Mother conflicts
My FH is quite active and involved with the wedding process. We are contributing financially to the wedding but for the most part, Id say about 80% is going to be paid for by my parents.
Control freak#1
My mother is used to planning these type of things with little or no influence from anyone else. She and I have a hard enough time seeing eye to eye on things but add FH and his family to the mix and it is a recipe for disaster. Especially since his family hasnt not yet offered to pay a thing. They MAY eventually offer some money. They may offer to pay for a vendor, but as of right now they haven't so we are going along with the plans anyway. My mom feels that because FH and I are doing so much leg work, that we are leaving her out of things. We do not sign contracts. We do not make deposits. We just cut out some options for her. She is in a wheelchair and is not terribly mobile. She uses the line 'all I am good for is signing the checks' so often that she brings me to tears. It is hard enough that I am older and dont have the means to pay for this but she makes it worse. I try to find things we can compromise on and it is of no use. She does NOT want FH there or his family when we make decisions regardless of if they give $$$ or not. It is truly unfair and makes me feel like she is making me choose.
Control freak #2
FH's mother has a hard time with the fact that I have planned so many things so quickly. My feeling is that as a 35 year old bride, I have given YEARS of though to this day and I know how I want it to be. I think it bothers her and pi$$es her off that she has no control because she isnt paying. She is very negative about things. I know she would not want influence if SHE were making a wedding for her daughters. She also feels bad that she will not be able to give her daughters the fancy type of wedding my parents are giving me. That is not really my issue. I will not lessen my function to spare his sister's feelings. When my mom was a mother MOG she gave $$$ and sat back offering no opinions. This is not going to happen.
FH and I are getting it from both sides. My concern is that this planning process is not fun and may drive a wedge between FH and myself. We decided to do damage control whenever possible. When my mom wants only ME to go with her, I will consult with FH before to form a UNITED FRONT but when I speak to mom, she will think the opinion is MINE. I hate being manipulative and/or deceitful, but I am left with no choice. Two overbearing mothers make this very hard.
Sorry so long. I had to unload.
Control freak#1
My mother is used to planning these type of things with little or no influence from anyone else. She and I have a hard enough time seeing eye to eye on things but add FH and his family to the mix and it is a recipe for disaster. Especially since his family hasnt not yet offered to pay a thing. They MAY eventually offer some money. They may offer to pay for a vendor, but as of right now they haven't so we are going along with the plans anyway. My mom feels that because FH and I are doing so much leg work, that we are leaving her out of things. We do not sign contracts. We do not make deposits. We just cut out some options for her. She is in a wheelchair and is not terribly mobile. She uses the line 'all I am good for is signing the checks' so often that she brings me to tears. It is hard enough that I am older and dont have the means to pay for this but she makes it worse. I try to find things we can compromise on and it is of no use. She does NOT want FH there or his family when we make decisions regardless of if they give $$$ or not. It is truly unfair and makes me feel like she is making me choose.
Control freak #2
FH's mother has a hard time with the fact that I have planned so many things so quickly. My feeling is that as a 35 year old bride, I have given YEARS of though to this day and I know how I want it to be. I think it bothers her and pi$$es her off that she has no control because she isnt paying. She is very negative about things. I know she would not want influence if SHE were making a wedding for her daughters. She also feels bad that she will not be able to give her daughters the fancy type of wedding my parents are giving me. That is not really my issue. I will not lessen my function to spare his sister's feelings. When my mom was a mother MOG she gave $$$ and sat back offering no opinions. This is not going to happen.
FH and I are getting it from both sides. My concern is that this planning process is not fun and may drive a wedge between FH and myself. We decided to do damage control whenever possible. When my mom wants only ME to go with her, I will consult with FH before to form a UNITED FRONT but when I speak to mom, she will think the opinion is MINE. I hate being manipulative and/or deceitful, but I am left with no choice. Two overbearing mothers make this very hard.
Sorry so long. I had to unload.
