mom vs. fmil

irishsweetheart Posted: Mar 20, 2007 09:42 PM

mom vs. fmil

If there was wedding stuff that you wanted your mother to do and be involved in, for example going to see stuff at the reception hall, and she kept saying she didn't want to go and doesn't want to be bothered, but your fmil still plans on coming along, what would you do?

fmil and I get along great and I really do love her, but it kinda hurts knowing that I'll be sharing wedding stuff with her and my mother is sitting home by herself (even if it is her own choice...)

ama1771 Posted: Mar 20, 2007 09:45 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

I hate that my mother is 400 miles away, and that the fmil (although I love her, but she drives me nuts) is able to involved in almost everything. I wish my mom was closer and could be more involved in planning. I flew upstate last month as I wanted my mom's input on a dress, and refused to buy one until I had her approval.

ama1771 Posted: Mar 20, 2007 09:46 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

I know i would be hurt if my mom didn't want to be involved, if she were physically and locationally (made that word up) able to come along

irishsweetheart Posted: Mar 20, 2007 09:47 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

see that's the part that is most frustrating...I still live with my parents! My mother just seems to refuse to involved herself in anything and it really bums me out sometimes

michellecarin Posted: Mar 20, 2007 09:47 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

its going to be interesting planning my wedding as well. My FMIL is in Hawaii which is where we are getting married. We will only go there one time between now and then. On the other hand its really hard to get my mother's help b/c she has never been to Hawaii. I am in a very lonely boat

KickinDandelions Posted: Mar 20, 2007 09:54 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

Posted by irishsweetheart

see that's the part that is most frustrating...I still live with my parents! My mother just seems to refuse to involved herself in anything and it really bums me out sometimes

Aww! Have you tried talking to her about it? Maybe there's an explanation for why she doesn't seem to want to be involved...

irishsweetheart Posted: Mar 20, 2007 09:59 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

Posted by KickinDandelions

Posted by irishsweetheart

see that's the part that is most frustrating...I still live with my parents! My mother just seems to refuse to involved herself in anything and it really bums me out sometimes

Aww! Have you tried talking to her about it? Maybe there's an explanation for why she doesn't seem to want to be involved...

yea I've tried that and both my sister and I have come to the conclusion that she is just bitter about the fact that we're getting married and leaving the house (we've both always lived at home)

it's like a pre-case of empy nest syndrome which I can understand but I know she is going to look back and regret it once it's all over and she realizes she's not going to have the chance to do this again. . .

KickinDandelions Posted: Mar 22, 2007 12:13 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

I wish I could say more

Fall Bride 2008 Posted: Mar 22, 2007 12:14 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

If your mom dosent want to go then I wouldnt feel bad taking FMIL is she wants to be involved

AMGBride2008 Posted: Mar 22, 2007 12:14 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

You can't force your mom to go, but definitley let her know how upset and disappointed you are that she refuses to take part.

Take the opportunity to bond with your FMIL... she's probably so happy to be involved.

Mizzdimple Posted: Mar 22, 2007 12:18 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

I wanted my mom there for the dress cuz she bought it for me....

My FMIL....doesnt want to get in the middle of it...cuz she thinks that she is giving her two sense with the planning. I dont mind tho

ant n tilde Posted: Mar 22, 2007 12:20 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

maybe if you take your FMIL to go do something - your mom will realize that you are going to do this with or without her and that will motivate her?

sorry babe - this must be so hard, but at least you and Mary have eachother

FancyMe1018 Posted: Mar 22, 2007 12:51 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

that's really hard i am sorry. have you spoken to your mother about your thoughts about her coming and all? if not I really think you should let your mom know how you feel its important because if you dont you'll regret it later on

GinaZ Posted: Mar 22, 2007 12:57 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

Maybe you can say to your mom 'you are going to regret not going to this stuff with me so just come!' Maybe she is just being stubborn cus of her pre empty nest syndrome? She should come around! But in the emantime, dont feel bad about including you FMIL.

Super2star Posted: Mar 22, 2007 01:31 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

It *****...my sister is more involved in the wedding planning than my mom and FMIL doesnt want to step on any toes so she doesnt bother with anything either...I feel your pain...I wanted my mom to come to the photographer with me but she could't
on the other hand...I am the 4th to get married in my family...so I think she is over the planning part lol

is everyone the first in their family to get married or the middle or last?

kimNanthony Posted: Mar 22, 2007 01:38 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

I definitely understand- my mom and FMIL both don't seem interested in being involved in the wedding plans. So far I have been doing everything with friends or FH. At first I was upset but now I realize I can do everything my way without any frustration.

I would say that if you asked your mom to be involved and she's not showing any interest and your FMIL wants to be involved go for it; it is her son's wedding also!

BubbasBride Posted: Mar 22, 2007 01:39 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

i know how you feel. i would just go with whomever wants to go. maybe after seeing your fmil involved, your mother will come around

irishsweetheart Posted: Mar 22, 2007 03:01 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

thanks girls. Believe me I've tried it all. I've done stuff without her, told her she was going to regret it in the long run and still nothing.

Today is just one of those days though that I'm not letting it bother me. I'm just too tired at this point.

Thanks though, you girls are great.

meggles808 Posted: Mar 22, 2007 03:44 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

This happened to me. My mother didn't want to go when we went to go look at our RH but the in-laws did. Then she got upset when i booked it and she wasn't there.

madseason Posted: Mar 22, 2007 04:53 PM

Re: mom vs. fmil

Posted by Fall Bride 2008

If your mom dosent want to go then I wouldnt feel bad taking FMIL is she wants to be involved

I agree......and if mom gets jealous or upset...oh well!!

Maybe then shell see how much it means to you and shell get up and join in the fun! But if FMIL and you get along and shes ready and willing, take her!