Motherhood and working full time...

I am a teacher, and many of my friends at work are pregnant or just had babies. Here's my question...how do women work and have a child too? I am so amazed and impressed by this. I am at work at 7:30 and usually leave around 5:30. I come home so exhausted, I wonder how I will ever be able to add a baby to the mix. How do you wonderful ladies get it all done? Do you really have time for both? I cant see how my job will ever be so easy that I could handle both. I am just speculating here, it just seems so hard.
Any feedback?

I can't really talk b/c right now, I am a SAHM...so, I MARVEL at working Moms too. Knowing what I know about ALL that I do everyday with a child and a household to run, I cannot IMAGINE how some women work FT and are able to hold it all together. Perhaps they make enough $$$ to hire nannies, cleaning people and also have very supportive hubbies.

However, I have been in the workforce with plenty of working Mothers and I will say that I have seen some women who are great at the balancing act, and some who are just plain horrible at it. Lots of times, something has to 'give,' and too often, it's the family b/c work just doesn't understand or won't allow the flexibility. It's very sad...but, in the US, we are not as 'family friendly' as we pretend to be when it comes to work obligations. JMO.

I know it is very difficult and I do not look forward to the day when I go back to work FT. I think a support system is *very* important when you are a working Mom (ie, relatives or neighbors that can help collect your kids from the school bus; a hubby that can start cooking dinner, etc.)

I'll be going back P/T now, not b/c I *want* to work at this point (Sean's 3 months today!), but b/c I HAVE to work.

Sadly, there's no perfect scenario, IMO. I think everyone wants to do what's best for their kids and many, many sacrifices are made along the way.

My sister worked full time when she had one child, and then 30 hours a week after she had her second.

She dropped them off at my mother's house for 'daycare.' They're both in school now, (K and 4th grade), so my mom is off her daycare duties.

I will honestly say, though, that my sister was often exhausted, frazzled, and impatient. She was always rushing around, often late to work, and so stressed she sometimes snapped at the children. Sometimes she would hope that the baby hadn't napped, so he would fall asleep early (or even on the way home), and she could have some time for herself.

You simply CANNOT be all things to all people, and you can't give 100% to your children and give 100% to work. On top of that, when is there time for your DH?? The mere act of working, even though it may be necessary, is taking time away from your child.

My mother and I often saw the baby do something for the first time, like smile or say something funny before my sister would see it. We always kept it to ourselves, though, so she wouldn't feel like she was missing things. But in reality, she missed a lot.

You really can't 'have it all' in my opinion.

Well I guess I will see how I will well I do handle it. I will have off for 12 weeks then I will be working 3 days per week for an additional 12 weeks before going to 4 days per week.

I am lucky that my husband doesn't believe that the house is 'my' job, although I do most cleaning chores DH will do them if I ask him to.

I will do my best and see what happens. I don't pretend that I can have it all, but I will do my best.

I think it will be pretty difficult. I told DH when I give birth, I will stay home for at least 6 months. Afterwards, probably work Part time or from Home if I can.

I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to deal with 22 5 year olds and come home to my baby, but it needs to be done.

I'll definitely let you know how it goes.

I have no idea how I will do it. But I am of the 'everything will work out' school of thought. I will be off from school for a year after the baby is born, then will start my residency. With the new work laws in medicine I will probably be working 80 hours a week as a resident- which is a lot better than it used to be anyway.

I find it interesting that among my closest friends, those who had stay at home moms, like me, are adamant about working F/T and those with working moms now want to stay home. I guess the grass is always greener....

I am a FULL TIME working Mom and I had to go back to work when my daughter was only 6 weeks old. She is now 12 weeks and it $ucks.

It is tough I don't have a Nanny I have a sitter who watches her , but that's all she does. She does do the occassional straightening up, but when I get home. I nurse her for any hour or so, then I have to prepare dinner, do bottles, give her a bath on her bath nights, change her to pajamas, change myself, clean up kitchen, get ready for bed and nurse again.

The night flies by and in the meantime I try and straigten up so the house doesn't look too much like a disaster. Daddy comes home and he does laundry, that's his job and he will give her that one bottle a night that she gets.

I miss out on the book time (I like reading to her) the tummy time, and the things that I would be doing throughout the day with her. I hate that I have to work, but right now it's what I have to do and I put it in my head that it's temporary and I will be home soon!!!

I am not pregnant, but ofter wonder how full-time working outside the home mothers juggle it all. I work with several recent mothers and they just seem exhausted many days. It takes them longer to complete projects than their non-parent counterparts. I know having children requires many sacrifices but I just dont know if I could handle working full-time and being a mother.....I have tremendous respect for you working moms.

I think that while women have gained so much equality in the workplace, etc since the 50s, in a way we have lost a lot too. The fact that we HAVE to (read: not want to) work in many cases to provide financially for our families is just sad. I think the children, DH, and the mothers themselves lose out in the end. At least in the beginning of a child's life. I grew up with a SAHM and would say it was great to have her there -- maybe not as a teenager..:), but for me I would go back to work when the children got older....

I agree Verdila. It's gotten to the point that women are expected to work, or have to work for financial reasons. That's not exactly what we were shooting for when women first started to jump on the career bandwagon. Back then, women were trying to fulfill their desires and realize their dreams. Now it's more of a necessity to work.

