Not really sure if i'm asking for advice here, just need to let it out. Advice is always welcome though!
The past year since I've been engaged my mom is wanting to spend more and more time with me. And it's fine, I love her and all, but there's a reason why I moved out... I can't be with her every waking second because all we do is fight when we're together. So our relationship got better when I moved out 4 1/2 years ago- we didn't see each other as often, and became friends. It was really nice.
Well now, since i'm engaged, every single weekend she wants to make plans with me. She's single, so lives alone and also works in a small dr's office where the doctor's are only there once a week, so she's pretty much alone all the time. But lately, she's been dragging me into it - saying she's so lonely, and would like to see me more often. She even went as far to say to me 'I thought you were going to make time for me' after I told her that I was going to fire island for 4th of july weekend with my friends. I'm 27 years old! I want to go out and have fun! Especially before I get married and have kids!!! I don't want to sit home and watch TV with my mom all the time, or go to the mall shopping for the wedding all the time... I want to enjoy myself, and my summer, as much as I can. I think she's also a little jealous because we moved into FH's parents house to save money before the wedding. But it just made sense. She lives in a tiny one bedroom apt - there's no way we could live there, yet she always makes comments like 'you know you could stay here for a night or two every now and then.' Yea, ok mom... I have 2 dogs, and work in the city. If I did that she'd be complaining that she had to walk the dogs all the time and then we'd just argue. FH's parents have a huge house and a great backyard for the dogs.. it was a no brainer, and it's only temporary. So i just blew that off and whenever she says it to me i just ignore it.
So fast forward to today... My mom emails me and asks if I want to go over on Sunday for a birthday dinner (which i think is BS b/c i KNOW my shower is on Sunday). but apparently FH has something planned for me in the city that night, but he isn't telling me what it is. So, I tell my mom that and she goes... 'ok, so you want me to tag along?' I'm like huhhh? Um, well FH has something planned for me and HIM. I have no clue if she is even in the mix, nor do I know what he has planned... (getting a little sick of the surprised BTW... first my shower, then this, and then FH is 'surprising' me with something in august. i can't take the surprises anymore!!!)
This is so hard, because I don't want to disappoint my mom, but I also don't want to disappoint FH or any of my friends. It's almost like I have 2 husbands... my mom who always wants to see me and hang out with me, and then my FH, who I want to see and hang out with all the time. And then I have my friends, who I don't ever see because my mom is all up in my biz and wants to hang out! I tell her all the time to call up her friends and hang out with them, and she just tells me she doesn't want to. I don't know what to do at this point, but this can't keep happening. I need some SPACE. I need to live my own life. This is so frustrating... I just want to move far away from everyone, and just be ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For anyone that read this, thank you. I know it's really long, but appreciate you just listening to me vent. Needed to get it out.
linda_art
Posted:
Member since
Re: Mother vent
Posted by FDNYwife1029
the only advice i have for you is that you only have one mom is this life. and you should cherish all the time you have with her while she is still here.
My mom passed away a few yrs ago and i would give anything for her to be here planning this wedding with me.
your mom sounds like she is going thru a hard time and she doesn't understand that you have your own life she just wants to spend time with you.
just think......she loves you so much! try to explain her how your feeling. i am sure that will help.
HTH!
THIS. That being said my best friends mom is overly needy so I understand what you are saying. What my best friend does is goes to her house and has dinner one night a week. She'll call her a few times during the week just bc she knows that her mom wants to talk to her everyday, LOL. It'll get better. Just do the best you can with what you have and tell that thats exactly what you are doing. Sometimes we have to gently set boundaries when other peoples expectations of us are too high!
ImgonnabeMrsC
Posted:
Member since
Re: Mother vent
aw, your mom just loves you and wants to be involved in your special day! my mom and i have the same relationship, although lately it's becomming much better since she's been helping me iwth planning. Sometimes its really overwhelming with her though, and thats where the fights start.
Maybe talk to her and just say you appreciate everything she is doing for you but you are about to start a new life and you can't be with her all the time (does that sound too mean? lol idk..) or something along those lines.
Tell her this is the last summer before you will be married and you want to have fun!
you can always set ONE day a week for you and your mom. Like go to dinner or a movie or shopping on a Saturday.
