Motherhood and working full time...

I have to get used to this new board, I was logged out before I could answer this question.

What I had said was this. My plan is to work pt with baby1, and stay at home with baby2 because I don't think I can give my mom two small children to watch. But that's only if we are able to financially afford it. I think it's a toss up ... a real give and take. You may miss some milestones but you also get to keep your skills and independence that some SAHMs may lose. Obviously, if I had a chance I'd give up the world for my lil' munchkin. But not all of us have the choice.

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Posted by chmlengr

I will be a SAHM, but esentially because we don't have a parent or grandparent who is able to watch our child. I would like to continue to work, as I worked long and hard, and studied hard for my license, and don't want to give it up, just yet. It may be just me, but I am not comfortable putting my child in daycare.

I am lucky in a sense that my DH can pay the mortgage on his salary alone and that our cars are from the dealership and cost on a minimal amount of money. But at the same time I am fiercely independent and sort of need to make my own money. I am also very lucky that I live 10 minutes from work and work for a company that would be very accomodating to being flexible as I try to juggle raising my child and staying active in the working world.

Working mothers deserve more credit than I could ever give them. I think at times it is harder than staying at home. I also look at my friends who are SAHM's and think they have it worse. Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side. I will do the best I can for my family.

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Girl I just LOVE your avatar! LMAO!

and as for the thread itself, I give these working mothers SOO much credit... they are up when their child(ren) are up, bathing, feeding, dressing, getting their bags ready and dropping them off whereever, then they rush to get to work, work 8 crazy hours and then rush home to pick up the kid(s) feed, bathe them, do homework in some instances and then FINALLY get some peace, but Oh WAIT, there's also the husband that needs to be taken care of..

It's tough.. I can only imagine, but these women do it..

As much as I would LOVE to stay at home, and luckily my husband does very well that we could be fine on his salary alone, I need to work.. I need to have maintain my sense of independence, which I can find only through going to work.... the fact that I make an excellent living also gives me the drive..

Luckily, I have both of our mom's near enough that either one could watch our kids during the day.. my parents have already discussed this with us, so I am grateful to have that option..

I totally agree with something having to 'give' with working and being a mom. I work with 2 women, both who work semi-full time and part time and they both have changed since they came back to work, their focus is not there at work at all. Sure, I hope the main focus IS at home but I don't think you can do both. That is a difficult decision to make and my husband and I talk about that all the time, I have my mother who lives downstairs from us and can virtually take care of my future baby but do I want my mother RAISING my child? It is hard and I agree with whoever said that it is hard with women who have gotten where they want in their industry to give that all up for a child, besides not being able to do it financially either. It is a difficult decision....

My husband's mother has watched both his nephew and niece for many years. She is a very good women, sweet, kind and very nice. But honestly I don't think I would want her to be my daycare provider. I find that the kids watch TV ALL day long, since Nana is also watching her shows or reading. They play but not with other kids much. And talk about cake for breakfast, ice cream for lunch and cookies for snack all day long I think sometimes grandmother's want to be grandmother's, which is great and perfect, but I need a more structured, learning enviroment for our child all day long.
Does that make sense? Also, how do those of you who plan on having grandma watch the baby deal with the 'but Mom my rule is no ice-cream before lunch' or 'I asked that you only allow 1 hour of TV during day' type stuff? That seems to me to be hard when you are talking to your Mom and not just a Nanny type person or a daycare center.

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Posted by michele31

Also, how do those of you who plan on having grandma watch the baby deal with the 'but Mom my rule is no ice-cream before lunch' or 'I asked that you only allow 1 hour of TV during day' type stuff? That seems to me to be hard when you are talking to your Mom and not just a Nanny type person or a daycare center.

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This is my MAJOR worry when I think about my IL's helping out with a baby. My step-sister-in-law (?) lives with them now with her little girl, so I see how they are.

