it was like 'I need MOH who is going to be pleasant to be around, I Need a MOH who is going to be able to communiate effectively with the other girls, etc etc.' Then at the end I said... if you feel these are things you can handle then awesome... but if you feel you can't I promise I will not fault you for it.. but I NEED TO KNOW NOW. I also gave her the option of being a BM or not in it at all.

I think you need to do something similiar. Good Luck!!

If there's one thing I'd change... it's picking out my bridal party way too soon. I should have waited at least 8 months to pick them out. But I can't go back in time. You can only work with what you have at this moment and make the best of it!

Well...I would look at it this way. She is your MOH because she is someone that is special to you. Even though you have strong opinions on what is going on in her life, I think the best thing you can do is support her. I know that right now you feel like the focus should be on you because she is your MOH, but she does have a lot of things going on in her life. I would just continue to support her and be there as a friend. Still ask her to do things with you but try not to let her know you are upset if she can't. As for her not coming to your Bachelorette party....I can totally understand why she wouldn't want to be in a crowded place 8 months pregnant. Are you going out to dinner before? If so, ask her to just come to dinner because you understand why she doesn't want to be in a crowded place but that you really would like her to be there in any way she can.

JMO...HTH!

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Posted by nraboni

Well...I would look at it this way. She is your MOH because she is someone that is special to you. Even though you have strong opinions on what is going on in her life, I think the best thing you can do is support her. I know that right now you feel like the focus should be on you because she is your MOH, but she does have a lot of things going on in her life. I would just continue to support her and be there as a friend. Still ask her to do things with you but try not to let her know you are upset if she can't. As for her not coming to your Bachelorette party....I can totally understand why she wouldn't want to be in a crowded place 8 months pregnant. Are you going out to dinner before? If so, ask her to just come to dinner because you understand why she doesn't want to be in a crowded place but that you really would like her to be there in any way she can.

JMO...HTH!

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ita

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Posted by nraboni

Well...I would look at it this way. She is your MOH because she is someone that is special to you. Even though you have strong opinions on what is going on in her life, I think the best thing you can do is support her. I know that right now you feel like the focus should be on you because she is your MOH, but she does have a lot of things going on in her life. I would just continue to support her and be there as a friend. Still ask her to do things with you but try not to let her know you are upset if she can't. As for her not coming to your Bachelorette party....I can totally understand why she wouldn't want to be in a crowded place 8 months pregnant. Are you going out to dinner before? If so, ask her to just come to dinner because you understand why she doesn't want to be in a crowded place but that you really would like her to be there in any way she can.

JMO...HTH!

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I just read your post after replying with similar MOH problems. Thank you!!!! Your post made me think about why I chose her and why I want her standing up for us. If she doesn't know how to be a MOH so what, she is there for so many other reasons not for her MOH skills.

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Posted by jmbc2377

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Posted by nraboni

Well...I would look at it this way. She is your MOH because she is someone that is special to you. Even though you have strong opinions on what is going on in her life, I think the best thing you can do is support her. I know that right now you feel like the focus should be on you because she is your MOH, but she does have a lot of things going on in her life. I would just continue to support her and be there as a friend. Still ask her to do things with you but try not to let her know you are upset if she can't. As for her not coming to your Bachelorette party....I can totally understand why she wouldn't want to be in a crowded place 8 months pregnant. Are you going out to dinner before? If so, ask her to just come to dinner because you understand why she doesn't want to be in a crowded place but that you really would like her to be there in any way she can.

JMO...HTH!

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I just read your post after replying with similar MOH problems. Thank you!!!! Your post made me think about why I chose her and why I want her standing up for us. If she doesn't know how to be a MOH so what, she is there for so many other reasons not for her MOH skills.

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Glad to have been able to help!

Sorry that you have to deal with this. My MOH will be almost nine months pregnant at my B-party -I tried to plan something that she could participate in and she told me today that she may not come. I know she has to do what is best for herself and the baby but I am a little bummed that she may miss it. I understand that you are disappointed but try to be a little bit understanding.

Thanks girls for listening and for your advice...

I told you i would sound selfish!! but its weird because i am selfish but at the same time i would never want her to come!! i would never want her to put the baby in jeopardy overy my bachelorette party!

I just wish that she would realize and be the friend i need her to be to support me and be there for me because ive been nothing but there for her thru everything, present and past!
You guys are right i did chose her for a reason and i wouldnt wanna ever demote her! but a girl can wish that she would just realize on her own that she needs to start doing a better job!

