My dilemma, what would you do?

nessamel Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:16 PM

My dilemma, what would you do?

Not a frequent poster, but I find this to be the best place to come for wedding advice.

Personally, I’m not a fan of the traditional idea of a “wedding party”. FH and I are not big on the idea of a bunch of bridesmaids, groomsmen, jr. bridesmaids, etc…. My grandmother keeps telling me it’s my first wedding, I’m young, I need to have at least 3 bridesmaid. I’m so annoyed with hearing that from everyone. I’m also being told that if I don’t want bridesmaids use the kids as jr.. bridesmaids, etc… which I hate that idea even more than having regular bridesmaids. We have a best man, maid of honor, and my daughter is the flower girl. That is my dream wedding scenario.
So for the sake of compromise I’m trying to find roles for my little cousins. I was able a find a role that pleased me for all but 1.
2 ushers: (seat people then seat yourself)
1 pre-teen: read a poem (which was in my original wedding plans)
My 3 year old: cousin flower girl, she could walk with my 1 ½ year old
Then I have one 9 year old, she is too old to be a flower girl (a least for me she is)- I have no idea what to do with her

My motto is if I’m going to compromise and use the kids I have to use all or none.

Any suggestions on what to do with the 9 year old or just say forget about the kids?

eternitybride Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:18 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

what about having a second poem read by the 9 year old?

kris_gets_hitched Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:19 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

Do you think the 9-year-old could do a reading as well? Some 9-year-olds are definitely capable of it!

JLWSJC Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:21 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

You could have her hand out the rice/rose petals/bird seed whatever you're using after the ceremony, or have her hand out the programs to people before they are seated by the ushers

And I know you didn't ask for this weigh in, but I don't think you need more than your MOH and Best Man, I think that's perfectly fine if that's what you want. I wouldn't want the kids as attendants either, I don't blame you. Good luck!

springsandra Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:30 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

I had the same idea as the poster above me -- could you have her give out the bubbles / petals / etc at the ceremony? It's an important job and means a lot as far as making sure the pictures will have that element in them. 9 is the perfect age for doing something like that, too, because she can take on the responsibility without too much pressure!

nessamel Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:31 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

Posted by kris_gets_hitched

Do you think the 9-year-old could do a reading as well? Some 9-year-olds are definitely capable of it!

eternitybride and kris_gets_hitched,
that did cross my mind. I was wondering if 2 readings would be too much because the entire wedding has to be completed in 30 minutes.
If I did give her a reading it would be

Marriage Advice by Jane Wells
Let your love be stronger than your hate and anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise,
for it is better to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst.
People have a way of living up or down
to your opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship
is the basis for any lasting relationship.
The person you choose to marry
is deserving of the courtesies
and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.
Please hand this down to your children and
your children's children.

or

I Promise by Dorothy R. Colgan
I promise to give you the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.
I promise to respect you as your own person
and to realize that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.
I promise to share with you my time and my attention
and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.
I promise to keep myself open to you,
to let you see through the window of my world
into my innermost fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.
I promise to grow along with you,
to be willing to face changes in order to keep
our relationship alive and exciting.
I promise to love you in good times and bad,
with all I have to give and all I feel inside
in the only way I know how,
completely and forever

brittndave Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:32 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

maybe she could hand out the programs before the ushers seat the people?

flibbertigibbet Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:32 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

or it can be her job to go around and remind people to sign the guest book!

DeeDee1013 Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:36 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

Posted by JLWSJC

You could have her hand out the rice/rose petals/bird seed whatever you're using after the ceremony, or have her hand out the programs to people before they are seated by the ushers

And I know you didn't ask for this weigh in, but I don't think you need more than your MOH and Best Man, I think that's perfectly fine if that's what you want. I wouldn't want the kids as attendants either, I don't blame you. Good luck!

I agree. I'm sure that we are older than you...but we had a MOH and a BM only.

Do what you feel is right for you. It is YOUR day.

HTH

nessamel Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:37 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

Posted by JLWSJC

You could have her hand out the rice/rose petals/bird seed whatever you're using after the ceremony, or have her hand out the programs to people before they are seated by the ushers

And I know you didn't ask for this weigh in, but I don't think you need more than your MOH and Best Man, I think that's perfectly fine if that's what you want. I wouldn't want the kids as attendants either, I don't blame you. Good luck!

springsandra and JLWSJC

Thanks ladies,
We are not having anything thrown after the ceremony: no bubbles, rice, rose petals, etc... But we do have programs and you are right she would be good for that.

nessamel Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:37 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

Posted by weddingbees

or it can be her job to go around and remind people to sign the guest book!

sounds like she can do programs and guest book reminders

kris_gets_hitched Posted: Jan 04, 2010 12:41 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

Posted by weddingbees

or it can be her job to go around and remind people to sign the guest book!

Oooh I like that idea!

Iluvpoodles Posted: Jan 04, 2010 01:26 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

There is no rule anywhere that you must have a BP or a MOH. I would not have people in my BP bc someone other myself wants them in it. It's YOUR wedding. And as far as the age thing, never heard that either.

flibbertigibbet Posted: Jan 04, 2010 01:35 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

Posted by Iluvpoodles

There is no rule anywhere that you must have a BP or a MOH. I would not have people in my BP bc someone other myself wants them in it. It's YOUR wedding. And as far as the age thing, never heard that either.

I agree, I don't plan to do a BP and if I do... I will just have a MOH probably. Do what you want!!! Tell other people to quit being so dang nosy.

jennybee Posted: Jan 04, 2010 03:23 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

Go with YOUR dream wedding!!!

PROBM Posted: Jan 04, 2010 03:43 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

do not do something you dont want to do , u will regret it!!! just so what I did everytime someone made a suggestion i said

'oooohhhh good idea I will talk to fh about that'

ignore ignore ignore

whispersamethyst Posted: Jan 04, 2010 04:57 PM

Re: My dilemma, what would you do?

There is defnitely no rule that says you have to use x amount of bridesmaids at your wedding. And you shouldn't feel obligated to use all your cousins either if it's not what you really want. Like everyone else said, it's YOUR wedding and no one should put the guilt trip on you for wanting to do things your way.