Great thread I love reading all your responses and seeing all opinions on this because it is something that weighs on me so much...I would love to have a children in the future and the balance of raising a child and having a family as well as a career is a scary thing - I am not sure how I can handle it. I am not sure I can give it up and never thought I would but at the same time I want what is best for the child. I find myself as I get closer to seriously considering ttc that I am thinking about it more and more and looking for what else is out there careerwise (which even last year I never thought I would do)..but it has been so difficult to think about.

Michele31-I found your last post so interesting because I feel so similar and most people think I am crazy. Although, my inlaws live to far and my parents still work full time and live too far, if they were an option - it would be difficult for me to do that for what you described. I think I would still opt for either a nanny or day care...

Wow, what a great thread!!! I'm very close to ttc as well, and this is something I worry about. Hubby and I have already decided I'll stay home at least the first year, but I'm now in the process of trying to find a home based business where I can be home with my child. I have inlaws and family pretty close to me, but most people work, so I can't really rely on family to babysit. Also, I don't want my child bonding with anyone else but me.

I've been home for the last 2 years, so I know what it's like to be a SAHW (without the responsibility of a child), but I really like working and earning my own money. However, when we we have children it might be a little more complicated. Balancing home, children, husband and career are all entities within themselves. This is where talking to hubby and compromise come into play BIG TIME!!! We all cannot have everything and somewhere, somehow, a sacrifice has to be made. When there are bills to be paid it's hard to stay home if you both have to work to make ends meet. However, I believe that if for 1 year most of us, REALLY cut back on excessive spending, we'd all be surprised at how well you would manage. We did this for 2 years and I was pleasantly surprised at how we managed pretty well off of DH's salary alone!

I believe that everything will workout with a little sacrifice, patience, compromise and faith.

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Posted by michele31

Also, how do those of you who plan on having grandma watch the baby deal with the 'but Mom my rule is no ice-cream before lunch' or 'I asked that you only allow 1 hour of TV during day' type stuff? That seems to me to be hard when you are talking to your Mom and not just a Nanny type person or a daycare center.

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Thank god I never had that while I was growing up.. we were rarely allowed to watch tv, unless it was like sesame street or some educational videos my dad got us from the library or that the school recommended.. I also began reading younger than the average kid, so I was easily entertained by other means.. My mom makes ALL homemade foods and there is no junk food in the house..

BUT, that's MY mom, not my child's GRANDMOTHER.. Michele, you've raised very good points that we should all consider... thank you..

with my post...not intentional tho...

A few comments really stand out to me..

1)one on how a co worker who now has a child and it seems that it takes her sooo much longer to get things done.
Hmm- maybe it;s not just her. Maybe in the past, when she needed data from others...who were not as conscientious as her..she worked late and did the darn thing herself in order to get the project done. now, she cannot work late because of other priorites..sad to see that she is getting a bad rap because she may no longer able to cover up OTHER People's in adaquacies. Dont assume just cuz she is a MOM that is the reason her results take longer to accomplish..

2) child care time off. Yes, it is not sufficient anough amount of time off in a lot of companies. Smaller companies do not even have to give you the FMLA 12 weeks. Someone compared it to the leave they give you in CANADA. Well, all things considered, they have socialized medicine there.,.so if you need an operation or appointment for something the gov't doesn't deem 'necessary'...you can wait MONTHS for that appt! I know this as I have worked with Canadian citizens. Many came over the border to the USA to have their medical problems taken care of...

3) working at home as a SAHM. If you set up a workspace at home, PLEASE be prepared to hire/have help watching your infant while you are working. I worked at home for 2 days when I first returned to work, and it was very difficult when Julianne was crying to stay in the office and work. impossible really.

