My BP needs to be FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by MrsC2010

im so sorry that they are being like this. people shouldnt agree to be part of a bridal party if they arent willing to pay towards the shower. bridal party traditionally pays for it and if they couldnt afford it they shouldnt have agreed to be in the wedding

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ITA...

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Posted by Soon2bShea
I know where your coming from with this...and I don't expect them to necessarily have $200 in their backpocket at the moment. But agreeing to be a BM, comes with some expenses that everyone knows about getting into this. They aren't paying for their hair, nails, make up, shoes, jewelry or anything like that. I'm not having a massive bach party, so thats not a big expense either. I just think they should be trying to work with my MOH a little. They don't need to pay that money today ya know

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Yes, I agree that being a BM does come with expenses and they should know that, and I know that they don't have to come up with the money all at once but maybe $200 is too much for some of them to spend. Maybe you or your MOH can ask them how much they can ask them how much they an contribute. Some of them might be able to give more than others. I don't think that you are being selfish in any way I just think that it's harder on some than others. My BP in particular has some girls who can come up with $ for the shower and everything else and some that can't so they came up with a way to make everything work. I have 6 and only three of them can afford it so the other three are working with them and coming up with other ways that they can contribute.

how old are they?

I can honestly say that when i was in my very early 20's there is no way i would have been able to afford to give $200 towards a shower. On top of buying a dress for the wedding, gift for the shower and gift for the wedding.

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Posted by Sora777

how old are they?

I can honestly say that when i was in my very early 20's there is no way i would have been able to afford to give $200 towards a shower. On top of buying a dress for the wedding, gift for the shower and gift for the wedding.

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1 is early 20's, I will cut her a little slack. But I know her financial sitatuation and I think she could pull it together in the course of a year. The others are in their 30's...financially established.

i agree with Jess that when i was younger i wouldn't have been able to have afforded it on top of a gift too BUT if i was told way in advance i'm sure i could've done something!

im so sorry--i have a feeling that one of my bms is going to be an issue-ironically the one who is 23 and makes double what every one else does..

ppl need to understand-there are things that go along with being in a bp..honestly 200 is not that much $$ even for someone not making a lot-its easy to not buy a few shirts or take your lunch instead of eating out for a few weeks..honestly they have time..

honestly, maybe they don't have the money, unfortunately at this point in my life i couldn't spare $200. it doesn't sound like a lot of money, but it certainly is to a lot of people. and i don't think it should be assumed that the bp should pay for the shower. i've been a bm's quite a few times and never contributed to the cost of the shower.

on the other hand, i do think not responding to your moh is not nice. there should be good communication. and if they can't contribute financially maybe there is something smaller they could be in charge of, like invitations or decorations.

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Posted by stinenandy2010

honestly, maybe they don't have the money, unfortunately at this point in my life i couldn't spare $200. it doesn't sound like a lot of money, but it certainly is to a lot of people. and i don't think it should be assumed that the bp should pay for the shower. i've been a bm's quite a few times and never contributed to the cost of the shower.

on the other hand, i do think not responding to your moh is not nice. there should be good communication. and if they can't contribute financially maybe there is something smaller they could be in charge of, like invitations or decorations.

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ITA!

also, i totally understand that when you become a BM that along comes costs of a dress, bparty and shower gifts, so i totally get that....but it is not to be assumed they must pay for the shower.

maybe you can have it at someone's house and caterer it to save on costs???

ppl really $uck!!
i know i will have the same problem ...i'm so dreading it...

can ur parents or fil's contribute?

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Posted by Soon2bShea

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Posted by Sora777

how old are they?

I can honestly say that when i was in my very early 20's there is no way i would have been able to afford to give $200 towards a shower. On top of buying a dress for the wedding, gift for the shower and gift for the wedding.

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1 is early 20's, I will cut her a little slack. But I know her financial sitatuation and I think she could pull it together in the course of a year. The others are in their 30's...financially established.

