MY 1st VENT! A little long!

So FH and I went out to dinner with My Mom, my Grandfather and my FH's Father. It was a 1st time meeting and it needed to happen. Everything went really well and we all had a great time! FH's father wants us to add on a Martini Bar and, better wine on the tables for the E-Party! He's paying for half the cost so that really will help!

Anyway... heres the vent part....

Sunday I went with FHs family out to eat for Fathers Day. So FHs Father was asking everyone around the table what they thought about our engagement (he is super happy and said some really nice things about me the night before to my family)..

So everyone is saying... really nice things.
Then we get to his brother who says and I QUOTE!!!!
'Well I think its too soon, but its your choice'
So then I said.... 'Well your fully initialed to your own opinion and I'm truly sorry you feel that way. We have been together for over 3 years and its time for us to move forward.'
Then he said 'Well with women today... there is sooo much divorce'

If I would have answered him I most likey would have said something very nasty.... so I controlled myself and stopped the convo.


I cant even go into how much FH and I do for this guy. I'm even giving him FH's free tux so he can be in our wedding party.

Now I'm not so sure I want him there.... If hes not going to stand next to us while we are saying our vows with out reservations then I don't want him there. He had a failed marriage...and he doesnt take care of his son at all!

I know my FH was very hurt by this as well. He wont say anything to him though.
And I know I cant just come right out to FH and say... Your brother is out of the wedding party.

What do I do??? I'm more hurt then mad.

OMG his brother is a big a$$. He seems bitter because of what he went through. Ignore him.

That would have lit a fire under my butt, I prob would have lost it. 3 years is a long time to be with someone before getting engaged.

It just ***** that you guys are going out of your way to accomodate him when he seems like he could care less.

let FH deal with this one....it's his brother...

good luck

I understand you mad what he said was totally out of line by all means. Since he already has failed marriage maybe he is facing some insecurties that unfortunately he will bring into his new relationships. He may have some regrets now that he see after his divorce. I would speak to him privately to get better clarification on what he meant about his comment. As far him being in the bridal party. JMO I do not think it is your decision to decide if you he should be out of the bridal party. It going to cause more headaches in the long run for you and Fh. FH needs to ask his brother that if he is really against your marriage does he really want to be part of the BP.

---

Posted by MaggieLuvsJoe

OMG his brother is a big a$$. He seems bitter because of what he went through. Ignore him.

That would have lit a fire under my butt, I prob would have lost it. 3 years is a long time to be with someone before getting engaged.

It just ***** that you guys are going out of your way to accomodate him when he seems like he could care less.

let FH deal with this one....it's his brother...

good luck

---

I know!!! I'm very surprised I didn't loose it with him but I didn't want to ruin a family dinner.
We even PAID for his brother to come last night b/c he said he didn't have the money to go out to eat for Fathers Day!
Grrrrrr!!

---

Posted by VickiR510

WOW! Thats crazy. Im so sorry for you. What a super special moment from his father to you on a great day & he goes and blows it! You know its just his failure talking. Your FH needs to talkt o him. He has to express to him how much that hurt him & you! That isnt fair to let him say something like that without him knowing how it affects you both. I hope it works out. Iknwo its hard but take it from where its coming!

---

You're absolutely right! Thank you!!

It's really about how your FH husband feel about the situation...it is his brother. His comments as ignorant as they are really have no bearing on you relationship or will not effect what you are doing anyway...

situations like that where a sibling gets away with murder is b/c they have been doing it soooo long..so you talk to your FH and let him know how it makes YOU feel and he should handle it accordingly....

always remember there is one in every family...it has something to so the the mix in the gene pool ...one is destined to be a little off!!!

---

Posted by evewedsjc

It's really about how your FH husband feel about the situation...it is his brother. His comments as ignorant as they are really have no bearing on you relationship or will not effect what you are doing anyway...

situations like that where a sibling gets away with murder is b/c they have been doing it soooo long..so you talk to your FH and let him know how it makes YOU feel and he should handle it accordingly....

always remember there is one in every family...it has something to so the the mix in the gene pool ...one is destined to be a little off!!!

---

HAHA so true! I feel so bad for that this happened to you on what would have been a really special moment between you and FH's family. I think your FBIL is def dealing with his own failures as other girls have said. I also think that FH should make the call about nixing or keeping him in the BP. Have you talked to your FH about how he feels about what happened? Do you think he can talk to FBIL? I am so sorry he was a turd!

first of all his brother is an ***!!!! I understand why your upset but being that its your FH's brother let him be the one to make the decision. As for you try not to be upset. Hes divorsed so hes obiously miserable with his own life. Hes probobly just jealous of you guys, and he thyinks b/c his marriage failed so will yours. DOnt pay him any mind hun, he totally not worth it. Let me know how things work out
xoxo
Melissa

---

Posted by Jsquared279

---

Posted by evewedsjc

It's really about how your FH husband feel about the situation...it is his brother. His comments as ignorant as they are really have no bearing on you relationship or will not effect what you are doing anyway...

situations like that where a sibling gets away with murder is b/c they have been doing it soooo long..so you talk to your FH and let him know how it makes YOU feel and he should handle it accordingly....

always remember there is one in every family...it has something to so the the mix in the gene pool ...one is destined to be a little off!!!

---

HAHA so true! I feel so bad for that this happened to you on what would have been a really special moment between you and FH's family. I think your FBIL is def dealing with his own failures as other girls have said. I also think that FH should make the call about nixing or keeping him in the BP. Have you talked to your FH about how he feels about what happened? Do you think he can talk to FBIL? I am so sorry he was a turd!

---

My FH saw my face while all of this was going on and he said in a joking way.... its nice to know hes confident about our relationship.

So I think my FBIL knows what he did.
I told my FH how I felt when we got home. I also asked him if his brother ever said anything to him about us getting married and he said no.
I was surprised at that as well.... I thought he would have at least said something before we got engaged.
He just took a beautiful moment and ruined it..
I'm trying to not let it bother me.
I agree its totally FH's call if he wants him in the wedding party or not...but I'm not begging FBIL.
BTW... He doesn't DO weddings.


I could go on and on about this! LOL
But I'm going to stop.

Thank you girls for your help and kind words!

You're doing the right thing by not making a big deal about it. No need for confrontations and arguments.

You can't control what other people are going to say and do, you can only control what you say and do. I hope your FBIL can change his attitude and be happy for you. But if not, you don't need his permission or blessing to get married. There are plenty of people who are happy for you and excited about your upcoming marriage.