Mom Killing Wedding....

My Mother is making my wedding planning HELL!!! I am the first of three daughters and was expecting her to be a little more enthusiastic about things...However...
The first time I went to try on dresses, she called to tell me she 'might not be able to make the appt, because it's a really nice day and me and your father would like to go golfing'. They ended up making it, but we were an hour and a half late - they went golfing anyway.
We went to order my bridesmaid dresses on Saturday, and I ended up feeling soo guilty about everything I had chosen. The dresses were only $160.00 - and very pretty and forgiving for everyone - but Mom hated them and didn't understand why I couldn't go with the dresses she liked.
I have spoken to her about this, yelled to her about this and cried to her about this - Nothing will get through to her!!! She doesn't think she's doing anything wrong and she is ruining ALL of this for me. It ***** to have her just not care...
It would be nice to have SOMEONE be excited about things with me, but - I guess this is just wedding planning...

ADVICE ANYONE?!?

Sounds like someone needs to shake mom and tell her that she's acting like a big baby....Maybe one of your sisters or a close aunt or grandma can talk to her and tell her that you really would appreciate it if she showed some more interest in your wedding and the things you've chosen...I know yelling about it isn't gonna work, but maybe if you had someone else kinda give her the nudge and let her know that its really upsetting you, maybe then she'll get the hint!
Otherwise, maybe try the cold shoulder? Maybe if she sees you aren't bothering to invite her to things and asking her opinion, maybe then she'll be more interested...sometime using reverse psychology works!
Sorry to hear you are getting so upset, you have to remember that when this is all over you will be married to the love of your life!! Remember, if you are happy with the dresses (or anything for your wedding!), then who cares! It's your wedding so don't let anyone else rain on your happiness!

i'm sorry that you're having such a hard time with your mom! my mother and i butt heads often, and one person that is always my saving grace is my sister! she is able to be a (mostly) non-biased third party, and she can talk to my mom and help her understand why she is being so crazy! haha its never me....

talk to your sisters and see if they can help your mom understand that this is the most exciting time in your life, and she should be your biggest cheerleader!

good luck!

Wow - you sound just like me. My mom isn't really into the planning either - she doesnt' want to have anything to do with the guest list, menu, etc. etc. The only input she did have was about the venue (after we booked it - she wanted to change the location of the wedding).

I know it is hard and disappointing. My fiance is always telling me, 'well, just don't involve your mom', but that is easier said than done.

Cheer up though - in some ways it is better than having too much input from mom.

Im sorry you are going thru this-but I think alot of brides get this feeling from their moms. I know that when my ILs got married it was a very different time, and as much as they always helped there were things that are different today then they were then.

Not to say this is her excuse, alot of parents feel that their opinion should matter and that they SHOULD have final say, just let her know that this day is very important to you and you hope that she will be able to enjoy it TOO!!!

I am so sorry this is happening but just remember that this is YOUR day!! I had a friend tell me that and it was one of the most valuable pieces of advice that anybody has given me. I was having similar problems with my bridal party. No one like anything, the style the color or whatever. It was really frustrating!! I listened to my friend and picked what I wanted and I try not to let any of the comments bother me!! Since I keep telling myself that this is MY day wedding planning has been a little better. HTH

I am so sorry to hear how she is acting. I hope she becomes more supportive in your wedding decisions as your day draws nearer

I'm surprised about the negative comments made in response to the way your mother has behaving.

Did anyone stop to think that maybe mom is having issues dealing with the fact that you're her daughter and getting married - which equates (to some parents) their child is leaving them.

Weddings are very overwhelming, for EVERYONE involved. I do not think your mother is being a baby, and I think she's scared to 'loose you.'

I went through the same thing as you, and after fight after fight (to the point where I left my mother stranded in Washington Heights right before my dress fitting) - I finally realized that she was so scared of letting me go.