I also think it's funny that people who had SAHMs tend to work as mothers, and people who had working mothers tend to stay at home. Personally, my mother stayed at home, and while I was grateful that she did, I wish she had gone back to work at some point when I was older, maybe in high school or even junior high. It would have helped us out financially, and also made her happier with herself. I still think the best gift you can ever give your children is to be happy yourself.

If I ever had children, I will continue to work as much as I can without stressing myself out or taking too much away from the child. I work at home, though, so it will be a lot easier for me to do that. I don't think I would want to give up my job entirely, because it gives me a sense of pride, keeps me current with technology, and makes me feel I've got some independence and self-sufficiency.

Oh well, you have to do the best you can. No situation is ever going to be perfect.

My grandma used to tell me that women had to stop working once they were 'showing' so she had to hide her pregnancies from her workplace for as long as possible, because she wanted to earn money as long as possible. Once her boss found out she was expecting her first child he told her that she was the best assistant he ever had and didn't want to lose her so soon so she was allowed to work but not allowed to get up from her desk if a client was in the office
I think that while women have gained a lot we have lost something too. There is very little choice for sooo many women about working and family.
The US has 1 of the 3 worst maternity leave policies among industrialized nations. In Canada a women gets 1 full year off with most of their current pay and job protection.

I also am very nervous about how I will fit in working full time with having a baby AND going to school at night to finish my MBA. This baby was sort of an unexpected (but wonderful) surprise so I hadn't had a chance to finish school before I got pregnant. I'm going to try it for awhile, but I know for sure that something will have to 'give'. Since it definitely won't be the baby, it has to be either school or work. Most likely school at this point because we need the money.

I had a SAHM til I was in junior high school and I know it made all the difference in the world to me. I want to give the same back to my child. Although I appreciate that I will have 6 months at home with my baby after she's born, the thought of having to go back to work after that is already enough to bring me to tears. I don't even want to begin to think about all I'll be missing while I'm at work all day.

I have been obsessig over this very topic since the day I found out I was pregnant with TWINS. Not working is not an option. My husband is NYPD and I am a lawyer. We just bought a house on Syosset and have to get a new car to travel with 2 babies so needless to say, I am going back to work FT after 3 months if I find the right person to watch the twins.

Working mothers are a fact of life now. How many of you have husbands that earn enough to afford 2 cars a $30,000+ mortgage etc> If you have that, you are lucky.

I grew up a latch key kid. My mom always worked and I think I am all the better for it. The only thing you can do, is the best you can!!

I work in Manhattan also and will have to work when we have children. It will be a financial necessity. I will dread leaving my baby when the time comes. The only thing I am at peace with is that my mother and stepfather will be watching my children. They are looking forward to it and I feel that my children will be in great hands.
I will treasure that 3 month maternity leave!! I wonder if I could stay out longer without pay?

I have some friends who quit working becuase they did not have to and/or did not want to after having a child. For me, I know that I would not be happy being a SAHM. I need to work.

But I am in a great office that is very family oriented so I know that I will be able to cut back on the hours I am in the ofice. I also have the luxury of a very close friend living within a few blocks of my office who wants to be a SAHM. She is due in January and we have talked about HER being my daycare provider when the time comes. Then I can actually run to her house for lunch (when not in court) to see my child(ren??) during the day.

I would probably feel differently if I thought that by the time I saw my child, he or she would be sleeping.

Dh and I always knew I would be a SAHM so I knew once the time came I would have to leave my job-- so we always said about 5 years after we were married we would start TTC---well we started at the 2 year mark!!! and because there are so many things we can't control we are still trying and I have already resigned from my job --for different reasons!!!

We are taking over his Dad's business--so while it is great for us financially and for our future I most likely (ok so I dont want to admit it to myself yet) will be working at least part time----

So our hopes changed but IMO for the better--so you never know---and now our finances will be better than we had thought since we thought we would have to learn to make it on his salary--so now it wont be as bad although I will be giving up some time with our child---

So you never really know what life is going to throw at you--

there are some day care options that seem really feasible...

my friend at my old district is lucky that we have a district run day care center right across from the school...so she can just walk across the street to see her baby....


I'm planning on having moms (3) each stay at our place for a few months at a time...if need be...they are all retired and are very excited for this opportunity...


I don't know how I feel about giving up on my career FT...but we are just going to do a lot of research and play with numbers when the time comes...

I will be a SAHM, but esentially because we don't have a parent or grandparent who is able to watch our child. I would like to continue to work, as I worked long and hard, and studied hard for my license, and don't want to give it up, just yet. It may be just me, but I am not comfortable putting my child in daycare.

I am lucky in a sense that my DH can pay the mortgage on his salary alone and that our cars are from the dealership and cost on a minimal amount of money. But at the same time I am fiercely independent and sort of need to make my own money. I am also very lucky that I live 10 minutes from work and work for a company that would be very accomodating to being flexible as I try to juggle raising my child and staying active in the working world.

Working mothers deserve more credit than I could ever give them. I think at times it is harder than staying at home. I also look at my friends who are SAHM's and think they have it worse. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side. I will do the best I can for my family.