I am bummed she will miss the party, but im going to mention to my SIL that i want a dinner to that way she can be part of some of it!

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Posted by jmbc2377

Oh I feel you 10000%. I only have my friend (MOH), my niece (8 yrs old) and FH's niece as FG (7 yrs old). My MOH didn't help with my shower, my Mom planned it. I found out a couple of weeks ago that she is pregnant. I am extremely happy for her, but am bummed at the same time for my own selfish reasons. It's not like my 8 yr old niece is going to step up and fill her shoes - lol. At this point I don't know if I'm having a bachelorette party, she is having morning sickness so I can't expect her to put anything together let alone go out for a night - but if I want to do something I'll just put it together. I've been told everything about my shower because my mother doesn't have anyone else to talk to about it and I feel bad for her because she wanted things to be a surprise. I know everything will work out and at the end of the day I'm marrying the man of my dreams, but it still stinks.

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Wait, I'm sorry but this is ridiculous -- she is pregnant so she can't plan a bachelorette party??? And she can't go out bc of her morning sickness? Since when did pregnancy become an excuse to everything and anything you don't feel like doing. I have never been pregnant so I probably shouldn't be talking but come on I know plenty of people who work right up until they give birth and do everything they have to do and take care of their other kids at the same time. There is no reason she can't be a good friend just bc she is pregnant JMO

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Posted by Margarita

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Posted by jmbc2377

Oh I feel you 10000%. I only have my friend (MOH), my niece (8 yrs old) and FH's niece as FG (7 yrs old). My MOH didn't help with my shower, my Mom planned it. I found out a couple of weeks ago that she is pregnant. I am extremely happy for her, but am bummed at the same time for my own selfish reasons. It's not like my 8 yr old niece is going to step up and fill her shoes - lol. At this point I don't know if I'm having a bachelorette party, she is having morning sickness so I can't expect her to put anything together let alone go out for a night - but if I want to do something I'll just put it together. I've been told everything about my shower because my mother doesn't have anyone else to talk to about it and I feel bad for her because she wanted things to be a surprise. I know everything will work out and at the end of the day I'm marrying the man of my dreams, but it still stinks.

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Wait, I'm sorry but this is ridiculous -- she is pregnant so she can't plan a bachelorette party??? And she can't go out bc of her morning sickness? Since when did pregnancy become an excuse to everything and anything you don't feel like doing. I have never been pregnant so I probably shouldn't be talking but come on I know plenty of people who work right up until they give birth and do everything they have to do and take care of their other kids at the same time. There is no reason she can't be a good friend just bc she is pregnant JMO

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im not agreeing with what shes doing is right but i would never want to plan a party for someone and not attend it and not for selfish reasons but simply because i wouldnt want to be responsible if they are not having a good time or something doesnt work out and im not even there to fix it because im 8 months pregnant and home
just my opinion

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Posted by lilmartha59

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Posted by Margarita

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Posted by jmbc2377

Oh I feel you 10000%. I only have my friend (MOH), my niece (8 yrs old) and FH's niece as FG (7 yrs old). My MOH didn't help with my shower, my Mom planned it. I found out a couple of weeks ago that she is pregnant. I am extremely happy for her, but am bummed at the same time for my own selfish reasons. It's not like my 8 yr old niece is going to step up and fill her shoes - lol. At this point I don't know if I'm having a bachelorette party, she is having morning sickness so I can't expect her to put anything together let alone go out for a night - but if I want to do something I'll just put it together. I've been told everything about my shower because my mother doesn't have anyone else to talk to about it and I feel bad for her because she wanted things to be a surprise. I know everything will work out and at the end of the day I'm marrying the man of my dreams, but it still stinks.

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Wait, I'm sorry but this is ridiculous -- she is pregnant so she can't plan a bachelorette party??? And she can't go out bc of her morning sickness? Since when did pregnancy become an excuse to everything and anything you don't feel like doing. I have never been pregnant so I probably shouldn't be talking but come on I know plenty of people who work right up until they give birth and do everything they have to do and take care of their other kids at the same time. There is no reason she can't be a good friend just bc she is pregnant JMO

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im not agreeing with what shes doing is right but i would never want to plan a party for someone and not attend it and not for selfish reasons but simply because i wouldnt want to be responsible if they are not having a good time or something doesnt work out and im not even there to fix it because im 8 months pregnant and home
just my opinion

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Everything will work out...she is totally off the hook