My suggestion is to sit down one on one, perhaps take her to a nice brunch, and tell her what you expect of her before, during, after the wedding. That you'll be her daughter forever and that right now, you have a lot on your plate, and you want her to help you, Keep her involved, and I promise you...it'll pass. COMPROMISE.

Good Luck!

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

I'm surprised about the negative comments made in response to the way your mother has behaving.

Did anyone stop to think that maybe mom is having issues dealing with the fact that you're her daughter and getting married - which equates (to some parents) their child is leaving them.

Weddings are very overwhelming, for EVERYONE involved. I do not think your mother is being a baby, and I think she's scared to 'loose you.'

I went through the same thing as you, and after fight after fight (to the point where I left my mother stranded in Washington Heights right before my dress fitting) - I finally realized that she was so scared of letting me go.

My suggestion is to sit down one on one, perhaps take her to a nice brunch, and tell her what you expect of her before, during, after the wedding. That you'll be her daughter forever and that right now, you have a lot on your plate, and you want her to help you, Keep her involved, and I promise you...it'll pass. COMPROMISE.

Good Luck!

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I agree with much of this, but also have to add some mothers ARE just very controlling so you cannot make judgements one way or the other if you don't know this woman's mom personally...

But most brides I think feel this way-Happened with me and my mom. I tried talking to ehr as the above poster suggested and didn't work for us because she is unfortunately, one of those people whom the world must resolve around; the chronic martyr/victim when it suits her.

She didn't MEAN to make my planning and wedding hell...Its just the way she is. She didnt change her behavior just because it was my wedding. I just took it more to heart because I expected she WOULD change for this one event.

Thats generally not the case. If your mom is anything like my mom, she IS scared of lossing you and wants desperately to help but doesnt know how and because she refuses to admit her feeling, she 'acts out.'


Just remember she loves you AND you're the first girl as I was...People geta little crazy about that because it is exciting.

Maybe give ehr tasks to do: i told my MOh to allow my mom full control over my bridal shower even though my MOH knew my tastes better; it allowed her something to use her nervous energy towards. and show her the things you're planning. If she gets mad that you're not doing it 'her way' gently remind her you love her and cherish her opinion but she raised you to be independent and this is the way you'd like to do things.

You'll developa thicker skin-I know it is hard though! FM me if ya want ta vent.

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Posted by PeteysBride


I agree with much of this, but also have to add some mothers ARE just very controlling so you cannot make judgements one way or the other if you don't know this woman's mom personally...

But most brides I think feel this way-Happened with me and my mom. I tried talking to ehr as the above poster suggested and didn't work for us because she is unfortunately, one of those people whom the world must resolve around; the chronic martyr/victim when it suits her.

She didn't MEAN to make my planning and wedding hell...Its just the way she is. She didnt change her behavior just because it was my wedding. I just took it more to heart because I expected she WOULD change for this one event.

Thats generally not the case. If your mom is anything like my mom, she IS scared of lossing you and wants desperately to help but doesnt know how and because she refuses to admit her feeling, she 'acts out.'


Just remember she loves you AND you're the first girl as I was...People geta little crazy about that because it is exciting.

Maybe give ehr tasks to do: i told my MOh to allow my mom full control over my bridal shower even though my MOH knew my tastes better; it allowed her something to use her nervous energy towards. and show her the things you're planning. If she gets mad that you're not doing it 'her way' gently remind her you love her and cherish her opinion but she raised you to be independent and this is the way you'd like to do things.

You'll developa thicker skin-I know it is hard though! FM me if ya want ta vent.

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very well said! love it!

I am so sorry that you're having a hard time with your mom.

My guess is that she might also be in a bit of denial of one of her daughters getting married. Since your the first it can be rather emotional for her too.

I would try to give her the cold shoulder (yes I agree that sometimes reverse psychology works).

I had a simiar situation and I let the person know calmly (crying and shouting just gave me migranes) how I was feeling and that I really appreciate all that they were doing for me and that I want them to be involved but that I have the final decision to make.