4) women working...and the comments of how woman's lib and how Now it is expected we work ,,,because of the woman';s movement.
yes, to some degree...but I am sure that MORE women work because of BILLS! and the biggest bills -especially for us LI women are the TAXES WE PAY. My dad maybe made $35,000 a year and my mom was SAHM. NO WAY THAT CAN HAPPEN IN 2003...whether it is bklyn, queens or LI. WE are taxed to death...from our towns and our govt. maybe we need the govt to tighten up THEIR spending and therefore TAX us less...so we CAN be stay at homes...

Some bills we can definitely impact- how much we spend on clothes, whether we need 2 cars, whether we 'need' cable, 600 count sheets, etc...but TAXES? yeah, try to fight that one. maybe we need to look at who we are electing and what their agendas are...

sorry- didnt mean to offend...but let's look at all sides of the issues out there...

another reason I cannot stay at home (sorry if this offends but I feel very strongly about it) is people who CHEAT on their taxes because they work in a cash business or work off the books. I have friends whose husbands earn a less than I do, yet she stays home and do you know why? Because they claim a 1/4 of his income every year and get back a HUGE refund check and there I am paying 'his' fair share in my taxes and many of you are paying 'his' share too out of your checks too. The qualify for 'assisted' medical plans even though they are not at a poverty line income. But since their tax return shows sooo little income they get all sorts of benefits. Benefits that my paycheck contributes to.
I think it is INSANE that non-injuried people go out on 'disability' and milk the system for years and years all the meanwhile I am paying my full share of the taxes. And then there are the 20 year old, able bodied people who say that they cannot find ANY job so I also have to pay for them. I do not believe that anyone should live on min. wage, and I am ALL for social programs and helping people who need help but if you are 22 and healthy get a job and then let the gov't supplement you until you earn a fair wage, or better yet force big corporations who profit in the billions to pay a fair wage to workers.

Don't even get me started on taxes!!

And Phly: I agree about 'blaming' working moms for being less productive due to their children. Very often working moms are happy to be at work, love their jobs but cannot travel at the drop of a dime or put in 90 hours a week. There is a balance between work and home that ALL people need to learn.

working at home as a SAHM. If you set up a workspace at home, PLEASE be prepared to hire/have help watching your infant while you are working. I worked at home for 2 days when I first returned to work, and it was very difficult when Julianne was crying to stay in the office and work. impossible really.

I already work at home. And you really DO need peace and quiet and a block of uninterrupted time to get anything accomplished.

Personally, the fact that I work at home would make things easier because I would have extremely flexible work hours, could work while the baby is sleeping, or work when my DH is home watching the baby. There is also no time wasted on commuting, and you can even roll out of bed in your PJs and get some work done before baby wakes up, or after baby is tucked in for the night.

Naturally, we're talking about when the baby is several months old. A newborn needs so much attention and care that all your good intentions to work at home go out the window!!

I am SO GLAD I came across this discussion thread. We were talking about this just the other night and I haven't stopped thinking about it...

I'm not sure if we will be able to have a baby ...but if we are able to get pregnant, I think I might need to stay home. My employer is fabulous and I have no doubt that they would be flexible with me, but I would still need someone to help out while I am working and that would mean day care. I currently earn enough to pay for day care but -for us - that is not an option we are comfortable with. We also do not have family nearby to help out so we are on our own.

I am the breadwinner in our family. DH is studying to be a teacher - and starting teachers do not make a lot of cash. We currently live below our means so we are saving $$$ which I hope will off set our expenses if we are blessed with a child. A key part in this is moving east (possibly east of Manorville). As Phyl pointed out, taxes are insane and it is just too expensive around here.

The idea of quitting my job makes me very uncomfortable. I've built a very nice career for myself - especially for my relatively young age. I enjoy the people I work with immensely. Walking away from it and the security my income provides makes me unsettled. I've been a very independent soul my whole life - and the idea of being a mom makes me feel an even greater need to keep my job and earn money....not quit and be a SAHM

My head and heart says this is the right thing for me (b/c it would be an amazing experience) and the right thing for our child (if we are able to have one)....but my currently childless self is having a hard time visualizing the 'other side'.