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That's what I was convcerned about, because I and my friends area l still in grad school...


I guess it's different if they're all working and making decent money though. Tough spot :( $200 a year from now is different from $200 in a month or two, also.

I feel that $25 a month is not that bad being your wedding is all the way in Sept. Maybe have your MOH break it down like that

I don't think it's unreasonable at all for them to pay $200. Actually, it's pretty good esp considering that you very nicely got them cheaper BM dresses.

I'm also very concious of expenses and we're all 29+ so we're established. My BM dresses were 140 and most have silver shoes already. I told them that the shower was gift enough and not to get us any presents.

I was in this kind of situation when I was 24. My friend from college was getting married in PA.

We had to pay for our dress ($180 + alterations), shoes (silver), hair ($75), makeup ($50). And some of the other b-maids really didn't have any extra $$ - they were living paycheck to paycheck and it was tough to even put the deposit down on the dress.

So we decided to get together and do her shower at her parents' house, with everyone bringing a dish, alcohol (bottle of wine or champagne), and/or a decoration. It was estimated we'd spend approx $50/person.

Everything was going smoothly until her FMIL decided that the bride's parents' house was too far away for HER guests, and made us do it at a restaurant in a central location. It wound up being $100/bridesmaid, which some of the girls just didn't have. So it became sort of a sh*tshow, with nasty emails flying around. Communication was poor.

The bride got invovled, and I received about a thousand emails regarding it. In the end, we paid the $100/apiece and kept trying to make suggestions that no one took. We had no say in the food, decorations, games or anything.

So we get to the shower and the food was.....................A MAKE YOUR OWN SANDWICH COLD CUTS BUFFET. With a greasy basket of potato chips. No alcohol.

All of the b-maids were so mad - that is way too expensive for just sandwiches. I actually called the place and pretended that I wanted to book a party b/c I couldn't believe that it was $1000 for a cold cuts buffet w/ potato chips.

Bottom line: Since you're paying for their shoes and it seems like their hair and make up too, and the dress is cheap, I would have the MOH break it down - and at least let them help in planning it so they feel like it's worth it. You can use my horror story as an example.

My other piece of advice would be: try to not get as involved. I know that it ruined my friend's shower b/c of all the fighting and nasty emails and her sister the MOH couldn't handle it and got the bride involved. Let your MOH take care of it, and if someone really is crying poverty, have them do something they can afford.

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Posted by princessSDG

I feel that $25 a month is not that bad being your wedding is all the way in Sept. Maybe have your MOH break it down like that

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This seems like a good idea!

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Posted by JLWSJC

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Posted by mzmahagony

I understand why you are upset and I would be upset too but at the same time you can not expect them to just have an extra $200 just laying around. Your wedding is your wedding so you budgeted for it, they were just asked to be a part of it and maybe they have other responsibilities as well. I'm sure that they care about you a lot and they would love to help out but just be mindful that they have their lives and their own responsibilities as well. They have to pay for their dress, hair, nails, gifts, bach party, bridal shower, maybe makeup, tons of misc. stuff and still be able to take care of their personal resp. so don't be mad at them, try to understand where they are coming from as well. I'm sure at the end of the day they will come through for you just be a little more sensitive to their concerns as well. I learned this the hard way.

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I agree. Alot of girls don't realize the cost of what goes into helping their friend prepare to be a bride... so they say yes because they love their friend, but expenses add up quickly. Unless they're the type of people who have a lot of money all the time, i'm sure they're not doing it to cause grief... they may just not have that kind of money in addition to everything else.
I would hate for that to be the reason I had to tell a good friend I couldn't be her BM

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I have to say that when I asked my sisters and cousins, the first thing I said was this is not a fashion show where you get to walk around being a model. This is to be treated like a job. You will have responsibilities and some expenses, but I appreciate you taking this job on, and I will show it in the end. They should know what being a BM entails, otherwise, don't accept the job.
What would Donald Trump say??

typo edit