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My dress is in, but I'm sad (LONG...sorry)

Original post by jannshari

I got a message today that my dress is in and I have to pick it up within 10 days! It wasn't supposed to be in for another 2 months, but it came in early. I was really excited about it until I realized that I have to tell my mother. My mother has been so unsupportive of almost everything having to do with this wedding since the beginning. I think a lot of it has to do with her own guilt over not being able to pay for my wedding (which I couldn't care less about - I don't want my parents to spend their money on my wedding, as they have sacrificed so much for me already in my life) as well as her inability to control every little thing I do. When I told her that I had found my dress, she was so miserable about it and made me feel like crap. She told me that there was nothing precluding me from looking around further because it was more money than she thought I should spend (my father really wanted to pay for my dress and I was hoping that he wouldn't have to spend more than about $500, but it just didn't work out). I told her that the fact that it was THE ONE was what was precluding me from looking around further, but she still made me feel bad.

I had to order the dress without her even knowing and have paid for it by myself (I told my father about it and told him he could give me money towards it or not and that I wouldn't be offended if he chose not to). My mother made it very clear to me that she didn't want to hear another word about my dress until it was all said and done, so I didn't tell her when I ordered it. Meanwhile, I was going to tell her about it this week, but I just got the message today that it was in, and I called to ask her to come with me to pick it up, and all she did was b*tch about where I was going to store it and that I ordered it too soon. They may be discontinuing the dress, so I wanted to order it sooner to be on the safe side, and besides, it wasn't supposed to be in until sometime in February. They can't store it at the store because they don't have the facilities for it, and she complained that they told me 12-14 weeks and it came in at about 4 weeks, so they should store it for the amount of time they told me I would have to wait and that I should tell them that I couldn't pay for it for another 10 weeks or something like that. I told her that it was already paid for and she asked me what they would do if I didn't pick it up in 10 days. Why should I have to risk anything when the dress is paid for in full and why shouldn't I have it in my possession? Then she started in on how she was going to be worried about something happening to it for all these months because it's going to be stored in her home and she's responsible for it. I just can't win.

I asked her if it would be OK to ask my FMIL if she wanted to come with us to pick it up and she didn't even answer me and just asked what I was going to do about all the other stuff (veil, shoes, etc.). I told her I didn't get any of it yet, and what the heck did that have to do with asking FMIL? At least FMIL was excited for me when I showed her the dress and actually cried. My own mother made me feel like sh*t and made me cry over it.

So now I get to go pick up my dress with my mother and hopefully FMIL and know that she's going to make me feel like crap the entire time. Not to mention that I know I've gained some weight in the last month or so, and I have a feeling the dress is going to be a bit snug, and she's going to give me crap about that, especially since I didn't try it on when I ordered it (I tried it on 2 weeks before that and I ordered it in the size I tried on which fit perfectly).

I should be so excited about this, but instead, I feel like crying. I just wish she would get over whatever her issues are and be supportive of my decisions and be happy for me. How sick is it that I can't even discuss my wedding gown (let alone any other details of the wedding) with my own mother?
KarenB Posted:

Re: My dress is in, but I'm sad (LONG...sorry)

JannShari: I know you want to inlcude your Mom, but it isn't working out. I would just not include her from her on out and save yourself the heart ache. Sometimes people we love don't act the way we want them too, but there is nothing you can do about it.

If I were you, I would go with FMIL and that is it. Don't let anyone bring you down. And, I would find another place to store the dress.

Best of luck.

Karen
sammi102 Posted:

Re: My dress is in, but I'm sad (LONG...sorry)

Jannshari,

I'm sooo sorry to hear about this. I know it's hard, my mother can be like that as well. I've learned to just let it go, but my sister still takes her crap. It is your wedding and it will be a wonderful day for you. Try not to let her 'opinions' bother you too much! It's your day and your planning! FM me if you need to talk! (Sorry I have to work, but I would write more)

Feel better and enjoy your dress! congrats it's in!!

(Don't worry about the weight, after the holiday's you'll have motivation to lose it again!)

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