I have an issue. My FFIL was asked to be the best man by my FH. He agreed and everything was cool. But last week he and my FH spoke and my FFIL doesn't want to be the best man... He doesn't want to wear a tuxedo. He then tells my FH that he's planning to wear his khaki's, a collared shirt and his brown courderoy jacket.
Not to be mean, but we are paying for this wedding ourselves and spending a lot of money (which I know most of us on this board are). We aren't asking the families to pay for anything, we just want them to attend. His family is from Mississippi and they're not really supportive of a pricey event (over $1000). They don't have money issues or anything, they just don't like spending a lot on a 5 hour event.
I'm all for comfort and I know that a lot can change between now and the wedding (Nov 2006), but this is just really stressing me and honestly pi$$ing me off.
I'm already worried about how his attire will affect my pictures, and how out of place he may seem. It's a Saturday evening event, so everyone will be wearing, at a minimum, a nice suit.
And on top of everything else, my FH really had his heart set on his Dad being the bestman, so I've been primarily concerned with his feelings, and making him feel better. But now that he seems to be ok, I'm just angry at the situation...
Am I crazy?
Santoyle
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
No I don't think your crazy and yes a lot could change between now and then. May-be you should try to sit down and talk to FFIL and ask him to wear a tux just for the ceremony and a few pictures. And then he can change at the reception? There has to be a compromise somewhere, good luck.
marymoon
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
that;s unbelievable. Can you sit down with him and explain that photos will be taken and that the father of the groom, even if he is not the BM is expected to wear a tux? What if you pay for the rental? Also, maybe he cna be convinced to wear a black suit instead? That would at leats look formla and nice in photos.
When my uncle walked my mom down the aisle he wa sina tshrt and sports jacket. He totally messed up the photos. They didn't make it to the rehsearsal and I guess he didn't realize he was going to walk my mom down the aisle and so he had plnned to change into his tux for the reception. The ictures look ridiculous!
july06bride
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
if it is a cost thing- i would pay for the tuxedo because even if he is not the BM he should still be wearing a tux
if it is not a cost thing- i would talk to him and tell him how much You and FH would appreciate it if he would do this... since everyone will be wearing formal clothes and it is a sat evening, which is considered formal usually, if he could please do it for you...
if he will consider wearing it for ceremony and pics that would be good- and then once he sees how others are dressed he will prob just keep it on...if he wants to change at that point so be it!
kase21
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
Talking him into a better outfit isn't an option at this point. He's pretty set against dressing up. I thought it may be better to speak to my FMIL and let her guide him.
I'm okay without the tux, I'll settle for a nice, coordinated suit. Maybe it'll be his Christmas present this year... (ok I'm joking on that, but maybe...) What's sad is that I know he has nice suits, he's just being difficult.
july06bride
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
well the good thing is that you do have some time to do some coercing! Def talk to your FMIL and hopefully her powers of persuasion will work!
good luck
cindyandkevin
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
If you can get your FMIL together with you and your FH then the 3 of you should be able to convince him to see the light. Does he have other children? Maybe they can help in the persuasion too. He has to understand how important this day is to you and how special you want it to be, and that you just don't think that's gonna happen if he's out of place. And if you're spending a lot on pics then warn him of how upset you'd be if everyone else was dressed nice and he wasn't, it would ruin them. I'm sorry he's being difficult, hopefully we're helping. Maybe he's just pulling your leg and he plans on surprising you, I dunno I just try to think optimistically. Keep us updated on this! Btw, kinda interesting my FI is thinking of asking his uncle (who's standing in as his father) to also be his BM. I've never heard of that before but I'm glad to see someone else is doing something like that too!
iffer042373
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
Oh I totally undersand your dilemma my Fh best Friend is his best man and he is complaining that he has to wear a tie. He wants to wear the button thing like my FH is gonna wear cuz he tie person. I told my Fh that the bridal party has to wear ties for the ceromony and for the pictures and introductoions at the reception and after that I don't care.
I would have your Fh talk to your FFIL and ask him to wear the tux its not everyday that his son gets married its a speical occassion and would mean alot to him if h e owuld do this and if later on w ants to change into something more comfy cozy then he can after all the pics are done and the introductions are done
kase21
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
Good news girls! FFIL will wear, at the very least a suit. My FMIL is on my side.
Breathe a sigh of relief...
KandM2006
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
Maybe your FH can have a heart to heart with him after it's all cooled off. I mean, it's ONLY 1 night! He can't wear a tux for ONE night? I'm sure if he knew how much it would really mean to him - he might just change his mind! Good Luck!
lisad117
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
Do you think it is because of the cost? If so, maybe you can pay for the rental since it is so important for FH to have him as best man.
I also do not think you are crazy for letting this bother you. I would be very upset too. Maybe FH can sit him down and explain to him that this is very important to the both of you and even if he wasn't best man, the father of the groom usually wears a tux.
ChrissynRicky
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
Posted by kase21
Good news girls! FFIL will wear, at the very least a suit. My FMIL is on my side.
Breathe a sigh of relief...
Congrats! I'm glad there's compromise. I would still go w/the tux so that they all match! There are lots of tux's that look like suits....men don't notice!
VogueBride
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
no, sounds like a big pain....like you said...a lot can change over time....and i think maybe he was just upset over the expense or something but when he calms down he will rethink all that
VogueBride
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
Posted by kase21
Good news girls! FFIL will wear, at the very least a suit. My FMIL is on my side.
Breathe a sigh of relief...
GOOD!
amazon_gracie
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
Thank Goodness!
kellwolfe
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Re: my dilemma - opinions please
No your not crazy at all I would be Mad upset and hurt ....they say that out side of NY and CA no one does wedding like we do ...Oh honey brace your self....I feel horrible for all of you and I cant believe that his dad wouldn't see what an honor that is and completely embrace it ....I am sorry
